Can We Build a Less Prejudiced TG Sense of Community?

For so many years I was closeted to the point that I was losing my sanity, I was virtually scared to death to go out in drag. The first time I went out it was to Click and Drag at Fun, and I was a mess, I was so scared I couldn't even hold my drink and it spilled on the floor breaking the glass, but by the end of the evening I was having a wonderful time and the barrier I had for so long battled to overcome was over. After that Click and Drag closed. The second time I went out to the "Slipper Room" , Daddy approached me and we chatted and he made me very comfortable and suggested that I start posting on the boards, it was that night that I chose to get involved with and attend Queen Mother Events. I don't know what would of happened if Johnny didn't approach me that nite, but it was the catalyst of my metamorphosis.

I have been "out" for over a year now and cannot express in words how much this site has helped me in that endeavor and the people whom I met associated with Queen Mother welcomed me with open arms. It is now very important to me to support my new friends as often as possible and to make new people who appear in our community as comfortable as this community has made me.

The key word here is "We" Can "we" build a Less Prejudice TG Community. The very thing that we fight against rears its ugly head amongst us. Some guilty of the very same crime we accuse others of, Prejudice. No matter how much we wish that we have a community that could bond together we must realize although we are a community, we are made up of different neighborhoods. We are not any different than any other community or neighborhood that exists in this world. No matter how hard we wish, dream or try prejudice will always exist. However, we can all make a concerted effort to strengthening our community by reaching out and supporting each other in hopes that someday our dreams of one community will become a reality.

Sweetie's topic and this site are an important step in bringing us all together.
Miss S, I had no idea you are a baby to the scene. Your comfortability makes you seem like a fellow Battle Axe. Well at any rate how wonderful it is to have you treading along side us in these murky waters we call life. There has always been, and I have told you this in person SUCH a fabulous energy surrounding you. In clubland, I sometimes sadly to say must question some new faces motives, I have NEVER felt an incling of anything but pure, lite, white, fun!!!!
Prance on in those FIERCE Victoria Secret Gucci-esque sandals doll. Your dance is a beautiful one!
I too had no idea that you were so JC when I saw you at the bar at The Slipper Room. You seemed so comfortable in your skin. I just thought you were very fierce and why don't I know this girl? I guess I am just a big ol' tranny chaser.
The last couple of posts unfortunately totallly veered away and lost this topic. Let's try to make sure our verbal masturbations are relevant to the topic at hand.

Anyone care to comment, or pick the ball up where we left off. Hoping for insight and feedback about inner prejudice in the "tg" ie.... transsexual, transvestite, drag, cross dressing, gender variant world. We have had soooo much REAL sharing, it would be a shame to let this little room die. Read from page one and comment. Such great stuff
On my last trip home I talked to my parents about Lisa becuase I was afriad of them hearing about it from someone else. I do have stuff on the web and now a CD that is floating about so I just wanted them to get the low down from me. It wasn't to bad but I don't think that they really get it and I don't feel alot of support from them as far as Lisa Jackson is concerned. For me it's really just about music at this point but it has opened my eyes a little to how hard it must be to not have the support of family when you are dealing with trans issuese. Just one more reason to have a more united community I guess.
Ok- This is an amazing topic and I apoligize for not posting here earlier. I'd been out of sorts a while for personal reasons and am only now getting back into my Colleenisms! That being said I always feel better when I'm here and should just never leave.

I started by reading from the begining and there was so much insightful, inspirational and passionate stuff here I thought my head was going to explode! I'll try to keep it short, but...

First off Stacy, I can't imagine what it must have been like for you. I hold you in the highest regard becasue you've over come tremendous obsticles. When it comes to Transexuals you can cut the discrimination with a knife! Thats what holds us all back to some degree.

The only TS I know personally, I met through these boards. Here name is Helen and as many of you already know, one of the kindest and sweetiest human beings ever put on the earth. Although I have always been sympathetic to Transexuals because of my "Transgendered Behavior" (Thank you Jade) I never took the extra step.

Now I do. When I said cut the discrimination with a knife, I'm talking about my experiences in NYC on the steets or in the subway. People aren't afraid to laugh, gawk, snikker, spew or throw things at transexuals or trans whatevers. I used to just cringe but not do anything. (I NEVER WITNESSED PHYSICAL ABUSE! I assure you if I had I would have done something to stop it)

Because of my experiences with the motherboards I always make a point of approaching a transexual in public and saying how nice they look or keep up the good work. For those of you who have met me as a boy you know how straight I look. I don't let them know I also have transgendered behaviors. I always feel unless I engage in a converstaion with them that it's better encouragement if they think some totally straight guy on the subway acknowledged them. (If thats not true, let me know)

Back to the topic at hand though, I think it's best to find the common ground and stick with it. The biggest thing I can take from this topic is "Owning your own sexuality". I don't know if it was Sweetie or Bobby who said it, but it is the most important.

Like Sheril I have only come out in the last year, although I'd been dressing for many indoors alone or with friends. My greatest struggle was identity. What am I? Well I must be gay. Ok, but I'm not attracted to men...hmmmm Well I wear a dress and love other TS's, CD's, Tv's so I must at least be bi....and on and on.

Society likes labels. Your gay so your over here, your straight so your over here...So much so that I think sometimes we feel obligated to fit into one or create new ones.

FUCK THAT!! I'm tired of it. I've spent so much of my life trying to fit into something that I just finally want to be me. Sometimes that means wearing boy jeans and a t shirt other times a dress. Sometimes I want to be with a TV, sometimes a woman and sometimes a lesbian with a 10 inch (ok 8 inch) strap on. So what.

My sexuality, my desires and needs are unique to me. Thats why I am me. Define me by me! Whereever I have common ground with others that's probably where I'll want to be.

And that "is" the motherboards isn't it?

[This message was edited by Colleentv on 06-20-02 at 08:23 PM.]
I must agree that trans-discrimination has been phenomenally irrational and intense, but I have seen wonderful changes for the better. I have experienced just about evey kind of abuse over the years. It's important to keep ones center and not take any o f that harshness inside of oneself, but to recognize it for what it is and let it go. Yes, it has often seemed that too many people believe that a Transperson is nothing but something to point at, laugh and gawk. Many young men and some not so young men seem to think they have to yell from their passing cars, or from anywhere, things like "YOU GOT A DICK!!!! FUCKIN'FAGOT!!!" Wow! what a realization. What a point to ponder. Is that a crime? Does that mean that they don't have one? Once some guy said that as I walked past him and his friends on my way home from work at A DIfferent Light Bookstore, and then I saw a cop standing there. Taking the liberty of his stand-by protection and assumed deterrance I turned and said to the guys friends "He knows t hat to be a fact, because he sucked it last night." What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway? "You've got a dick." Duh! Something that is being assumd in that statement is missed on me. How do they know I haven't had SRS? What difference does i t mean anyway. IT's so ridiculous it's laughable, but behind that statement is a threat of violence born out of fear, not of me or any Transperson, but of themelves and their own feelings. It has to be treated that way. It can't be taken personally. T aking it personally brings harshness into oneself and can feed the fires of the violent vicious cycle that is perpetuated on and on and on. Meditation helps me to to this, as well some other methods.

I really appreciate the sentiment Colleen, about what you said about seeing a TS on a train. That kind of thing is quite beautiful. There was a point in my life when I realized I was living very much with blinders on, shutting out sights and sounds. Then I realized that I was also shutting out the lovely gestures being made. I now ask the Triple Goddess and the Moonstone I put on each morning to help me remain open and receptive, and serene. I find that I encounter more of the best in people every day now. The other kind of horror is an exception, and it's perhaps always just a matter of time before encountering it from time to time, because there are extremely sick and unbalanced, uncentered people running around. But they are an exception. When they are encountered, I believe it is vital to not defer to their sickness, however violent it may be expressed. They need to see that it is all about themselves, and nothing about the transperson that they are threatening and/or abusing.

Yes, Owning ones sexuality is basic. I believe it all starts from there. One needs to know what they like, and empower themselves to that joy within and without. One needs to love oneself, trust oneself, and own oneself. No one should be allowed to touch us, without our permission, and we need to make that stick. Own ing ones sexuality goes against the grain of the patriarchal system that has born so many disconnected males on the streets whose main concern seems to be what the other guys think about their masculinity. I used to often get transharrassment from some g uy in a group of guys, only to have that same guy approach me when the others weren't in sight, coming onto me, and then the transharrassment had transformed into plain old sexual harrassment.
Now he would be telling me "I got a big dick." It's insane, but it's getting better. I believe we have to help it get better, not by fighting back, but by nurturing ourselves and others with our own bliss and joy for being here on this Earth. I think that this is the best way to share ourselves with the world, so that they not only learn to accept us, but love us as one might love any person.

There's really a lot to say about both of these topics.

[This message was edited by Stacy Amber on 06-23-02 at 10:47 PM.]ˇ

[This message was edited by Stacy Amber on 06-23-02 at 10:58 PM.]
You bring up some interesting points about transharassment by males. They are usually the most vocal and sometimes violent. And that's the irony!...

Discrimination is usually spawned by fear. People who discriminate usually feel threatened in some kind of way and it can sometimes cause them to act out.

In our case men think that we challenge their sexuality, if for only a second they think we're real or are attracted to us sexually. The reality is that if the're attracted to women and we "look" or "act" like women then that only affirms their "heterosexuality". (If thats the case. I'm just using it as an example)

But upon realization that we're not, thats where the hostility starts. Then of course there are always the 3 beer bi sexuals or ones who will come up to your when their friends aren't around. Give em a few drinks and they can't wait to get you in the sack.

But anyway....did we digress?
May I please have ALL names and phone numbes of these 3 beer bi-sexuals (LOL)

Well as always this topic serves as such an exorcism of sorts. Stacy you fucking CONTINUE to enlighten others and myself with your experiences and "herstory". My hope is that for every person who SHARES in this topic, there are 50 lurkers who tune in on a regular basis and either learn to live with themselves better, or equally important, learn to live with others better. What a fierce way to educate the masses. Teach it ladies, teach it!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all let me just say this is a FIERCE topic and one of the few on the Motherboards that left me so amazed I was stumped for an answer. Maybe that's why it's taken me so long to join it. I encourage everyone to be proud and be the best you can be in your chosen self-expression. OWN IT.

I guess all I can contribute is my own perspective and experience for what it's worth. As a gender bender/androgyne, I walk through a strange middle country somewhere between the gay archetypes of circuit boy and drag queen. This has had ramifications for me in both my professional life as a performer and my personal life.

On the professional side I've found resistance at times from the drag community as many people don't see what I do as "drag" – they just see a boy with make-up on. And it's true my image is much more boy than girl, more Duran Duran than RuPaul. And that's intentional. But as a result and despite the fact that I'm just as talented as most others on the club scene, I've often had to plead/beg/cajole/fight to get on stages where other full drag artists would get a booking on the spot simply by virtue of wearing wigs and gowns. Then once I'm on the stage – particularly in Chelsea venues -- I'm frequently greeted with blank stares of non-recognition because I'm not the typical Judy lip synching drag queen they're accustomed to. Not that I'm complaining: as a professional I've accepted these things as simply another due to pay and part of the business. As a performer androgyny is what I've chosen to give and it's what I want to express most on stage, and so I'm resigned to dealing with whatever comes along with that decision. I also take pride in being unusual and a gender rebel. There's a kind of "fuck you" punk sensibility about it that I enjoy on some level.

What's more difficult to figure out is the personal side – that is, when it comes time to get laid or meet boys. Many gay men instantly dismiss me as a potential romantic or sexual partner when they see me in make-up, rushing to call me "girl" and giving me the non-sexual air kiss (i.e. the brush-off) and saving their french kisses for some normal boy. (this in itself creates conflict within me ... part of me doesn't want my make-up messed up, the other part of me wants the tongue down my throat! Hence my preference of late for clear lip gloss) My look is drag queen-ish enough to turn off those men who want traditional masculinity in their partners and have no sexual interest in anything remotely tranny. I see boys in windbreakers and jeans cruising each other and I know I'm kind of outside of that. But at the same time, since I'm not doing full drag and therefore not presenting the illusion of womanhood, I don't get tranny chasers either. This leaves me in a weird pergatory path that is difficult to navigate at times. Of course there are exceptions and I do get laid and meet boys. So much of it is in your attitude and self-confidence and when I'm in make-up I feel like a star. It's also been my experience that when I do snag boys when I'm in make-up, said boys tend to have more open-minded/sophisticated tastes, and that gives me great satisfaction. Also as time goes on the younger generations have fewer and fewer hang-ups and less gender-specific preconceptions, and I've benefited from that and certainly exploited it. And the more I walk this strange gender blurred line the more comfortable I become ... so it only gets better. But it's a learning curve.
How I LOVE this topic - let me get sum!

I love being a boy. I am a gay boy. I love gettin' awl up in drags and I looove performing - although my thing has never been 24/7...although I've been wearing makeup and dressing in "boy glam" since the 8th grade.

Do I feel like part of the transgendered communuity? I love my trannies - i reallly do. While I am not transgendered or trans-identified - I guess I consider us all family on one spectrum because we are all lumped together...and it especially seems to be that way in New York. Now -maybe it's my super Rupaul "Everybody Say Love" and "the tg's, cd's, and dq's here are all together" image that was painted in my mind by the likes of Wigstock - but when I got to New York I saw that.

Never before did I see fierce drag queens, genetic girls, flawless trannies, and cunty cross dressers grooving to the same vibe (Cheez Wiz). I love it - I love it - I love it.

I agree with Miss Understood when she said that she's never been exactly comfortable with the over-extreme personficiations of "maleness" in our culture - and at the same time "femaleness" too. I like the fact that she is comfortable with her maleness by making her own rules and redifining what it means to her - we must engage in some kai kai festivities. But really speaking -I feel the same way. I have always percieved myself socially androgynous and really get weirded out when people come up to me wanting me to be all masculine and stick my "big cuban cigar" somewhere. In the same token- I have felt equally odd the one time a CD wanted me to dress up for him and him to treat me like the "girl I really wanted to be" and spank my cocoa buns.

Has anyone else had this go on?? Does this feeling of "oddity" last?

I also like what Lex had to say about being a gay boy in makeup. I am recently going through the first pangs of rejection due to makeup since my drag is turning into something more serious on terms of entertainment, career, and community. A lot of guys are soo frightened by it and automatically loose their boner, which leaves me in sort of a limbo momentarily. The great thing is is that the makeup is a filter...it automatically filters out guys you would rather not be around and their oh-so-close-minded ways.

In the end - I have to aggree with my Sweetie when I say that I always felt a kindredness with the female spirit, and boys who walked the grey line and genderfucked. I wanted to be both Sheila E and Prince.

In the end...butch queen or femme queen...miss executive realness or mr. immaculate, we are in the same house. rock out.


Nicky Lazaro

[This message was edited by Nicky Lazaro on 08-09-02 at 12:52 PM.]

[This message was edited by Nicky Lazaro on 08-09-02 at 12:55 PM.]
As you can see I am shy. I just decided to post to one of the best topics I have read on an electronic forum in a long time because I am demure wink

Wow ladies and everyone, it is too bad more people can't read this thread. To understand, to disagree, to relate and finally to enable them to think outside the "little" box that we all have in our heads. The one that we so neatly try to place the people we encounter in. Even as a gg I never fit neatly in a box with a label and I never will. I don't know anyone here except Colleen *smooch*, who invited me to check out QMB. Thank you. Please accept my comments with that understanding.

Activism in any community is never easy and usually thankless. It just isn't as sexy as say inviting someone to a party. But when you have someone who is willing to fight for your community, support them in any way you can. The G&L community will only understand and include transgender issues if someone points them out; the more voices there are the greater the inclusion. You know the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

One of the things that resonated so deeply within me about this thread was fact that people said that they refused to carry labels about their behavior and identity. It is so much easier to prejudge someone by how they look; we do it all the time. We try so hard to fit into predefined categories because life is much simpler when we do. Thank you to those people who have pointed out that life is so much richer when you don't. When you don't prejudge and when you don't let others define who you are. Not easier but definitely richer.

That being said, is a TV/TG/CD less if they only dress up in front of their mirror at home? Part of what activism and self-definition allow is freedom. The freedom to do as we please, the way we chose to do it without anyone's judgments.

Back to lurking (I am really not as serious as this post sounds). BTW this board rocks. This board shares resources like few I have seen.

Sierra
Damn, I haven't been here for a while. You M.F. Bitches rock!
A couple of things...

Lady Sierra,
Please don't be a stranger. We need MORE intelligent voices. (It's hard for Nancy Isla, Messy Bonnie and I to hold that end up by ourselves). I'm so glad you came out of the lurker's closet.

And Sweetie,
As far as lurkers...
quote:
My hope is that for every person who SHARES in this topic, there are 50 lurkers who tune in on a regular basis and either learn to live with themselves better, or equally important, learn to live with others better.

Believe me, there are MANY people reading this topic. Eventually some will post but you are reaching thousands. That's a good thing.

And Mother Rose Royale,
As Lady Sierra points out.
quote:
Activism in any community is never easy and usually thankless. It just isn't as sexy as say inviting someone to a party. But when you have someone who is willing to fight for your community, support them in any way you can. The G&L community will only understand and include transgender issues if someone points them out; the more voices there are the greater the inclusion. You know the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

You are our squeaky wheel Rose! I know it is a thankless job but thanks.
Daddy,
I appreciate your kind words and the community you have built here. I enter it with respect and awe at the resources and the people that are working to communicate in a complex culture.

I am quiet because I have a lot to learn.

I hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and the weather.

I agree, "the bitches rock".

Sierra

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