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I have been going to Jamaica now for over 16yrs...it always inspires me to write a diary... here's a lil chapter from this past Saturday...


Strolling down Main street, shiny, shirtless ebony men hold out a clenched fist to me and knock against my knuckles "reeespekt why-t lay-dee...mee lie-k ya shay-p..'nuff reepekt"
I bow my head in acknowledgement as I walk on by.
Reaching across the street passed a group of uniformed school children, skirting away from the stray goats all the while feelin the boom boom of the ragga dancehall beat in my belly as it blares from every corner. "pppppssst! Psssst!" i hear from the men at the gas station "pssst! Big strong gal! Wanna ride wid me!?"
Across the old stone bridge an older dread is barefoot standing by a cooking pot at am impromptu fire stirring his food he blissfully watches the world go by, vendors selling wire wool balanced in mounds on flat trays a-top their heads walk brisk through careering honking traffic. I stop by a small beauty shop, down a dirt track road and ask the lady if she can wash and blow out my hair "Yesss Miss yer wanna settin' noooo prob-lem, 500J" (roughly the equivalent of $5 US). The place is like a busy family home, a baby lies in a crib to my side, two other women sit on small metal stools in the middle of the room as teenage girls braid their hair, clippers buzz like bees as the barber services a steady stream of men and boys.
A suprise to most of the waiting customers the stocky treacle colored barber offerd to wash my hair and leads me past a torn pink curtain to the dimly lit back room. A lone reclining chair cascades into an old tarnish basin. He swaddles towels around my shoulders like i am a fragile china doll and leans me back onto the sink, "I tink you arrrr a very pretty lay-dee", he whispers in my ear. "Oh thanks!" i say quite nochalant used to my new found 'fame'. Thought of the tacky 70's movie Shampoo crossed my mind as he peruse the dated decor as he washed and caressed my hair again and again. By the THIRD wash i was beggining to wonder if I had THE dirtiest hair in the world. At round four of the conditioning scalp massage he was startled as we were joined in the cramped back room by a tall well defined man with cornrowed hair. "Cordell,Yer wand some 'elp?"By this time I told them both that I thought I had THE cleanest hair in the whole of Chrisondom and shuffled dripping into the main room, almost embarrsed by my lengthy absence! A chubby dark skinned woman in a stained pink robe carefully glues rows of long silky hair onto the scalp of a younger gal as she asks me to choose the products I could use on my hair. Swiftly avoiding the 'placenta' cream (urg!) I pick up some hair mouse an step into the wobbly stylist seat all the time being watched by the stocky barber and his grinning skinny friend. After a scalp byrning blow dry I suggest adventourously that I could go for something "creative" (ha!) and so she headed to the table in front which looked like an alchemists desk at an Ironmongers school. After careful selection she chose some contraption that looked more like a pair of metal pliers and sat it in a rough hot metal sleeve. It was this point that I wondered if a horse might arrive for new shoes ... but no this was beauty Jamaican-style. I was excited, my over washed scorch-blown hair was about to be seared into shape with iron-monger gusto. Working her magic-1920 finger waves appeared with the combo of Destiny's Child flicks - it was hideous on my chubby red face - but I loved it!
The walk back 'home' created the same usual attention I had now gotten used to...but at least this time I was ....a Yardie hair hopper!
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I keep meaning to post about the new Hot Spot in Jamaica. There's a night club in West Kingston (trenchtown way!) that just emerged in one of THE worst neighbourhoods... a "garrison community" (the areas that can only be 'policed' by full army in riot gear) its in Tivoloi Gardens which is one of those 'hoods that no Jamaican would even go to unless by gunpoint. HOWEVER... for ONE night a week everyone dresses up to the MAX MAX MAX and there is a cavalcade of cars that are 'escorted in' to the hood for this party... It's unbelievable!! How packed the place gets and the upscale folks that go there ... total decadance... but its not exclusive ..even locals from Trench town etc go there...Its just unbelievable as it goes all night.Real outlaw but up till now unbelievably safe... The police and government are speaking out about it as this is the first time that traffic is getting into that area and the roads now have to be improved! Plus the all night traffic jams are making headline news...Swatch watches have stepped in to pay for a new soundsystem... the whole thing is out of control... and all in the middle of one of the most dangeous areas in the country!! The club is called Passa Passa... and if u find yourself in Kingston ...dress as wild as you want and you will easily get in!
Having a ball (literally) in Jamaica.... started off in Montego Bay (Mo Bay) then went to Ochi (Ocho RIos) spent a day up in the Blue mountains in a cabin with a bunch of elderly toothless rastas who cooked all sorts of odd food that I didn't recognize but of course ate.. hung out with my friends in a small hillside town (Castleton) where they forced me to go to Baptist church by the river... Am now in Kingston town... did my tourist pilgrimage to Robert Nesta Marley house today where I hung around on my own (literally there were NO other tourists!!) in Bobs House sittin in the doorway of his bedroom seeing his clothes still there and his bed and guitars etc... feeling the bullet holes in the kitchen walls from the shots that went through his body... while my rastaman guide Biggie made me some fresh herb juice... (fresh juices and herbs steeped with ganja root)... from there my Jamaican guy who is all Mr Fancy pants made me go for British High tea - women in hats and frock (me stoned) and watching the cricket on the telly...
Off to the new club tonight the fancy one then off to Passa passa in Trench town... hold on to me handbag!
Ended my trip down in Negril... found the most stunning place to stay! Which is defo defo Fag-friendly! www.rockhousehotel.com
It a hip boutique hotel... on the not so tall cliff area... beautifully done, (owners are four Australians who live there)..very Balanese in design... I stayed in one of the villas which was unbelievable... but uber romantic (i defo would have be bummed and depresed if I were on my own there!! Ha!). Round hand carved stone circular villas, four poster beds, with mosquitto nets, the best cotton sheets, stereo systems that you can blast loud as each villa is rather secluded... private areas to sunbath or have dinner delivered... tiki torches around the place at night.. just the sound of the ocean... and best of all an open roofed shower!
Total bliss.... if you need to get away from it all and just want to chill this is heaven (they even have morning yoga out on the cliff tops if you like)... common areas near the main house have tv, chess and Dominos which guest play .. its uber chill, very friendly. Great food/drink/staff and incredibly romantic!!!
OK ... just got back from Jam Down.... was having a conversation with a group of mainly women in Jamaica non of whom had heard of Botox when I explained to them what it was they all laughed out loud "SUCH FOOLISHNESS" asking me if men did it too etc.. the view of womens bodies and looks is really different and rather refreshing...The Pin Ups are strong looking women - very Robert Crumb cartoons really - big thick strong legs, bubble buts almost WWF women at times - very powerful... Boob jobs are NOT really popular either... the ONLY popular surgery advertised in the back of magazines everywhere - vaginoplasty!! a tightening of the Punny... cos of course such a surgery the gals tell me is 'essential not foolish'! Great to hear that the country has life in perspective.. the chicks might be big strang hell-tea gals with breasts like dangling oranges in knee socks.. but god bless em.. they got what REALLY counts!! LOL
The other thing I found really funny was that women with Moustaches is fairly acceptable ... and that sometimes hairline from a womans navel to her bits... is the "treasure trail"...womens hair I was told is sybolic of her virility!! Meantime all I have left is a hitler muzzy (and I dont mean on my face) they must think I am sooooooo lame.
So, I attended the Caribbean model search in Kingston last week... some AMAZING fierce new Grace Jones' walking the runway and some dee-lish young jamaican boy-chicken too... but had to notice that the fashion still prevailed almost ALL the models had 'the treasure trail' of hair from navel to pussy.. it was sooo funny to see... you quite forget how 'altered' women are here in the States.

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Finally got to Port Royal in Jamaica last wk... historically an unbelieveable place...founded around 1670 it was considered the Buccaneers place "the wickedest place of all" It basically was a settlement for Pirates incl Captain Henry Morgan and Bluebeard . A town that boasted of all of its prostitutes and drunkeness (my kinda town!), all funded on pirate of the carribean looted gold, jewels etc! At one point in Port Royal there was one ale tavern for every 60 people (sounds like Liverpool) . There are few buildings remaining from that time since a freak earthquake came and sunk most of the city! 33 acres of the city totally sunk! Houses, ports, contents and occupants all under in one day, some folks say its better than Atlantis... There are some ole British churches left with amazing headstones that tell pirate tales as well as the remains of an ole fortress with canons... but the whole place is NOT geared towards tourists which makes it all the more fascinating to me really. I often wonder why i feel such a kindred spirit toward JA and on a guided tour I learnt that these pirate ships sailed often to Liverpool....perhaps I was one of these strumpets who trolled the taverns of Port Royal!?

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So... just got back from Jamaica... and thought it was interesting to see that after two years of failure McDonalds has pulled out of the country all together... they had opened up the burger chain in four locations on the isle but due to lack of customer support they have had to close down! How fab is that .. not ONE Mickey D's on the whole isle! The popular fast food chain is Island grill that serves steamed fish and beer! Now thats my kinda fast food!
I was wonderin' where you were. I should have known.
I just re-read this whole topic...
1) You are a very fierce woman!
2) I never wanted to go to Jamaica but after re-reading your travelogue, I have changed my mind. But I want to go with you.
3) And knowing just a LITTLE bit of what you can't say publicly...
You are a very fierce woman!!!!
Wow.. thanks Daddy.... have to tell you that u have competition now... since i was DJing in Kingston!!! LOL went to a party and the music sucked I ended up pluggin in my ipod and playing Reggaeton which nobody has heard there!!! Can u believe it.. nobody is listening to it.. so I had the joint jumping with Gasolina, Pon de replay etc... and a J.Period mix that I had of some ruff neck yardie stuff.. very funny! These youths were shouting "white selektor! Why-t seeelektor!" It was just crackin me up... How the DJ biz seems to work in JA is u have the "Selector" who chooses and plays the music then u have the "DJ" who does the talking over the music .. then you have the "hype men" normally two youths who know all the latest dances who hype the crowd... Went to brunch the day after and some guy gave me a 'nuff respect (clenched fist to the chest as he passed me cos he said he was at the party and they had a great time!!) I wouldn't dare do that in NYC.. don't know why i just have the balls to do anything down there!!!

Was also in the rainforrest and stayed on the beach (literally - http://www.yahimba.com ) Heres my crappy camera phone pics again...

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Alas and alack I can't get down there... lots of major stuff going on at the office which ties me .. the only time i can go (the wk btw chrimbo and ny) the cost of the flts are $700 ! sod that! I want me Christmas Fruit bun and cheese! I want to go see Pantomimes!
I am currently looking at dates in January that might work. Probably gonna go to Kingston an head up to Portland ... the best secret in Jamaica. Tourist free!!! Lush, green jungles, amazing Blue Mountains.. and the most photographed beaches in the world (They filmed Brooke Sheilds Blue Lagoon there! ha!).
It's only a matter of days now till I am back in Jamaica... and to say I am excited is an understatement! Am counting the days,nay hours!
One thing that am eager to go to are the 'parties'. Nowerdays in Kingston more and more events are held in private homes not clubs. I wish this happened more in NYC. I never know WHO owns these homes but most of them are fancy huge houses 'Uptown' in Kingston in the Hills overlooking the city. It's normally a word of mouth event (often chalked up arrows on the roads to the house). They run tight guest lists on the door. There are no free lists but a strict payment. There is all u need at these parties from music, drunk, sex and drugs (if thats your thang) ... they normally attract a real interesting mix of people too. But the outlaw nature is what I really enjoy (and I have been to some gay parties too). The freedom of the non-guilliani/bloomberg bottle service generation is wonderful. I think this is where we should movie Jackie 60! Next wk i have been invited to two such parties one is called "menage a troi" heh heh ... might be fun!
Name to watch out of Jamaica - Ras Kassa - film director. Unbelievable stuff, excellent use of color, political, just a real story teller. You might have seen his work in some music videos but I swear this kid is gonna be HOLLYWOOD huge if he puts up with LA... he is full on rasta and shun's allot of the bling associated with success and always wants creative control so he might opt to stay out of the biz. But Hollywood IS listening and have set him up a studio in LA I hear... but he is moving most of it to Kingston to teach local kids - i hear - I think his vision is amazing, his work is fantastic (i don't know him, would love to meet him) saw a local tv doc about it and he just 'gets it', 'gets' all the b.s. about how everyone is brought up to believe cash is king and materialism is all what we need. He just 'gets it'. Was well impressed!
Check out his work on the Damian Marley video for Jam rock - excellent cinematography - http://www.universalrecords.com/damianmarley/mediaplayer/
Time for Bun!
In Jamaica at Easter people eat ˜Bun' - A brown sweet fruit loaf popular to eat with thick slices of cheese or butter. You can buy these heavy fruit buns in allot of West Indian stores (inc. Daphne's on 14th/2nd). But the other popular use of the word BUN in Jamaica is used by women – If a woman complains to her friends about her man (especially if its that he is crap in bed) the advice that will be given will be "bun im" meaning cheat on him. The saying by men "man a get bun" means when his woman is sleeping with other men. More recently the top of the charts was a song called Bun Him sung by Macka Diamond and Black-er, the video shows her going out with different men cos he was a looser. At this time of Easter when we shall enjoy some Bun... It makes me also think of some of my American friends who put up with such losers who they really should have given Bun to ages ago. If only women had that same self confidence that my JA gyals do over here!
I think I found a good lil NEW hideaway in Jamaica Mount Edge in the Blue Mountains http://www.jamaicaeu.net/vacations.htm... interesting lil B&B,way up in the hills over kingston...lil farm/coffee plantation - wooden cottages - fairly simple but chill. E-mailed the owner who was decent 'nuff to only ask for $40 a night for the Gong House which he says is the best cottage out of the lot as it has the best view/veranda and ensuite bath/toilet. I am taking my kid and he said he won't charge me for a ˜pickney'. He also offered to pick us up from the airport for just $32 which is an excellent rate too. Seems very chill – previous guests have included Michael J Fox (how random!) and Lauren Hutton (of course!). It's quite amazing up there as its abundant with hummingbirds that are relaxing to watch... and there are loads of huge butterflys and lizards (there are no snakes in JA). Our kid will love all the pick your own banana's etc...and the owner said he has some bikes we can borrow to get to the local village. Should be a riot.. We will only spend 3 days there and then head back to the city and the beach. Am giddy already!
This from todays Jamaican newspaper The Gleaner, Home remedy suggestions for rum and ganga....



What dem seh ...

A little rum in a glass of milk will settle a child's, or anyone's for that matter, upset stomach or nausea.

White rum is good for curing the common cold. Men in particular, who suffer from cold symptoms, should drink it straight with lime juice, get to bed and wrap up in the covers, and by morning will be rid of their symptoms.

Soak a small rag in white rum, and place it on the forehead of a feverish person, and the cooling effects of the rum will 'break the fever' in no time.

It gives relief from arthritis and other joint pains if used to 'sop' the joints.

Two tea spoons of bizzy soaked over a long time in a small flask of white rum, becomes a remedy for colic or upset stomach . (just a tablespoon at a time).

A small branch of green marijuana leaves left in rum till the white rum becomes a dark green, is also a great way to alleviate colds and flu. Sap the forehead with a little and swallow a tablespoon full and get between the sheets.
eaner.
Only in Mo Bay - Headlines in today's papers -

MoBay gays not happy with 'panty shortage' story
Threaten newspaper staff over publication

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

MONTEGO BAY, St James - The Western Mirror newspaper, based in this city, was yesterday forced to review its security arrangements in the face of threats from two men over a story alleging that gay men were responsible for a panty shortage here.

Angered by the allegations in yesterday's Western Mirror lead story - 'Panty Shortage Hits MoBay' - the men yesterday stormed the newspaper's offices and threatened the staff responsible for writing the story.

According to the story, gay men in the city were 'buying out' women's underwear, prompting the shortage. The article said that on one occasion a well-known gay couple was seen buying 35 underwear from a higgler at an arcade in the city.

The men allegedly entered the newspaper's offices yesterday and demanded to speak to the editor, Lloyd B Smith. Smith was, however, at lunch and according to one reporter, the duo became boisterous and insisted on knowing who had written the article.
It's always an in-joke with my mates to call me Annee Palmer. I know the story of her from history but I must say I'm suprised that that BBC have never made a period drama about her - it's a wonderful story.... one that is prime for a Jackie Playhouse.

Annee Palmer was a teenager when her English mother and Irish father (same as me!!!) took her on a voyage to the West Indies early in the 19th century. She became a beautiful, lascivious and, they say, diabolical plantation owner. (Who was also known to dress in men's clothing!). Annee is said to have lured into her bed any man who took her fancy. Further, she is alleged to have dabbled in voodoo, tortured her slaves and murdered all three of her husbands: poisoning the first, stabbing the second and strangling the third. She killed each husband in a different bedroom and it is said she then instructed slaves to carry their bodies to the sea, after which they themselves were killed to protect her guilt.

She claimed yellow fever - which was common at the time - took the lives of all of her lovers, and because of her involvement in voodoo and her reputation for cruelty, no one challenged her. Strangulation was how the "White Witch" eventually met her death in 1831. She was murdered in her bedroom by her slave lover, Takoo, who suspected Annee of plotting his murder after he took another lover.
If you are ever in Montego Bay you can visit Rose Hall - Annee's home which still stands and see the area's where they found all the bodies of her lovers!!
If you scroll back here u will see back in Feb 06 I posted about a Jamaica film directed whom i was hero worshiping but who I'd never met.
I have an update.
I mentioned his name to a chum of mine, turns out they are pals. Ended up not only meetin my hero but we are planning on working together! I am beyond giddy! The guy is a genius. I truly believe he's just an amazing feral director. He is gonna move to Hollywood now and am sure he's gonna blow up.
It's really tickled me though to have been such a giddy fan of his then to be his chum.
Check out his videos allot of them are up on his page www.myspace.com/raskassa
So here I am in Kingston town ... and one of my many pleasures of 'foreign' travel is visiting supermarkes and drug stores... don't ask but that's the kind of thing that makes me happy. So I find this lil corner chemist, inside it's as quiet as a library and there at the old wooden and glass display cabinet is an elderly women in a brown polyester slip dress, check blouse with cameo broch and her grey hair neatly coufiered. She was the typical church lady... which immediately gave me guilt in my drug frienzy for Disprin and codine (all over the counter there) as it the Pill (real cheap) et al. When I stand an look what other pharmacuical goodies lie on the shelves behind this old dear I am totally mortified as the large array of dildos and vibrators. There's weren't your ordinary american 'quiet' lipstick sized bullets but there were mutherfuckin build by John fuck Deers black cousin. HUGE size of my thigh things. I am frozen, just frozen and can't stop glaring at these 'items of downright torture' (and ultimate pleasure!). And there the old deary is all meek in charge.
A classic JA yard tale.
It's great.
Really good song too.
Ras Kassa is very talented.

but...
Why is everything from Jamaica such a cliche?
Everybody that I meet from Jamaica (of course through Anna Nicole) seems so smart and talented.
But Jamaica seems to be stuck in the 1970's.
That video could have been shot in 1975.
The Rude Boys, the dreads, the slums of Kingston, the police, the thieves, the kids with dreads, the girls as pieces of ass, the hopelessness...
It's been the same video for the last 30 years!
It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

What really interested me was this one.

The space ship hovering above Kingston...
Now that's what I'm talking about.

I understand that the problems there are still the same but there has to be a new way to express it.
Otherwise nobody will take it seriously.
It's like Martin Luther King's Birthday.
I mean it great that the country celebrates it but it's the same old speech year after year.
Same old Coretta, Same old Jesse Jackson, Same old Rev. Al etc. etc. etc.
(OK Well, maybe Coretta has moved on)

Is there anything more experimental going on there A.N.?
As is Grace Jones.......

Honestly, there's a hell of allot of 'fierce' out there... that's why it's home to me. its a place of extreem which i adore, even if I disagree with it. You know I like my Ho's to look like Ho's my biggots to look like Biggots ... it's all out there.

As for your views on it all being stuck in the 70s I disagree. I think what you mean is that people are still saying the same thing about LOOK at the ghetto, look at the violence or rude bwoys. I think Jamaicas are incredibly proud of their identities its one of the few countries in the Caribbean that hasn't fully embraced American brands (McDonalds, Sean John, Hillfigure all failed in the country, but local designers and food chains thrive). I think in the JA visuals everyone wants to identify and their story to be heard as its a pretty much voiceless society really (people aren't all on the internet etc). What you see on those videos might be a cliche to you but that's life to the people there and these are Jamaican artists you are looking at and that's what they want to show THEIR story. Most commercial scenes are just one note. (And these videos are commercials they aren't arthouse for a reason they are selling products). I didn't think the Alborosie video was negative actually the sunsets the people kissing the kids and the vibe in the record store I felt all 'homesick' but then again that's me... some young fairy might see a video of some chelsea bar in full fagulocity and feel the same feeling for that (while I look and think oh so one note).
I get yer point.
Anyway, our Kassa is here next wk so u can nag him in person about it.
He's dying to do some REAL film work!!!
Last edited by Anna Nicole
You make a good point A.N.
It is their culture.
I guess I have the same problem with Japan for example. It's like they never got over Godilla. Everything is just a sci-fi cliche with them.

Jamaica has always had a very fierce identity.
Very "upity".
It has such an interesting history -the Maroons, Marcus Garvey, Haili Salasi, Rastafarism etc.
Jamaica was the only colony as far as I know that fought back and essentially beat the Spanish, then the English. Jamaica just became a sort of "Iraq" for them.
(Jamaican history is VERY good reading BTW if you like that sort of thing like Hatches and I do. Check out the Jamaican Maroons and the Tainos!)

So I see your point A.N.
What seems like a cliche to me is really their culture.

It's just that sometimes this history of culture turns into a self fulfilling prophecy.
People stop thinking "outside the box".
It like the ghetto bullshit in this country.
Kids think they have to be a certain way because that's all they see on TV, in movies and in ads etc.
I guess that's what it is that bothers me.

I would love to meet Kassa.
I can bitch to him in person.
I think the dif with his work an allot of others in that genre is that his women in his vids aren't 'hos' they are sassy in control women. He never has guns in his videos or bling (unless the artist really insists, and they do!)

He calls me today to tell me about the many butterflies he's seeing today - four different colored ones in his apt already today! That's the kinda tinker he is!

As for the history you are right....
Annie Palmer is my heroine
And Nanny of the Maroons - she was an 18th century female warrior who fought off the British. She was believed to have supernatural powers. amazing woman
Am here in Kingston Town - as is my want from time to time when I need to get some grounding, when I need to re-ancor. One thing that I truly relish here is the need for people to talk to one another.... its a lost art in America. As someone who is verbally incontinent (as y'all know), its a treat for me to shuffle around town seeing ole an new chums and just - TALK. Talking in the US has to be around dinner, around an occasion or even around music or a tv. Here talking is just sitting, mainly in the yard or somewhere.

Yesterday, I stopped by the legendary Alan Skill Coles house. For those of u who don't want to google. He was the David Beckham of his era, (Played professional soccer in Brazil) he was also Bob Marleys ole manager and collaborator on many project. He's a fascinating well travelled, well read, humble, warm and loquacious man. Just to stop by that man's yard where he sat with two elderly rasta men and instantly be welcomed and talk for hours about poltics, Bob, the world and the consumerist society was a real tonic. I can never see how those kind of shared thoughts goes on these days in the US without it having to be a contrived set up meeting. That's what I love about it here. The pace and the exchange. Plus the vibracy of the people. Alans in some trouble right now and might face some jail time after they found a large amount of ganja in his house. I don't know truly what went on, but I hope he'll be alright.

Got drunk last night.... made some of those awful dialing when drunk calls (lawdhavemercy).

The hurricane might hit on Sunday so I might not get out... but at least I know I will be stuck with some good conversations!!
Hello Sailors it's your very own Motherboards correspondent from the Eye of the Hurricane!

Bunkered down in Kingston Town playing dominos drinkin rum and getting into cars with random strangers whats new eh...

Just come back from on the road... music is blasting there's a woman in full wedding dress walking down the road (!?), men playing dominos and drinking rum and slowly people are boarding up business fronts- But I mean SLOWLY. Everyone doesn't seem hyped up as the US. I was totally in a tearful panic these past 48hrs but now I don't give a shit. Everyone is "oh I will check u later" allot of folk have had to go get elders from unsafe areas. I just phoned Goverment blokie and they have a huge issue in that they think the main (very very old) jail might get hit real bad (Yikees).
I felt totally lonely before but am feelin a bit better since more folk are slowly checkin back in with me. I think am just used to being in the US where there are all these crazy plans for emergency and everyone having a job to do and planning and organizing... here it seems we all just wait 'lek nature take it's course" u hear them say real laid back.
I just nipped out to buy some of me fave supplies - Fresh peanut punch (ground peanuts with sweet milk, nutmeg and a dash of rum), Bullah (round hard dough pasteries with sweet spices), bun an cheese (fruit loaf with a slice of processed cheese in the middle) and of course a large bottle of Stones Ginger Wine. I think am set. I don't know who if anyone will check me or if I will just ride it out alone here. If anyone can be 'alone' in JA - I just walked from the supermarket and it was starting to get real dark in a gloomy way with heavy drops of rain. An old man in a flash car pulls up "mi names Shaggy" - course it is, i reply. Mi know yer a friend of Kassa' let me give u a lift yer at the Altamont hotel mi know... I jump in and he chats, offers me a spliff and drops me off refusing money. Kingston town,where everyone knows your name.

Pip pip for now... prayer mats out that one of the lads comes to keep me safe (cue coquettish giggle).
Cheers Seven!
Lovely to read Boards when I've felt a bit billy no mates here.

Post Script- I just took a look at the business card the taxi driver I just got a ride from gave me. A white card, heavy stock with a crudly printed old style almost Helvetica in red ink "Shaggy, celebrity taxi driver in Kingston ..." Now that really warmed the cockles of mi heart. Makes me remember why I love this place.
It's 12 noon and its getting closer and closer! I'm so giddy I just come from a drive! Bad weather, heavy heavy rain, wind just starting u feel it's going to pick up hard any minute...we drove up Jacks Hills (a fancy area on the hill) but couldn't pass the roads as power lines had fallen across the roads. There are huge mansion houses up there which i total worry could slide down that mountain (if huge pilons are falling now with no wind just water what else u know). But still outside Bob Marleys house at 56 Hope Road there's still a man selling the SUnday newspapers to passing cars! As u drive down (my mate has huge truck) waves surge high either side of the car. I doubt we will go on the road again now... but it was an exhilarating jaunt.
So many people are staying put in their homes. Crazy. But then again for so many it's all that they have. I'm terrified for the people on the little strip of land(its like fire island) called Port Royal... just terrified but they are all staying.
Anyway, the country is without power now, all electricity has been turned off island wide. But I have a generator here which stops and starts.
I'm also doing radio reports for the BBC (BBC Radio Merseyside who have tracked me down!) what a hoot!). Seems that most reporters are on Montego Bay so few in Kingston where it WILL hit!
Anyway, am giddy... sort of FINALLY enjoying being a Hurricane Virgin.
PS You will all be glad to hear I did my hair and make up and am wearing a very nice dress. I thought I should dress for this occasion, it was the English thing to do.
May or may not be able to post for a while.
Your very own Mother-correspondent!
We're all pulling for you A.N. and your little Island.
It's the "aftermath" that I'm worried about.
Looting, gangs etc.
If it's like New Orleans (and I think it is),
after the storm could be a lot worse than the storm.
Well, at least you know a celebrity cab driver.
I've known a few and they are always a good omen.
Ok so the trees are beggining to fall. The TV is totally off and all the poor banana trees behind my room are flat on the ground. I'm trying to 'rescue' the cats that are here but can't find them. Hope they got in alright. The rain is torrential and I think MIGHT flood my room but that's ok. Kassa might still bring his dog here but I thing at this stage those lads have the biggest challaces that they are smokin that they might not even notice. (The dogs name - Spliffy). He has nuff food there etc and is in the office with the lads.
U really feel it pickin up but the girls in the hotel just left an got into taxis to leave (Which is crazy). Everyone is very chill, its the US news that's over tabloidian. There's a curfew in this area too. I tried to reach my chums up at Mount Edge guest house (real on the edge of the blue mountains) but their phones are all off. Hope they are ok. Should hit any minute now... Rather drunk on Stones Ginger Wine (its an ole lady drink here but I luv it) and getting calls from Ras Kassa and the crew so waggons are in a circle - and of course all the staff at the hotel know me! LOL
I have that nervous giddyness... just pissed I dont have a radio for mi room (might stay up in the small reception area with me bottle of Stones).
Nuff respekt from JA.

By the way, I have now changed outfits to pants a low cut top and a jaunty hat. I plan on entertaining myself throughout this storm even if it is just me working me way through all those outfits I never got to wear. It's also crackin up the staff here who think am....well, nuts.
I must say I am LOVING this Hurricane... i know its terrible but we're all really riding this like a rollercoaster. It's now at the point where as I type i hear endless crashing of roof tiles and trees crashing. It's wonderfully wild in a majestic cinematic shipwrecked kinda way... the fine heavy rain just lashes against the windows like thick waves.
Of course the front desk bwoy is as camp as Christmas and squeels an clasps his hands after each crash. It's a small hotel so it's wonderfully funny sense of banding together. I just called Kassa.. he sounded sooo stoned it was a Robert Crumb comic.. he just was gruffly laughin but u could feel his just 'Irie'
Anyway, an Ackee tree just fell am gonna go check it out with the lads... all this in ballet slippers - quite amazing.
Thanks for listening.... am sort of bored/lonely actually most of the hotel is Jamaicans an they are all rather jaded about the whole thing... The dining room area has one wall open so a few of us have been sitting there watching the storm like its a big tv screen. It's marvelous and you get rather casual - too casual about it really. Its only when a huge piece of zinc roof the side of a front door comed hurtling into the room an crashes like a piece of tissue paper that you really feel the reality. The national anthem is on the local radio station in between some wicked Dancehall tunes. Only in JA during a state of emergency they are singing about Batty Riders! Madge Madison called and could hear the madness, course he also heard me DJing... whyte Selektor again. Had to stop DJing an move back to reception as I was getting soaked even in the back of the room that only has one wall open - the mists of water just had me soaked. So am back in reception with the bwoys here listening to the radio an hittin up the net. Onto mi second bottle of wine that I merrily carry around in one hand - dainty girlie purse in the other. I can's stay in the room am going crazy in there. Although it did hit a few minutes really really bad an I scurried in there (unfortunately the cat I rescued to stay in my room fled out). But it started up really really bad so I did find myself in my closet - literally with the wine in one hand and the ipod an speakers in another playing FULL blast Damian Marleys one loaf of bread tune over an over again (go to my myspace an u can hear it www.myspace.com/janeneen ) It's a good hurricane track... Daddy and Sammy Jo any good tips for DJing?
Not much trouble going on... just called National Security geezer. All good.
Just finished my dinner - "Mutton an Irish potato with rice an peas" delicious... only in JA kids. Ok must go as my two front desk bwoys are calling me (they insist on calling me by my last name Miss B not my first! it's classic JA formality which is a hoot) "ooohhh miss B ... we have some overproof rum for yer likkle medicinal"
Every ting Kris mon...
Thanks gang for listening an being there....
Billy no mates in Kingston Town
gawd ye of big faith... believe me nowt doin' for me here... although the generator is being turned off in a tick so we were just given a candle and a box of matches. That's perhaps when the real fun will happen. I just read MSN news they say the troops are patrolling to keep the peace... so I call National Security and they said "what!? Where do u get that idea from"
Amazing what shit is on the news.
Pray for a shag...for me oh an pray that all the people are safe.
Fashion note... have moved onto thick wedge shoes since the water is coming into my room and its tough to paddle in ballet slippers.
Took a wee nap - in my clothes ... am thinking I will be in my clothes all night. BUGGER! First night EVER in 20yrs of visiting JA where I sleep alone and with me kit ON! jeez
ok lights off now...
wee willie winkie
Waitin to hear you comin out the other side A-Okay.

Kind of like being born no?

Reminds me of all the tornados I sat out in the mid-west. You just hunker down in the sump room in the basement as this sound of a train crash slowly moves down the street and most the air gets sucked out of the room. There is not a thing you can do but listen to the radio, the crashing and blowing up outside, and your own heartbeat while you wait. A person can't stay hyper edgy for more than a half hour so you tend to unwire in your muscles and get this 'what the hell' sense of calm tinged with an anticipatory curiosity. Force of nature sure makes a human feel inconsequential.

Give us a line when you can get your head up. You sound like your are doing just fine so far.
All good.... actually you get really blase about it all after a while. It was sort of like the sound of waves crashing or low flying air crashed coupled with tin roof tiles smashing, glass and trees. Allot of the tiles on the hotel roof have gone - next door the higher rise hotels windows smashed out. I went on the road and drove around and allot of traffic lights, telegraph poles and trees blocking the road but no major madness. It's all fine. Infact in comparrison to New Orleans - JA managed it much better and took care of its folk much better. No dead folk floating around for days ignored here.... People are much calmer and understand natures signs allot better. Chums kept telling me that they are seeing birds and lizards so they knew it won't be that bad as it came ... They knew the signs.
For me now I am just bored an lonely since most of my chums are either in industries (like government or construction owners) who need to be working emergency all day. Or they are pals who are way out of town where the water supply is bad. So I chose to stay here but it's means am isolated. But the electricity is back on so I have you guys on the boards.
Don't know when I can get back... but hope it's soon! I miss my tyke so bad.
You totally mad wild woman... the Eye just missed! Loved all the costume changes, like going to wedgies to keep your feet dry!

Dean is relentless, going after those numbered accounts in the Cayman Islands, then on to Mexico where it increases to level 5....

Stay safe!
And get some nookie.

Slide show --

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/20/world/americas/20cnd-...?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
Last edited by S'tan
Yesterday morning I spent from 7am until 8am on the phone with US travel agents who were just utterly hopeless. My hotel had lost power again so I thought I would walk up the road to the larger Pegasus hotel (the hotel where they found the dead cricket manager!). I popped inside and collected e-mail ...which they charged me $5 US !for (cheeky bastards). Then walked up to the air Jamaica office, being ever so careful to step over the power lines that were on the floor and the many downed trees. The clear up was fast and the locals were already out with chainsaws chopping up trees etc. It was really impressive - especially when u compair to how the US handled New Orleans. I arrived at Air Jamaica office only to find them without power and the staff sitting on the wall with note pads and cell phones trying to help. With help from my contacts (wink wink) I managed to get myself on a flight to Florida but I would have to leave immediately! Armed with just a scrap of paper with a locator (they took my credit card info on the phone etc!). I leg it back to the hotel throw everything into my bag, tell the team at the front desk since they couldn't check me out since their system was down we all had an honors system! The airport was chaos – masses of people in a panic to get into the doors and security staff being vigilant at the gates. Inside was worse as the power was down and no air conditioning and no computers but they were still trying to check people on! I manage to find the woman (irish woman) who was to help me and she got me a scrap of paper that confirmed me on the flight! Once inside the terminal it was bedlam just hordes an hordes of people in infernal heat with no relief in the dark. Thank God for my local cell phone since it kept me sane. There was one point were I thought I might pass out when I suddenly realized I hadn't eaten or drank since the night before and was still in the same filthy clothes that I'd slept in. (They thought another storm might hit in the night so I was scared not to be prepared). I'd not washed since we didn't have an water and I stank. Kassa called me frantic to check where I was since the Pegasus was on fire and there was no sign of fire trucks. I lay on the floor as the tiles were cool put my legs up on my suitcase and felt less dizzy. I put the ipod on an listened to Debussy then Joni Mitchell which seemed to really help.
It wasn't until 5pm that I got out of that place. People stayed calm and we all talked to each other, swapped numbers, made friends and cheers and applauded each time the lights went on (even though they seemed on only get these 10min bursts of power). I'm amazed they even got flights out. I'm amazed people didn't totally freak and fight an panic. I was happy too that as I lay on the floor I had some nice scenery as most of the guys in the terminal took off their shirts since it was so hot. At least I had that to be thankful for. But jeez I looked a mess.
By the time I reached Fort Lauderdale around 8pm I found a disabled toilet locked myself in like a crack head and stripped down for a sink wash. Yes dear chums it had to be done. I changed into the only clean clothes I had – a fancy frock and heels! And bought another new ticket on jet blue to Newark.
Now am here, in my business suit at work.
Please can I have another birthday... I think I lost this one.
Friends took me to the worst hit area a place called Caribbean Gardens by Harbor View in Kingston. As soon as I got there I wanted to leave. There was an awful morbid sense fo curiosity and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Homes just mashed up and looted, army was there but you could feel the tension in all the gangs and the loss. I was nagging and begging my chums to get me out of there and NOW cos I just felt totally unsafe (and i NEVER feel unsafe in JA but this was really different). I snuck one photo in from that area, this was it. But u realize why i didn't take any more shots.

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So, am back in Kingston town. Weather is breezy 80s just warm and wonderful.
Just enjoying some warm welcomes from all the folks I know in the neighbourhood. I love the daily in yer face interactions here... a quick jaunt down the road and you will have spoken to at least seven people. And at least one will have remembered you from last time.
I am finally in size 10 jeans - no mean feat considering I've been the hefty hidaway gyal for a while... but considering the amount of eating I am doing since I've been here I might have to head back to Lane Bryant. For some crazy hormonal reason I can't stop eating all the great food. Cornmeal porridge for breakast (or peanut porridge) then oxtail or brown stew chicken for lunch (with rice and peas of course) and steamed fish for dinner of course with sides of festival (savory donuts). That coupled with a mix of Guiness and Red Bull and dont get me started on all the amazing Jamaican cakes!! Everything has rum in it for a start and is rich and moist and creamy! mmm mmm mmm
They might have to roll me umpalumpa style onto the plane!
Last night I went out and met this 'finance' guy here (hes funding allot of projects in JA) everyone told me he was this fancy guy from London. Turns out... he's from mi home town, Liverpool and as common as muck (or as ME). Funny as hell conversations we were having about typical "liverpool families" and how even at his wedding his brother broke a bottle and stabbed him at the stag party! ahhh and people wonder why I feel so safe in JA!! Great guy, great contact for me too.
Anyway,I think I have to take a nap now before director buddy comes to get me ... he's nocturnal and expects me to be too.

I miss mi JA bwoy back in NYC .... madge will u keep him busy for me!!
Welcome to Hell(shire).



Hellshire, Jamaica is a local beach not far from Kingston town; rougher rugged ramshackle kind of beach, what it lacks in beauty it well makes up for with personality.

"Ice Cold Beers! Cigarettes, Wata!" the lanky toothless man hawks, "Wata! Hygrade! IceCold Beers!" the local word for herb was carnival barked like a brand name with a smirk. Welcome to Hellshire!

Small crudely constructed huts with corrugated zinc roof, painted in brightly chipping paint litter a yard from the tide. Between this maze of huts cars drive and park jazz style, sand covered kids play in their underwear; people sell all matter of goods while hard pumping reggae keeps the vibe.

My blokie and I wander the maze of huts and shadowed corners reading the rough hand painted signs "Steamed Fish, Fried Fish, Lobster and Festival". This is where the lines of Jamaica and Africa become blurred. The energy here is more African than Caribbean to me, more of a jarring edge than a laid back breeze.

"Mi a get di steam fish an mi wifey av di fried" my blokie says to the dark dread. I smile a warm grin as I hear the strong sing song Jamaican accent that my blokie has when he's back home. I am sure I'm the same in Liverpool (or as we say in ˜da pool dee doo do don't dee"). "don't forget festival" I said as I saw the long tasty savory stick˜donuts' frying in his pan. We chose our fish that the fishman had just thrown into the old cooler box. I chose a vivid blue faced parrot fish while blokie chose two huge fat red scaled snapper fish with comical buck teeth. They carry the fish to the back kitchen which is the area sectioned off with chicken wire and the cooking is on a huge open flame fire.

Being Jamaica each primitive hut has an impressive full bar. I'm somewhat concerned as my blokie seems to be the Pope of Hellshire as he's given full reign to help himself behind the bar. A few ice cold Guiness and Ginger Wine bottles later I begin to wonder if it's because he's really bad or really good that they give him such respect?

A short moon faced man wonders over with a dirty bucket and a purple wash cloth. He slams the bucket on the table for my blokie and says "12 or 24? Sweet or hot?"

"Mi waaan two dozen but lemma see di bokkles". At this point the moon faced man pulls out a few plastic water bottles with pierced holes in the top each one seems to be filled with twigs, peppers, garlic, onions and topped with vinegar.

Removing the lid from his plastic bucket he starts fast and furious shelling these tiny barnacled oysters as blokie devours each one after shaking the hot vinegar mix at top.

At this point it's a full on orgy of taste, sound and smells. The rough lyrics from Kingstons new ghetto hero Movado blast the speakers, blokie dances with his Guiness and his tall stick of ganja as two huge army men carrying automatic weapons walk in. My heart sunk as my English reserve told me that this would only mean one thing - a raid with immediate arrest for blokie with the illegal drugs. Welcome to Hellshire! Both of the men start dancing their weapon cocked up in the air as Movado sings "mi an mi dogs ever strap!" knees jerking upwards in dance in their army camos and full metal jackets. They too help themselves to a Guiness and sit down at one of wooden planked tables weapons laid flat next to their steaming mounds of fish. To make things even more like the star wars cantina two young foppish guys come in dressed like the panto version of the Little Rascals and proceed to camp it up and dance foolishly in body contorting bawdy fashions. The small crew watching clap along so they stretch out the show to the point of one of the men walking around the shack crab style as everyone laughed.

Our fish arrived and it was perfect, fresh melt in the mouth morsels, crisp on the outside, moist and flavorful. The festival was so delicious and the Guiness icy cold! I dream of this meal now every day.

"Ice Cold Beers! Cigarettes, Wata and Hygrade!" the salesman returns.

"Welcome to Hellshire" my blokie says "Welcome to Jamrock!"

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