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I am starting this topic in a Forum that Bobby Miller has always spent alot of time in, and because the Jackie 60 and Verbal Abuse families that he holds so dear might well be checking in here.

As those of you who read in our Frequent Posters forum Lucky Bitches know, our dear friend Bobby - poet and FIERCE hairdresser, scene fixture and performer and so much more - took ill around Halloween and has been in and out of the hospital with complications of AIDS. I am moving the discussion here to this more public place because I heard a few hours ago that Bobby has worsened and has been unconscious for two days in the hospital in Cape Cod.

So, I ask you to send whatever beams, prayers, invocations, spells, WHATEVER you can psychically give towards our friend and founding Motherboarder because he is either really fighting for his life right now or has already begun to leave it - its hard to say till he wakes up.

I do not expect news now before morning, but I will post whatever updates we get here. In case they come on and are reading, our thoughts and love go out especially to Basil and John, who are there at the hospital tonight.

Faeries Get Busy!
Original Post

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This topic was moved from our Frequent Posters Forum Lucky Bitches on 12/6. As it had been already in progress, here are the posts from that topic:

My original post:

Always painful to get this topic going again - it means some important member of the boards, and often a dear friend, is going through hell.

This time, it is bobby. I have known about this for over a week, but was waiting for bobby to give the okay for more people to know. The reason he did not return from Provincetown for Halloween as planned, is that he became very ill and is currently in the hospital in Hyannis.

It is PCP pneumonia, and Basil (who just returned from there and gave me the okay to do this) said that he is hanging tough, though he has lost weight.

I am telling y'all here in hopes that your best wishes and prayers, beams, spells and incantations can go out to him. All of his extended family in New York is truly fortunate as he has a circle of really loving people there who are taking incredible care of him, and keep us regularly informed.

He is too ill to be online at the moment, but you may want to email him or leave a message here as I am sure he will come on when able.

[This message was edited by Chi Chi on 12-06-02 at 08:51 PM.]
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I just got this bad news from Basil Sunday night when I ran into him at Star Tartare. During casual conversation, I had asked Basil if he'd heard from Bobby, not knowing or even suspecting that anything was wrong. Basil hesitated before answering, but I'm glad he told me. Those that love Bobby will want to know. I really felt terrible!

Bobby - when you read this, I hope you're feeling better, darling. We miss you. If there's anything I can do, PLEASE let me know.

Lots of love to you,
LEX

[This message was edited by Luxury Lex on 11-27-02 at 01:57 PM.]
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Hello All..First off, let me thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. It is a boon to me to know that I have real family there who cares. After so many years in NYC 30, I have seen so many come and go and I think of them often, I only wish they knew.And now I know how much they suffered. They were the early saints.
I was diagnosed Oct 31 ( the anniversary of my mothers passing) with PCP pneumonia and Crypto Spiro Meningitis. Very nasty bugs, both and within a week I was hospitalized. I have dropped from 178 lbs to 140 and have "that look" that is so startling and scary. But the good news is that this is 2003, for surely if this were 1995 I would not be looking at a future, but now with the current medications there is much hope. It is a slow walk through the fire but I am willing.Plus I am in the greatest of hands here with a loving supportive husband and family.
I ask each of you to open your hearts more tonight before you go to bed and look for the very best part of yourself for you never know when you will be called upon to use it to survive. I will be fine , in time. I miss you all and think of you even if you don't know it. Thank you Chi Chi for your special kndness and understanding.Sweet Helen and Lex and Tonya and Kitty Thank you.And Mr. Joe thank you too, and Rose darling your voice sounded so concerned it made me cry.I love you dear, and all the rest of you that took the time to write or email. I haven't been online in 4 weeks. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Stay in love with life. Best xxxxxxx Bobby

PS>SPECIAL to Mother Sabrina Your words were like food to me darling.Thank you 1000 kisses xxxxxxx cool
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Hi All,
Jamie here with some updated news about my momma, Bobby.
First I would like to give my appreciation and thanks to all who post here with good thoughts and prayers for Bobby, who is very much in need of them at this time.
As of this afternoon, t he breathing apparatus has been partially removed and Bobby is breathing more on his own. He is more conscious today than the previous few days. Friends who are with him told me he is a bit fiesty and aware enough to tell his friends who are near him that he loves them.
As for his condition, the next few days should bring some clear information about what is happening internally for him. I know my momma isn't fond of all those pesky tests, however I haven't heard her complain once - not thru any of this. Sure the usual bitching, but she is resolute about not letting discomfort and fear take over.

When I was at the hospital last month we sat together and talked about everything that is happening. Bobby is suffering but he is holding on to his faith and hope, and I know he is fighting.
He looked me in the eyes and said "I am in Gods hands, and I trust God completely."
So, as he has taught me, I am doing my best to trust and be strong for him. While I was with him I asked if he had a message for everyon e back here in New York, he gave a thoughtful look and said "Be thankful for all you have." So with that in mind, I just want to say how incredibly thankful I am to have a friend like Bobby. He is a man who shows me more love than I could ever hope for and challenges me in more ways than I could ever expect. I love you Bobby, now and forever...
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Thanks for the update Jamie/Ginger. I have every confidence Bobby will pull through this. And we should all be grateful for what we have and strive to live our lives on our own terms, the way Bobby does.

Colleen -- Lately I too have been thinking about Bobby's great 50th birthday party and how close I came to not going that night. SOOOO glad I did. It was an incredible night with great people. Can't wait for the next one.

LEX
basil here
i just got back from hyannis
thank you chi chi for helping send so much love
i know it is helping.
bobby is much better today
he had an MRI and it seemed to rule out some worst case scenarios we were afraid of.
bobby is much more conscious but not totally
there is alot that is still a mystery to the doctors
keep the mojo love coming
i know he will connect to these boards somehow soon
love
love
love
love

basil
have not been going out much without me best mate, been thinking about our lives together over the last 25+ years, and have gone thru every emotion possible since halloween..........

went up to ptown for thanksgiving -- when bobby found this thread, after not having signed in for some time, it made his day, the mojo works........ saw the effect first hand. the motherboards are the best place to communicate with bobby at the moment. he will check in when he can.

our thoughts and loving prayers are like food for bobby and a chance for all of us to feel connected and loved and know that we are family during this holiday season.

am sure we all got bobby miller stories to tell.
I spoke to both Basil and John tonight - who very much sent their thanks and love to everyone here on the Boards and asked me to post this report.

Bobby is now conscious, though he slips in and out of being lucid and is having trouble speaking. He had an MRI which showed that when he had the crisis last week and weekend he seems to have suffered a small stroke. This could account for the confusion, or there could be some other cause.

He is not able to swallow food and is unfortunately on a feeding tube. It is hoped that if his condition improves that he may be released to a non-hospital facility (like a halfway house) by next week. Basil will be returning with his laptop in a few days to read the messages here with Bobby, which he seemed eager to do when they spoke last.

I asked John whether visitors would be welcome at this time and he said it was too soon, that the chances of Bobby being able to enjoy the visit were too slight. He asked that would-be visitors hold off for now, but thanked everyone for wanting to make the trip.

He suggested that people forward cards or notes to Bobby to his PO box in Ptown and he will take them to Bobby - email me if you would like this address.
I continue to pray for you, and send tidal waves of energy to stregnthen you, and to lift you up, and to envelop you in total goodness and light. Your spirit is soooo strong Barbara J, I pray for the healing of your body and to get you up and inspiring the masses like you do best!!!!! So much love to you sister.
SWEETIE
Dear Bobby let me start by saying that I love you very much, I keep thinking about the first night that I met you at parkside. I sang a few songs at chesse wiz and you came up to me after the show and introduced yourself, then Sweetie came up to me and said run, run for your life this man is bad news!!! I had know Idea just how right she was. In the short time that I have know you, you have influneced me on so many levels. I'm not talking about hair and makeup(alought you have saved my life more than once in that department) I am talking about the way that you encouraged me to be myself. You've helped me to find that power that we all have inside of us, that power to be sexy and strong and beautiful.

I love you Bobby Miller and I always will, I am thinking of you 24/7. I know that I will see you soon.

xoxo Lisa
Daddy, you asked a good one.........

yes, have heard from several people, that will not be outed just now, that have had Bobby Miller sightings over the last week. as he has been out of his body lately checking on everyone, while in intensive care.

can tell you that when shopping in Borem Hill last weekend, standing in the snow trying to cross Atlantic Avenue, Bobby came flying down and around, swishing (for lack of a better word) from above laughing and teasing me, saying 'Hey, I can haunt you now, Merlin, for real if I wanted.' Merlin reminded Bobby, that he was not disconnected from his body, so technically was not a disembodied spirit. we both laughed.

then while eating chicken pot pie at a local dinner that song came on, the Dixies Chicks cover of 'LandSlide', the undeclared theme song of this moment. it was then, I felt his struggle and the pain that Bobby has been living with for some time, tho he did not tell us.

quickly, also, while in Ptown for Thanksgiving, John said that Bobby wanted to speak to me. he was still waking up in bed (it was before noon). Sitting up, Bobby had those intense penetrating eyes, only he could get when he was excited. he looked at me and said he had a dream and everyone that had passed to the other side was there. Bobby said Hilda was there and all his friends, Gary, a couple of X's and others. the mystery question we both had of this dream was, why was DD with her hotess canapes and the only other living person there, throwing the party at her place?

humbly submitted in love, the Merlinator
quote:

the mystery question we both had of this dream was, why was DD with her hostess canapes and the only other living person there, throwing the party at her place?


Thanks for posting that Merlinator - fascinating.

Darla's appearance as a symbol in Bobby's dream can mean many things - here's my guess-

Darla's party at her house represents The Motherboards themselves - since Darla was in a sense created, or helped along, here. Since Darla appeared on The Boards in their infancy, brand new to NY, and ended up meeting bobby here...

Bobby's subconscious might see The Boards as a place where his friends still are alive and thriving, with Darla's hostess trays representing the conviviality, but where the dead might be comfortable to.
I think it would be incredible to harness all of the unbelieveable energy people are sending to Bobby. I think Bobby should be on our minds, in our hearts and in our prayers all the time, but I also think it could fierce to send a evening "meal" of pure white light, energy, and love. Let's impliment a 10:00pm "feeding time" where everyone stops what they are doing for a few minutes to send a mass, oversized, extra helping of healing to our friend. It can only help, and THERE IS STREGNTH IN NUMBERS.
yes sweetie
i sense that bobby especially needs this today

and Ted and Di thank you for asking how i'm doing
bobby means alot to me and it is very intense seeing him go through this. Many people are being very supportive so i'm grateful

Jon might not be checking these boards. he is such a wonderful man and Bobby is so lucky to have such a gentle and strong daddy. This has been tough for him. But he has an incredible spirit and many loving people around he and Bobby in ptown

10pm
I hope Bobby felt the amazing field of power directed towards him tonite. THERE IS STREGNTH IN NUMBERS!!!! Please make a committment that no matter how many times Bobby is in your prayers, chants,meditation, spells, incantations, ..... let's all come together at 10pm as a community and with our faith that this universe is run on love and goodnesss and mercy that our friend will be lifted up and made well. Tell your friends and loved ones.
Just as the soft rains fill the streams,
pour into the rivers and join together in the oceans,
so may the power of every moment of your goodness
flow forth to awaken and heal all beings,
Those here now, those gone before, those yet to come.
By the power of every moment of your goodness
May your heart's wishes be soon fulfilled
as completely shining as the bright full moon,
as magically as by a wish-fulfilling gem.

By the power of every moment of your goodness
May all dangers be averted and all disease be gone.
May no obstacle come across your way.
May you enjoy fulfillment and long life.

For all in whose heart dwells respect,
who follow the wisdom and compassion, of the Way,
May your life prosper in the four blessings
of old age, beauty, happiness and strength.
10 pm every night, waves of love to Bobby, I'm on it. Sending lots of love to Basil and John as well, and thanks to Sweetie for coming up w/ this great idea. I even told some friends in IL about Bobby tonight, and they said they would pray for him, too. So as usual, he is making friends (and teaching lessons) everywhere he goes.

Since I found out about this, I feel like I can "see" the people I love in a way I couldn't just a few days ago. I guess something like this kind of wakes you up and makes you realize the good stuff that's in your life all the time. As Bobby said, be grateful for what you have -- that has really stuck in my mind, too.
did not know of our 10pm 'appointment with Bobby' last night, had not been on the Mother Boards all weekend, sure felt it while coming back into the city -- starting around 9:23pm (someone started early last night!). a powerful feeling of being cared for and loved came over the car, actually hugged myself while listening to the radio and checked the time. it works family, thanks sweetie.

spoke to Bobby twice yesterday, once for a very short chat, and the second time to just say hi, knowing he is alive and kicking!n
Hi everyone, Jamie/Ginger logged on to Basil's computer here at the Cape Cod Hospital. Basil and I had such a good day here with Bobby when we arrived yesterday. He's very talkative, just the way we like him. We spent the day looking at some photographs I brought him to decorate his room. These white walls were just screaming for some imagery, so now when he looks over from bed he can see himself marching in the Gay Pride Parade with Chi Chi and John Kelly, be enchanted by the likes of Rose Royalle and Mother Flawless Sabrina - and most importantly see himself on stage at the Slipper Room inspiring the masses.
He then spent about 45 minutes reading the boards and all the new posts in this forum, which really lifted his spirits. The love pouring through these boards to him is so vital and important. Thank God for the Motherboards!!

It's a rainy Monday afternoon and I am sitting in his room waiting for him to arrive, he is now downstairs having some more testing done. I just ask everyone to keep the love coming and keep posting because we will check in online later. I am hoping to have him make a new post today.

[This message was edited by btwist on 12-16-02 at 02:15 PM.]
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Hi everyone, I can't tell you how much your messages mean to me. I'm still at the center of the fire, but everyday seems to be getting better.
Even in my full, experienced life I have never dealt with something this difficult. It amazes me how strong I am, so much stronger than I thought I was. My main wish is that someone will be inspired by my challenge. I am still not out of the woods. I have a long road to go. Be patient, this will take time.
Soon we will be on a dance floor, "I love the nightlife, I love to boogie." Thankyou all for your kind thoughts.
Dear sweet Bobby:

Emily emailed me and told me the news and I immediately wanted to get online and tell you how much I've been thinking about you this week, and that every night at 10 PM I get in a quiet place and sit and think of all the wonderful memories I have of you laughing, telling stories, hosting events, giving sage advice, and cutting my hair! I was cleaning out some boxes this month (moving), and came across your chapbook where you thanked me and it was a sweet reminder of you. I am very grateful that John and Basil are taking such good care of you and I'm thrilled to hear the news that you are feeling better and may be moving out of the hospital soon. I'll be sending you some cheer to your PO box soon, but in the meantime, I hope the waves of love shower over you every night at 10 PM (and all day long!) and that you know how very loved you are and what a special place you have in so many people's hearts.

oceans of love to you,
Nicole Blackman
nicoleblackman@aol.com
He sounds much better. He said this was his best day yet. He still sounds very weak and tired but still has his wits and sense of humor. I told him Messy Bonnie Raitt was trying to get his number for an appointment but he said the bitch should just give it up. He also said there's nuthin' he can do with that hideous grey streak. Poor Bonnie. He's looking forward to leaving the hospital and says he's feeling the love everyone is sending and it really helps.
Upon meeting Captain Lipstick, my life has never been the same.
I recall the times I have been furiously keeping pace with Bobby as we waltzed around Manhattan. He reminded me of a Super Hero in his leather, and big boots.
Today I walked down my steps, and I paused before exiting to stare at my neighbors guitar lying on the sofa. The sunlight was shining on the strings, and I thought of Bobby, and his many talents.
Please join me in surrounding Bobby with the Golden Light, and imagine him dancing around with a big smile, happy, healthy, and in the Captains Chair.
I send much love to you Grandma!
Bobby, not sure if you remember when you, Todd Colby, Janice Erlbaum and I hauled ass up to Providence for a slam, but you made such an impression on my mother and late stepfather that when I left her a message about how you were doing, she called back immediately to say she was sending you some cheer to your PO box. Even my stepfather remembered when you spent so much time at dinner that night talking to an older fella who was alone and how good and included you made him feel. So keep an eye out for something in the mail from her, and me, and a few other elves that have signed up to send you some pixie dust and love from the Big Bad Apple.

Glad you have so many tough cookies in your corner, Bobby. Love to you today, tonight at 10 PM and every night.

xo Nicole B
Just checking in to see whats up with Granny. Love, Love , and more love to you Bobby. Just So you know, Thier are poeple in this town and on the boards that have never even meet you but when they see all the love and energy that every one is sending you, they see how important it is that you get better and they join right in for the 10pm SHOW!! As Sweetie said last week ( you have so much more work to do on this planet)!! Love ya!

Lisa
It's a little after 11pm on Friday night and I had "BOBBY TIME" about an hour ago. I have gotten so much from reading the last dozen or so posts and knowing how much love is being heaped around Bobby. I am sooooo proud to be part of this community. Most of us "show folk" have a tendency to be a little self involved because we rely on ourselves to perpetuate our careers aka our livlihoods. To read and feel the humanity in these posts is such a lesson about who we are when we are under fire. We are sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, we are friends and neighbors. Maybe a little sappy but how refreshing to see being just plain loving human beings. I cant wait to discuss this with Bobby, because I am sure he will take great pride in knowing the preciousness of his spirit and life sparked such an outpouring of honesty and "keeping it real". I pray everyday for healing for you Bobby, and I am certain I will have your fingers fluffing my "gilda" and telling me the "t" very soon. I love you my friend.
I'm not very plugged into virtual reality, but I felt such a need to communicate with Bobby that I had to get with the times and post you a message. Bobby, I love you with all my heart, I'm thinking of you, sending prayers to you and I cannot wait until you get better and we can resume our dance lessons! I cannot tell you how much our many moments on the dancefloor together meant to me! You are the best leader I've ever met when it comes to the hustle...and one of the best leaders I've ever known in life as well. I think of you so much since I found out you were ill, and I'm sending you all the love and positivity I can muster. Get well soon! -Brandon
The very thought of Bobby Miller, at ten o'clock or any other moment of the day, is like...being in a bubbled bathtub, with candles burning on the windowsill and some haunting and brilliant music eminating from another room. So encompassing, penetrating all the senses.

It's like reaching a state of 'alltime', where the trials of the day past melt off of your soul and the hurdles ahead become not so daunting. Bobby's one of those rare people who, once you know them, is always going to be a part of you, a source you can tap into...
Grace, clear as Bobby's own eyes: his greatest gift, his fiercest 'do.
Hey little Bobby!
I just came home from San Francisco to find
out you were sick. What a drag for you and as you can see, for everyone here. We love you lots and lots and hope you feel better soon. Though transitioning to the other side surely is a thrill. When I was over there during the last days of Carl A. I have to say I enjoyed life alot more. They really are all waiting for ye to come on home. I will look for you in my dreams.

Note to posters here: I yam confus-ed...is Bobby in P-PTown?

Bobby was one of my earliest glamour instructors. She used to do my hair and makeup every couple of months. But whenever my over-sensitive scalp would make tears come to my eyes... she would punctuate that day's beauty lesson with a sharp whack on the head with her rat-tail comb -

"BEAUTY IS OUR DUTY!

"Now let me finish your hair in peace."

Terence

http://www.terencesellers.com
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These are such inspirational posts. I'm learning more about just who and what Bobby is to so many people. A teacher, beauty nurse, guru, dancing partner, mother, father and most of all a true friend. My thoughts and love are with him each day and luckily I ge t to speak to him just about everyday. I want to let you all know that Bobby is returning home to Provincetown with John for Christmas. Basil with be there as well and I am going up later this week and will spend New Years with him. He will have easier access to the boards at home so keep the love coming.
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So happy to hear you do not have to spend the holiday in the hospital!!!

I was driving about town night before last and at 11:02 (I suspect 10pm exactly EST) -- I caught an image of the moon (which is so peculiar here this time of the year, haloed in red and yellow and almost full) and thought of you.

Then later (much, much) D. and I snuck out in the buff to Mom's hot tub and although unbelievably cold outide - worth the near frost bite to our nipples - spent the night looking at the stars, and each time I caught a glance of the moon, I continued wishing you well. Shall do so the whole time I'm here (best to make use of this hill, which the native americans thought was magic!)

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!
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Bobby, I wish you the love and peace that you have generated on these boards. Today, New York City was especially generous to me, and I thought of your coming home to shake up this town some more.

Today was especially busy from dawn until dusk. I visited with friends in town for the holidays, some just passing through, did some last-minute shopping with my best friend, exchanged gifts with my boyfriend before he left; and whenever I looked into a loved one's eyes today, they all seemed a little brighter; those were the moments you came to mind. I thank you for those moments - I'm not one to go on and on over Christmas, honey, but you've made this one especially memorable. Feel good.
I think I saw Bobby MIller on the corner of Church Street waving two Golden Bells?
Can this Be?

He said "Ho, Ho, Ho, How's my hair look hon!"

Well Merry Christmas Miller, I mean Captain!
I send love to Jamie, John, Merlin, Basil, and Helin. Stay as beautiful as you all are.
Merrry New Year!
It is quite difficult to respond to all of this outpouring of love and affection. I am so deeply moved I cry through all the posts. If there is one thing that means the most to me in life, it is to instill love in people and it seems that my trbulation has aroused love in so many of you. I am trying to surrender to my seeming fate and stay positive and hopeful at the same time. I think it is going to be a long road back to full health. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers and posts. It is hard, I barely have the strength to sit at the comuter. A few personal messeges:

Tonya/ Thank you so much for the two videos. I really can't wait to meet you darlin'.

Chi Chi/ I can't tell you how much I enjoyed our phone chat last week. ButI always love speaking with you. Kisses to Daddy.

all other posters/ Thank you from depths of my soul.I love each of you.

Shout out to Mother Flawless/ I am your slave. Please don't worry, the docters have all been very positive, it will take awhile.

GOD BLESS US ALL
Very Dear Bobby,

It's indescribably wonderful to finally hear from you vis a vis the Boards. Now I know that you're really on the mend for real. I haven't shared here but as you probably know I've been in touch with your lovely daughter, Ginger who loves you very much, as well as Basil and your buddy Merlin when I see them. Also I'm very grateful to Tonya for sending you the video which gave many of us an opportunity to send you Christmas Greetings. You are loved and we miss you!

I knew this, but never so acutely what an important part of our little corner of the planet you are, and can't wait to see your brimming-with-love, self again. After all it was you who brought Mom to Mother where we were reunited.

I want to hear you reading all of your poems again and again! They've become not only so much a part of me, but a record of our times, the years and decades we shared.

Wishing you, John, Basil and Ginger the happiest and healthiest of New Years.

With love and big hugs,
Roxoxoxose
Hi Bobby,
I hope you are feeling better today and
looking forward to the New Year. I remember when
we thought we wouldn't make it to Year 2000,
but look how easy it was. At least we found
some true love along the way.

I love people here talking about your dancing style because of course when I found out you grew up in Wasn.D.C. in the 1960s, I knew you knew
"how to dance." It is always truly strange not to mention wildly pleasurable, because
how many people can go back and dance the way they first did when they were 14 years old...
We were both white kids in mostly black schools
with weird hipster backgrounds, including the early days of integration and all that meant, wow...

What happened is you became the 'parents' of a whole bunch of oddballs gathered in the City of the Odd. You have your girls and I have mine,
ain't it awful

Lots of Love
Terence
aka
S'TAN
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booby...

hey hon. howzit goin' today?
i've only been in town a lil' while. mommy was quick to tell me about you the first time i saw her and gave me an update this afternoon.

y'know what a hard time i've given you here on these boards? well that's because i knew you were fierce enough and strong enough to take it and dish it back. and through all of this i refuse to believe that you've lost any of that strength and ferocity. i can SO see us here in a few months watching you make the rounds of the crowd and on the dancefloor wondering... "was he really in the hospital last christmas??" (pleez prove my psychic abilities to be true!!)

queen... you have ruled new york for decades. there's no stopping you.
so snap out of it, bitch!!!!! wink

faerie love and light...
goblin

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