The eastern seaboard blackout that happened shortly after 9/11. we were stranded in cherry grove with nothing but grubs, leaves and boy butt to sustain us. It was rough. The Red smudge you can barely see in the sky is the full moon...


Images (1)
This is the piece I read from Dean's blog earlier tonight at Rapture. Goddess, it's so him:

26 Jul 2007

"Dear Mary Jane..."
Current mood: anxious
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

"I didn't work to become a whore. I was born a whore." - Mister Slave, "South Park"

I haven't smoked pot for three days and I'm an emotional wreck. Jesus Christ.

I hear myself saying those words ("Jesus Christ") five or ten times a day with the exact same affectation as "Mister Slave" on South Park. I'm so gay. Fortunately, my acting skills are strong enough for me to make a decent living as a "dominant masculine top": I just lower my voice an octave, say "dude" a lot and keep my fists clenched so my wrists don't start flaying in every direction.

Jesus Christ. It would probably surprise some people to know that, as the son of a theologian, I have studied The Gospels extensively. Shocking but true. My father thought it was cute to invite his seminarian friends over while I would recite the philosophies of Christian theologians like Tillich and Barth at the age of three. I was a toddler/performance artist. Now I'm a hooker/performance artist.

In first grade I was watching Romper Room and Miss Jean was demonstrating how you could make a "Goldilocks" wig out of a paper bag by cutting the paper into strips and curling them. I informed my teacher that I would not be in class the next day but that my cousin would be coming by to pick up my homework. The next day I put on my paper-bag wig and walked into the class. The teacher squealed in glee; she loved it. She showed me off to the class and then took me from one classroom to another; it was like I was on tour. Every time we walked into a classroom the students would burst into wild applause while I modeled my new look. I was a seven-year-old drag queen. Jesus Christ.

In fifth grade I was enrolled in a pilot school with "open classrooms" where students could design their own curriculum. My first project was to reclaim several large sheets of discarded corkboard from the school dumpster with which I constructed a small nightclub about five-feet tall and six-feet square. Then I tied a rope across the door and announced to the other students that the opening party would be VIP only. The rest of the class clamored at my door begging to be one of the chosen few to gain entry. I let a few of my closest friends pass, but had to turn away Lynette Horne because she had experienced a recent growth-spurt and was now well over five-feet tall. Lynette did not take it well and collapsed in tears on the floor of the classroom. Helen Schell, the class lesbian who, apparently, had feelings for Lynette, tried to comfort her and was spurned. Helen had a nervous breakdown and ran away from school.

My club was raided a few minutes later by the staff of guidance counselors who forced us out of the club and into a group-therapy session where I was ordered to raze my cherished boite. So I brought a record player to class and during lunch period I would play "Honey Bun" by The Osmonds and go-go dance on my desk for the other students while they ate. Eventually I formed an all-girl band called the "The Bubble Gums" and I would write the songs; we also covered Gladys Knight and The Pips. I was always Gladys. Between shows I would also write stories about my friends and serialize them. I'd end each chapter with a cliff-hanger so that my friends would beg me to keep writing, and then they'd gather around to hear me read the latest installment and learn their fictional fate.

Of course every guy in the class thought I was a total faggot but at least they found me entertaining. So basically, I was already doing, in fifth grade, almost all the things I do as an adult performance artist. Of course, I wasn't getting paid in the fifth grade. And I don't exactly make a living wage as an artist today either. So I always worry about money. I have an anxiety disorder for which I take several medications but none are as effective as marijuana. Even my therapist says so. So now I'm having anxiety attacks over money because I haven't made any today, even though I have way more than I need. When I was stoned I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life: I wanted to turn tricks, smoke pot, work out and watch cartoons. Now, without the pot, the encroaching awareness that my life is waaay off-course is causing me epic anxiety. In 12-step meetings they always tell you to take it "one day at a time" but that was no source of comfort for me. In my head, I would always hear "one day at a time" followed by the words, "...FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Jesus Christ.

When Hedwig was asked if she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior and she answered, "No, but I've always been a big fan of his work," I howled, because I'd been saying the same thing for years. I love The Gospels but I won't call myself a Christian because I don't want to be mistaken for one of those lunatics who thumps the Bible while living a life in complete opposition to the teachings of Christ. Jesus gave us a blueprint for creating heaven on Earth, and instead millions have been beaten, tortured or murdered in his name. Jesus Christ. And how ironic is it that these right-wing nuts are always using Old Testament scripture to condemn us? It was breaking those same religious laws that got Jesus, if you'll pardon the expression, nailed.

So I don't call myself a Christian, I'm actually a practicing Wiccan, but I do love The Gospels. There's one story that always resonates with me when I'm suffering anxiety. Jesus was inviting some people to follow him on the "Beattitudes Tour" (you know it; "Blessed are the poor for they shall inherit the Kingdom of Heaven yada yada...") and one man said, "But Lord, what would we eat? Where would we sleep? How will we work and live?" Jesus pointed to some flowers ("Behold the lilies of the field...") and said, "They don't work and God gives them everything they need. God takes care of you the same way."

I believe it. Look at my life; I've never had any security, I don't own any property, not even a car, and I'm hard-core unemployable, I've suffered through years of heroin addiction, overdoses and withdrawals, hospitals, rehabs and asylums, career disasters and public humiliations, two decades of being HIV positive, homelessness, spinal surgery, the deaths of so many people I've loved -- and I'm fine. I'm really okay. I've definitely beaten the odds by making it this far, so someone up there must be looking out for me.

I worry because escorting is my primary source of income - I love the work but I'll be too old for this game soon. I'm afraid to stop since I don't know how I'll make a living otherwise, but I should just trust God to guide me to the right place because she always has. So I'm going to release this anxiety and celebrate the fact that I'm still alive and haven't smoked pot in three days and my health is good and I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. As Julia Cameron says, "In the moment we are ALWAYS okay."

And even better is the fact that I'm not sitting in an AA meeting listening to some yuppie shithead telling me that he hit bottom when his Lexus was impounded after a DUI. That just doesn't work on potheads. How do you "hit bottom" on pot? By standing on a street corner wearing a sign that says, "Will work for Weed"? We don't hit bottom, we just coast slightly beneath the surface of reality. Pot is like any smoking habit; when you start having trouble breathing, you'll quit because you have to. And you need to breathe if you want to sing. I just booked an appearance in Tompkins Square Park for the Howl! Festival on September 8th and I'm not big on lip-syncing.

But all of this sudden clarity is overwhelming my anxiety-riddled little brain. It's a lot to deal with and I have to keep reminding myself to remain calm and stop worrying that I'll end up homeless again if I don't keep whoring myself out 24/7. It's time to reclaim my life. Look at how productive I was in the fifth grade: I was so obviously put here to do more than eat, fuck, watch reruns of "South Park" and feel an enormous sense of empathy for Lindsay Lohan. Jesus Christ.

Currently listening :
One Toke Over the Line: The Best of Brewer & Shipley
By Brewer & Shipley
Release date: 07
Dean's sister Beth sent me this today- she found it while she was gathering Dean's stuff from his apartment. It made me cry. We had so much fun the night it was taken. It also made me laugh because I look so tiny next to the gentle giant and I'm 5'10" tall in my stocking feet! I know I must have had on 5 inch heels that night...
Just wanted to share. I also wanted to send all of you my love. I have enjoyed reading all the accounts on here. I hope Dean is looking down from heaven and feeling all of our love. I hope too he realized just how much he was loved whilst he was alive.
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18,562 views in about 20 days.

This whole topic has become very extraordinary.

Even by the Mboards standards.

Now there is a centralized marker of evidence of just how much personal, cultural and social effect one person, any person, can have just through building personal relationships. Dean wasn't a member of a political party, social club, professional organization, religious interest group, or really any other cadre involved in organized human activity. He made his own party and we all came (in more ways than one).

I guess one lesson is, for so many here on these boards who are far outside any kind of mainstream identity, that one does not ever have to accept being condemned to being a kind of social outcast. By making meaningful interpersonal relationships built on the strengths of all one's eccentricities, uniquenesses, rabid appetites and excess good cheer, among other undervalued traits, everyone is lifted from outright exclusion and affirmed.
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and THIS too is why I love motherboards. I think you nailed it and this is well-written too. (And isn't it great that this can be preserved so easily since it is largely just text and jpgs.) There IS such a thing as a community--maybe not as some used to think of it--but still this "centralized marker of evidence" proves it. And I guess this relates to why as a straight boy I loved the Pyramid; sure I'm not marginalized by society (in fact I've been rather privileged) but I've always just FELT outcast, like I was on a foreign planet, populated by my family and schoolmates, that was not my home planet. The Pyramid was a sanctuary for many such runaways. And it was there of course that I got to know Dean.
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Dear Beth and Rev. Johnson,

I just heard about Dean today. I was truly saddened by the news. Please let me know if there is ever another memorial service--if yes, I'd like to attend. Also, fyi, I think I have a cassette tape of Dean and the Weenies from around the time when I helped to book them at Boston City Hall at Gay Pride for a Gay Community News benefit many, many years ago. I can find it, make you a copy and send it to you--just let me know the best mailing address.

Thinking of you both.

Regina Gillis
Brooklyn, NY (formerly of Acton, MA)
Hi Regina - i remember you booking us for that gig - i was Dean's drummer at the time.

i found a few tapes from Weenies' gigs and a video from what may be the very first rock and roll fag bar.

I would also be very interested in any Weenies' live tapes you may have and would be happy to share. Anyone interested please post - i want to get it all digitized and posted up as a tribute to the most talented person i ever had the pleasure of being connected with.


Frank Owen here. I am currently writing a story for Radar magazine about Dean Johnson. I'd love to hear from anybody with great stories that illustrate Dean's life and times -- from Rock and Roll Fag Bar at the World onwards. If you have amazing tales about Dean and want to see them in print, e-mail me at or call me at 212 563 7637.


Has any more official information come out about cause of death? Was it an accident? Dean was in a dream mine the other night - we were trying on dresses.
hey... leave this board up for a while... got time set aside at thanksgiving to read and look at all the photos and check out the links. had to put grieving on hold, life wouldn't let up for me over the past month... Thanks and love
hey... leave this board up for a while... got time set aside at thanksgiving to read and look at all the photos and check out the links.

Oh, dont worry about that..This topic will NEVER be deleted, though I am toying with the idea of moving all of the memorial topics to their own forum eventually.
Dean was in my dream last night. He was on the corner of 10th and 2nd (or was it 1st?). I think Clark Render was with him. They were carrying these super tall plants. I was so fascinated with the incredibly tall plants, the next thing I knew I was being picked up by Dean and he started to spin me around. I was so high off the ground. I was thinking, " I didn't realize Dean was that tall". He kept wildly spinning me around and we ended up in the middle of the street. I was laughing and screaming , saying , "Dean, we are in the middle of the street!!" Dean of course did not care and kept spinning me around in the middle of traffic"
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Sorry its so short but this is DEAN's unforgettable coda to the cover of Petulia Clark's 'Downtown' that I've posted to remember his fantastic artistry..Enjoy.. Danny

Last edited by Chi Chi
i haven't been to the boards in awhile. When someone exit's the stage for the last time ...words can only provide a glimps into a life so complex as was "deans" ! i need not go into "stories" or endless comments of praise here & now. My own personal respect for HIM will far outshine anything i can say here off the top of my head. let me take some time to remember. i wasn't your close friend but i was a friend. see you on the other side when my time comes. love you brother ! Dana
i'm so heartbroken about this. crushed doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of loss, devastation. and i didn't even know any of this till a few days ago. i've been so busy with my own personal crap (elderly dying family members and my own health issues) i haven't even been reading the newspapers many days. and i've been out of the downtown/club kid/party scene for some years, so i'm no longer close to anyone who would have told me this terrible news.

i've known and loved dean since he helped me move into my first dorm room at weinstein hall at nyu in the fall of 1980. and we hit it off right away. if you've ever read his old diaries (at the velvet mafia site) i'm not the girl whose mother played vera on alice. i am, was, her roommate. the other crazy beverly hills punk girl.

i had lost touch with him for a long time, maybe almost 10 years. but i found him on myspace, about this time last year and emailed him. and he wrote me back and could not have been more sweet or welcoming. we bonded over our memories, and the death of our mothers to the same horrible disease, our mututal love of asian boys, and many other things as well. i know he was very busy, but he was so kind and generous that he never didn't have time to write me back. and we corresponded a great deal over the past year. and i went, with my uptight corporate husband, to a few of the 'reading for filth' performances over the summer. i even brought him some star shaped pasties as a gift, in lieu of flowers. i thought he could wear them to a party. but, instead he used them to decorate his macbook. that made me so happy.

ironically, in the early summer months i was having a lot of medical tests. it was nothing life threatening. but he became so concerned he called me in a panic. i know that he was hurt, felt terrible guilt, that he had missed the opportunity to say goodbye to our other dear college friend james lyons before his death in april. and he didn't want that to happen again with me. i assured him i was going to be fine, and he seemed very relieved. i suppose now it was i who should have been more worried about him.

i was so thrilled and delighted to have him back in my life. i suppose i should be grateful that i got this year, at least. truly, it was a great gift. but this stings me to my core, and i will miss him terribly. and i am also very sad that i missed his memorial, and would very much like to attend if there is ever another. i loved him very dearly. and my heart goes out to his sister in particular. i don't think we ever met, but he spoke so highly of her. and i can't imagine the grief of losing such a wonderful mother and such a wonderful brother in such a short time.

RIP hun. i loved you very much, and will never forget you. i think i will have to go steal some dangly chandelier earrings in your honor. <333

the full Downtown clip has been posted Besides DEAN JOHNSON many downtown artists worked on this song Downtown by Petula Clark Many artists performed incl: Kym Rider, Tish & Snooky, Jerry Harrison, Sara Lee, Mink DeVille, Uptown Horns, Bernie Worell, Larry Rivers and Beth B and the clips' Director Hart Perry gave footage and you'll spot others.

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In response to aka Dom:
Great idea! Any sooner would see me sobbing at what should be a grand celebration for a man that forever changed my life. Hell, I can't even watch videos or read his online missives yet. And I miss him so damn much that I doubt I could even set foot in the East Village until then. Thanks for staying on top of all of this, akaDom, on behalf of all of us that are hurting far away. B.
Some of the others in the Downtown recording were: Rupaul, Lisa Edelstein, Stephen Saban, Bobby Miller, Lahoma Van Zandt and too many for my aged mind to remember.
Well apparently the tox reports for both Jeremy/Jordan and Dean are back:

The verdict is 'acute intoxication' but there is no ruling as to the manner of death (ie accident, murder or suicide)

Jordan's report indicates Oxycontin and Alcohol.

Dean's report indicates 5 pharmaceuticals: Elevil (antidepressant), Klonopin (antianxiety), Oxycontin (pain), Rozerem (sleeping pill) and Ultram (pain).

My instinct tells me this was an accident, but if Saleh provided Dean both the Oxycontin and the Rozerem (especially just a couple of days after Jordan's death), it suggests some very f*cked up judgement of his part- at the very least.
Last edited by aka Dominick
To follow up on my prior post. Check out what this DC- based person had to say on Queerty, early on in the story, well before any of these details emerged:

No. 3 dc_vote_now says:
I'm guessing they will find these guys died from overdoses of oxycontin, perhaps combined with other painkillers or anti-depressants. Steven Saleh has talked about having fibromyalgia, whatever that is, as the source of his pain. However, he has been overheard to say he takes huge amount of morphine (or oxycontin). And to offer it to other people. He has hundreds of pills at any given time in his apartment. I'm wondering what the search warrent found.
Posted: Oct 12, 2007 at 4:48 pm

Link to original Queerty post:

Based on the tox report, sound's like this guy knows what he's talking about...
So I've talked to a couple of people about having a memorial for Dean on his birthday.....
Anyone with thoughts or ideas can contact me through here.
Just wanted to make it clear it was oxycodone not oxycotin that was found in Jeremy and at the very LEAST Steve needs to be charged with providing medication to others. This whole investigation is a joke! Steve admited giving Dean a sleeping pill and also advertised to both Jeremy and Dean that he had a mini pharmacy in his house. Jeremy told me those exact words in NY that steve talked about having a mini pharmacy. I wanna know how many people it is gonna take to die at this guys house before something is done.
John, OxyContin is a trade name for the drug oxycodone. Oxycodone is also an ingredient in Percocet, along with Acetaminophen (aka Tylenol). Percocet usually contains 2.5-5 milligrams in each pill; OxyContin, 10, 20 or even 80 mg. So it's a bit of a leap to say the oxycodone in their system came from OxyContin pills, but then again the ME did not report any Acetaminophen (maybe they just don't). If they can assess the quantity of the drug ingested in each case, we may be able to surmise. But the fact that both Jeremy and Dean were found with quantities of oxycodone does beg the question. Dean may well have taken Percocet, he had a scrip- did Jeremy?
Beth- I for one would love to see the rock n roll fag bar memorial have Miss Viva giving us a pagan invocation. I'd love to see Joey Arias and other artists who knew and loved Dean perform his songs live with the band- and make them their own. Some live readings, DJ Tennessee and more. And it will need an emcee who can hold it all together.
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Here are my two cents worth: Memorial on Deans bday is right on; I remember Dean being awed by the artistry of Clark Render, Tabboo, and anyone who ever impersonated Stevie Nicks with him of one of his annual 29th birthdays. And of course, all band members from the weenies and the mafia. Others I haven't seen mentioned include Pee Wee (Perry) Masco of ICU - and I hope someone is in touch with former R&RFB gogo boys Gil Bellaran and Chris Johnson. I hope some of you know how to get in touch with these long time (and maybe long lost) friends of his; I can probably find Chris Johnson, but the others are on your turf.
As for the oxycodone issue, acetaminophen is, in this case, the "key". Oxycontin is not a fun painkiller, due to it's slow release into the system (no rush) whereas percodan/-cet are damn recreational cuz they hit you full strength within 20 minutes. I can't imagine Dean willingly taking both since we had the oxycontin vs. percocet conversation a while back, and he had a scrip for the 'fun' version. Of course, I could be totally wrong, too, but that's my hunch. Love to all from the great white north.
NO Jeremy did not have a prescription, I will know the levels of how much was taken real soon I was on the phone with his family today and just waiting for the info to be faxed to me.
I just wanted to say that neither I, nor Dean's father were given the results of the tox report before it was released to the press and that really really pissed me off.
To Jeremy's boyfriend.....I'm sorry for your loss also. I understand your need to understand how this happened.
As for the celebration of dean's life in NYC....Dale and Brendan, it is clear that we are all on the same to speak...
Viva and Dee suggested Don Hill's for a space....any other thoughts on that?
I would love Gil there also if anyone knows where he is....
I just received and saw the Rapture tribute to Dean finally a few days ago....Thanks Jim....and I just wanted to say how great it was to see it. I had just gotten back from DC and couldn't handle any more at that time, but now I'm sorry I wasn't there. know my dad is a preacher and the whole time you spoke at the tribute i kept thinking how much you were reminding me of my dad preaching..and then you said AMEN at the end of it. :-) Too funny. :-)I liked it. I also enjoyed seeing Ms. Ravioli again. I had the biggest crush on her when I lived there. :-)
I really loved the sharing of "Dean stories" at the rapture memorial. I would love to hear more at this larger memorial. Somehow, laughing at dean's antics or witty sayings made it feel like he was still in the room. And I would love to see the Duelling Bankheads perform either Fuck You or Coco Chanel. Big Grin
Damn Beth- After all that- I thought that they wouldn't release that report to anyone but family...I have a call in to Lou Chibarro at the the Washington Post is also going to run a follow-up.

I def want to see the tribute, as I was in a trance that night!

Dean still stops in on me once in a while and makes me laugh.

I'm glad you liked it! I'm going to re-post the text here- I had it up for a while, but had to pull it down for various reasons...
Beth if you mean Gil the NJ Trooper, I may have a lead and will try to track him down.

Also if you need production assistance, stage managing etc. for the fag bar memorial please email me privately.
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The Real Big Johnson

After my last appearance at Reading for Filth, Dean told me I needed to modulate, and to play to the back of the room. In tribute to Dean I am going to do just that, because you know Dean ALWAYS modulated and ALWAYS played to the back of the room! (Or the back room, as the case may be).

I got to the East Village in nineteen eighty-two to attend the Cooper Union; I was a CLUELESS kid from Long Island. By the time I found my way to places like the World, Pyramid, Save the Robots and Boybar, Dean was a New York landmark, like a tall tower or a tourist attraction. Dean made these places an indelible part of New York culture.

I didn't meet Dean until much later- one night in back-room at the Cock.(I don't remember the date, I'm sure someone here does, half of you were in there that night!) After our ONE back-room encounter, Dean decided that would make we would make much better friends than lovers, SO from that day forward, we were FRIENDS. (I didn't really have much say in the matter).

I got sober in '98 and Dean was struggling to get sober, so I tried to be a support to him in that. For Dean, AA was the one club he couldn't get into. (You fuckers are applauding for that?) We were friends through it all. We bonded out in Cherry Grove, Fire Island. We shared a love for naked bodysurfing in the rough sea. To watch Dean catch a wave and stiffen his long body into the surfboard position and ROCKET into the sand, head first, was truly sublime.

When the N.Y.P.D. chased Dean out of nightlife, Dean embarked on a career as an escort. 'Big Red' experienced an IMMEDIATE surge of popularity. He was the new cock on the block. He was raking in the cash and used it to support his music and his art. Dean said that hooking was just like club promoting, only YOU'RE the party. I countered it was just like club promoting, only it's for one person at a time.

His roster of clients included: submissives, size queens, devoted cocksuckers, foot fetishists, advanced fisting bottoms, tight-assed 'sons' looking to be violated by 'dad', Black guys with a taste for White meat (Dean was always happily surprised by the attention he got from Black men), Asian guys looking for some 'White on rice' (Dean LOVED Asian guys; his diary recounts his affair with actor __ ____ and the protracted Viet Cong prisoner of war camp scenes they played out in Dean's cell-like Cobble Hill studio), str8 hotties who "just wanna see it", married men who "NEVER DO THIS"...and the list goes on.

Dean happily treaded into taboo territory- (and I DON'T mean Tabboo!'s territory!) I mean rape, incest, adultery and race- with guys who were obviously working through some conflicted feelings. Like all good hookers, Dean was part psychotherapist, his methods distinctly on the drama therapy-reenactment tip; but it was sometimes hard to tell WHO was the one on the couch.

Sometimes Dean would get to the door and the johns would see him and say "Oh my god, you're Dean Johnson!" and slam the door; sometimes they would open the door and say "Oh my god, you're Dean Johnson!" and turn out to be huge fans, and open their hearts, their wallets AND their legs for the Big Johnson.

Dean's larger-than-life physical attributes- his utter whiteness, his gargantuan cock, his size fourteen feet, his bald head- inspired awe, admiration, worship and obsession. Dean's other larger-than-life attributes- his LUNATIC imagination, his BARBED WIRE wit, and his acting skills- made for the most lurid and vivid fantasy scenarios.

We planned some scenes together; Dean executive produced these fantasies in exquisite detail:

-For one Black john with antebellum fantasies, Dean played a stern plantation slaveholder and I was his 'cousin' from a neighboring plantation. I'd come for a visit and we'd head back behind the barn by to see out how 'Masser Dean' doles out punishment and rewards to his prize slave.

-Dean, Dick and I were three college buddies who were to pass around another john like a drunken sophomore slut. Listening to Dean rattle on in his deepest voice about seducing his ˜bros' at frat parties and locker room towel-snapping antics, I nearly cracked up mid-fuck.

- Wearing sunglasses and ball caps, Dean and I were thieves breaking in to the john's hotel room to rob him, only to discover him hiding in the bathroom; where we got to brutalize him with 'no limits' (until the guy chickened out- poor guy, he had NO idea what he was doing telling Dean Johnson 'no limits"!).

Another of Dean's larger-than-life features is a spiritual attribute: Dean's ability to see humor in these and all other situations. Anyone who could continue to laugh after being on the shit end of AIDS, heroin and MAYOR Guiliani is truly a spiritual being. (OK, THAT you can applaud for.) Dean's laughter was mountainous and epic and holy- and if you ever witnessed one of his orgasms, you know that they, too, were earth-shaking, positively seismic, accompanied by the thunderous growl of a diesel engine you could hear for blocks.

Dean never paid much attention to rule number one of escorting: don't get emotionally involved with the john- It's a business transaction! Dean got so entangled with just about all of his clients. He fell in love with one cocksucker and scared the poor guy off with his ardor. He got embroiled in a messy, adulterous, demented, co-dependent, romantic-obsessive love triangle with a Syracuse dentist and his wife. He would spontaneously decide that he was no longer going to charge this or that john, but now they were BOYFRIENDS. But just like he did with me, he made these unilateral decisions. So imagine a john's surprise to find he has a new six-and-a-half-foot tall boyfriend!

Sure, Dean looked for love in all the wrong places- but really now, what is the wrong place for such a divine mission? Stranger things have happened on this planet.

Dean was once the spokesmodel for Rentboy and was very proud of tag line HE WROTE FOR THEM: "Money can't buy you love, but the rest is negotiable." Dean's love for his friends and his family was non-negotiable, and THIS is his single biggest attribute- his outsize heart. That was the real "BIG JOHNSON"!

The Real Big Johnson rises, gravity-defying, baby's-arm-thick and fully loaded, in all of us who knew him, in anyone who caught his legendary performances and spectacles, in his music, and in his authentic gay glam punk holiness. Amen.
hey hatches - gil the nj trooper is indeed the one we're looking for... i hope you can find that sublime nutcase, i for one would love to see him. Good luck and thanks!!
I should clarify. They didn't release the tox. report to the press...they announced it was finished, and gave the cause of death verbally. But a week later, I had still not been notified by them. But yesterday I called MS. Williams, and she is sending me the report. First Dean goes un-ID-ed for....8 days I think....then once I'm made aware that he is missing and I call DC, I'm given the run around for 12 hours before someone called me to tell me that Dean's autopsy was done. Not that he was dead, he was just still missing at this point. Being the genius that I am, I was able to surmise from the fact that his autopsy was done, that he was dead. Now the tox report is done and released to the press for 4 days before I even hear about it and at a week, they still hadn't contacted me...I contacted them.
I've been trying to keep my mouth shut....but I gotta say that the District of Columbia is not my favorite place....

Hattie...Gil is indeed the NJ trooper. I'm going to send you a private message now with my # in case you locate him.
Holy crap, Beth. I had no idea of the runaround you've been dealing with. As far as I'm concerned, DC is Detroit with monuments - so I can't say i'm surprised, but I'm pissed it happened to you. if you talk to Gil, send him my love and email address. I'd love to hear from him. akaDom says the Washington Post is likely to follow up on this shitstorm of incompetence. Time to get a petition going to send to the DC police department? Seems to me they've a lot to answer for and an inquiry into the (gross negligence of) the investigation and its aftermath. Especially since it's a federal crime to supply (eg. allow access to) prescription drugs of any form to anyone other than the prescription holder. Dean and Jeremy and the rest of us deserve better than the buffoonery of bureaucrats. All love, B
This in The washington Post:

Case Closed in 2 Deaths Within Days in Apartment
By Paul Duggan
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, December 6, 2007; Page B01

Authorities have found no evidence of criminal wrongdoing in the bizarre case of two men who died four days apart in a Northwest Washington apartment in September, D.C. police said yesterday.

The men, who were not acquainted, had traveled from New York to visit the apartment's occupant, and both died of "acute intoxication" from prescription drugs shortly after they arrived, according to autopsies.
One of them, Jordan "Jeremy" Conklin, 26, who was hoping to find work in a D.C. restaurant or bar, arrived Sept. 14. The apartment's tenant, Steven Saleh, 47, had responded to a Craigslist ad that Conklin posted seeking temporary housing, one of Conklin's friends said. Two days later, answering a 911 call from Saleh, police found Conklin dead on Saleh's living room floor.

The other man, Dean Johnson, 46, was a celebrity drag queen in downtown Manhattan's gay club scene -- a flamboyant rock singer, coffeehouse poet and paid escort. Johnson, who had escort clients in the District, arrived at the apartment Sept. 19 to comfort Saleh over Conklin's death, several of Johnson's friends said. The next day, again answering a call from Saleh, police found Johnson dead on the living room floor.

Police said that the bodies -- in a second-floor apartment at the historic Envoy building, at 2400 16th St. NW -- showed no obvious signs of trauma and that the odd circumstances raised suspicions. But they said yesterday that Saleh, a former Commerce Department employee disabled by an illness that causes chronic pain and fatigue, is no longer the focus of an investigation.

"Because there is no indication right now of a homicide, the case is closed," said D.C. police spokeswoman Traci Hughes. "However, if any additional information comes to light, we'll reopen it and continue the investigation."

The D.C. medical examiner's office said that recently completed toxicology tests found that Conklin consumed a lethal combination of alcohol and oxycodone, a highly potent pain medication sold under the name OxyContin.

As for Johnson, the office said, the tests showed that his fatal intoxication was caused by a combination of oxycodone and four other prescription drugs: clonazepam, an anti-anxiety medication with the brand name Klonopin; amitriptyline, an antidepressant sold as Elavil; ramelteon, a sleep aid marketed as Rozerem; and tramadol, a painkiller sold as Ultram.
Sharlene Williams, the office's general counsel, declined to disclose the amount of drugs found in the men's bodies, saying the office does not consider those details to be public information.

The office has listed the cause of death as acute intoxication in each case, but the manner of death -- homicide, suicide, accident or natural causes -- remains officially undetermined, Williams said.

According to a police affidavit filed in D.C. Superior Court, Saleh told detectives in September that he gave Johnson a Rozerem pill. And the Web site of WTTG-TV (Channel 5) quoted Saleh as saying in an interview that he kept OxyContin in his apartment hidden from visitors. In a brief interview yesterday, Saleh's attorney, Paul Kiyonaga, would not discuss his client's medications.

"Mr. Saleh has been informed that the autopsies on Mr. Conklin and Mr. Johnson have been completed and there has been no finding of wrongdoing in connection with their deaths," Kiyonaga said in a statement. "Mr. Saleh hopes that these autopsy results will afford closure to their families and to all those who are grieving the tragic loss of these men."

Conklin, a business graduate of Arizona State University, worked as a nightclub bouncer last summer in Provincetown, Mass., a resort community on Cape Cod. John Allen, who became romantically involved with Conklin in Provincetown and shared an apartment with him there, said in an interview that he never saw his friend use drugs.

Johnson, however, was open about his emotional instability and off-and-on battles with substance abuse, acquaintances said. One friend in Manhattan, Dale Corvino, said that most of the drugs in Johnson's body probably were medications that had been prescribed for him.

"Elavil is an antidepressant, and I'm pretty sure he was taking an antidepressant," Corvino said. "Klonopin is an anti-anxiety pill, and I think Dean probably would have taken something like that for the trip down there." Johnson, who came here by train, "really had a lot of anxiety about traveling alone. And he had a shoulder injury, which was really very painful, and I know he was taking something for it, which could have been the Ultram."
I'm with you on that, musicboy. It doesn't even match the tox results previously reported - unless Ultram contains oxycodone. And obviously, the amounts in their system would clear up any confusion on that matter. And for God's sake, I wish they would stop using the word "suicide" in these milquetoast articles and coroners' reports. Who the hell would go to DC to off themselves? And Dean might have been a lot of things, but actively suicidal isn't one of them; I would bet the same could be said for Jeremy. As best I can tell, Dean was loving his life - as he damn well deserved to - foibles and all. Whatever happened to the grand American tradition of the "wrongful death lawsuit" in civilian court? If it's good enough for OJ, then this Saleh dude definitely qualifies. Pissed at the Post, B-
Two men given a fatal overdose within a few days of each other by the same man in the same apartment by someone who openly brags about his private little pharmacy and the authorities are trying to spin this as a SUICIDE????? WTF????

And the way they have disclosed the results of toxicology reports to the press before any word to the families of the deceased?

Saleh sure as fuck knew exactly who Dean Johnson was, knew his name and enough info to send him tickets, etc, yet allowed him to lay in the morgue for how many days without identifying him to the police or the hospital, or calling anyone to get help... or even telling the truth to those who called Saleh looking for Dean??? Innocent of any wrongdoing? YEAH. RIGHT!!

This is totally, totally bullshit. Wonder who Saleh paid off to come to this conclusion for him.
Found this posted on a Yahoo group:
(only posting a little bit... please follow the link)

original article (previously posted here)
Probe continues in deaths of two gay D.C. visitors
N.Y. men reportedly had worked as escorts; witness says both took pills
Oct 10, 12:47 PM

(a reply from a congressman)
Jim Graham wrote:
Dear Friends:

I wanted you to know that this morning I spoke with Commander Anzallo, who heads up detectives for MPD, concerning a report of two deaths at the Envoy at 2400 16th NW.

One two separate dates--September 16 and September 20--but just four days apart the tenant called 911 to report an unconscious man in his apartment.

In both cases, the individual was unconscious but dead on scene, there were no visible signs if trauma or foul play and each person had been invited into the apartment by the tenant.

Police executed a search warrant, and are treating this as highly suspicious. They are awaiting further medical reports.

The first death involved someone who was 26 years old, and the second someone who was 45 years old.

That is all there is to say at present.

Bests, Councilmember Jim Graham

I typically answer emails before 9 AM on weekdays. If you email me after that, it is likely that you will hear from me the next weekday. If there is a need to communicate prior to that, you may wish to call me.

Jim Graham, Councilmember, Ward One, 1350 Pa. Ave., NW, #105, Washington, DC 20004. 202-724-8181; 202-724-8109 (fax).

Chairman, Committee on Public Works and the Environment (including alcohol regulation). Main Committee Number: 202-724-8195. 1350 Pa. Ave., NW, #116, Washington, DC 20004.

Voting member, Board of Directors, WMATA/Metro.

Has anyone considered contacting their congressperson, especially our openly gay representatives...Tom Duane, Barney Frank, Christine Quinn, etc... or maybe even an organization like the LGBT anti-violence project could assist in some capacity.
I'm totally down with Pandora on why, knowing full well who Dean was, Saleh would allow him to lay in the morgue for days as someone unidentified. There is so much stench of foulplay only a moron would not be suspicious.
they knew who dean was. they claim that because dean was traveling alone from out-of-state that they didn't know who to contact about his death...which of course is crazy since his friends were calling and asking about dean johnson being missing. i'm sure they are only allowed to notify the next of kin....but they could have asked the people calling who the next of kin was... it does seem a bit crazy.
I spoke to Sgt. Brett Parson, who is the Commander of the DC Metro Police Special Liaison Unit (which includes the Gay & Lesbian Liaison Unit). I conveyed everyone's concern and astonishment about Dean sitting in the morgue for so long, and the ME's releasing details to the press. One thing he did say is that say believed that he thought the respondents did not give much credulity to Saleh's statements at the time. He said he'd be happy to look into the circumstances further.
Last edited by aka Dominick
The info that the ME's office released was public information. My beef with them was that a week later, I still hadn't been notified. Sharlene Williams said to me that in high profile cases, that the public's need to know was equal to the family's right to privacy. I told her I wasn't having privacy issues, I was having need to know in they apparently didn't feel that I needed to know!
I still haven't received it....but I'm hopeful that it is at least in the mail. We'll see......
To all friends of Dean, Beth, and others who continue to keep us posted on this topic, we are thinking of all of you, and our friend, as the days go by.
Empress, there has been some early discussion of a memorial tribute for Dean on May 30th, his birthday- possibly at Don Hill's. Some prior posts here include suggestions. Can we start a new topic here on the Motherboards, so that all of the good and talented people who want to be a part of the tribute can join in? xoxo
Last edited by aka Dominick
Clown Prince?

There's an article about Dean in the new Radar Magazine. I can't link to the article online ( but the print copy is on the stands. Beth, do you want me to grab you one?

Private Lives
The Last Days of Big Red
Dean Johnson survived HIV, heroin, and two decades as the clown prince of New York's downtown demimonde. Then one day he turned up dead in D.C.

By Frank Owen
Can't wait to read the article - old issues still on some stands, heard there's a big pile at Gem Spa.

Just letting musicboy212003 and other "Jeremy people" know that I have moved memorial posts and pictures of Jeremy to his own topic here in The Endless Night. I have left topics that discuss both deaths here, to preserve the discussion of the investigation, etc.

Though these two deaths were connected, they are two separate people and I think deserve to be discussed this way.

Jeremy's Topic
Last edited by Chi Chi
LOVED the Radar article and pics - you go, Frank!

The "sidebar" was a bit puzzling, but I know those are for the clueless or those who can read more than ten words in a row, so no worries...
Thanks Chi Chi. I'm glad you guys liked the article. I know the sidebar is kind of odd. I didn't write it. That was Radar's decision. The one thing that still puzzles me about this whole saga is how Dean's body remained unidentified for so long. Did Steven Saleh not tell the police who the dead body in his apartment was? And if not, why not? Or did he tell the police, and they simply neglected to inform Dean's nearest and dearest. Saleh's not talking, of course.

Thanks to everybody on the board who helped with the story?

Frank Owen
the police knew who dean was....they claim that the fact that he was visiting alone from out of town caused the delay in notification. i think it is clear that his death was being treated as just another dead hooker until his fame and vast army of loved ones became apparent.
...and frank...i thought the article was well written....although i didn't know why you had to use that line about my mom " running off with the baritone from her husband's choir" ....since my mom had nothing to do with what happened with dean. i understand that it reads funny and you were quoting dean's journal....but i found it hurtful and unneccessary. she' sdead and i wish the press would leave her out of this.
beth johnson
Sorry Beth. I didn't mean to cause you any distress. I thought that because Dean had written about it on his blog, it was OK. I guess not.

My apologies,

Frank Owen
thanks for acknowledging that frank. i understand why you would use it. if she wasn't my dead mother, i'd think it was funny too. it's just been difficult to deal with two such huges losses, while also dealing with dc, the police, the press, planning his forth. i'm just very protective of the people i love.

Thanks for accepting my apology. And thanks for all your help on the story. I know it must have been difficult.

Frank Owen
Good article Frank!
Dean would have LOVED it I think.

The side bar was sort of stupid but I know that wasn't you. It's a miracle that your piece was left alone.

I remember one time years ago the New York Times did an article about Jackie 60. They interviewed us for hours. I explained that the "party" was every Tuesday night and each week we did a different theme. The reporter asked what the next theme would be and I told him that it was a take off on the (then new) Andy Warhol Diaries. It was called "Jackie's Diaries".
When the article came out, all it said (after hours of bla bla bla) was, "Jackie 60 is a nightclub based on Andy Warhol".
They had a huge side bar (bigger than the article) explaining who Andy Warhol was. Concentrating mostly on his "15 minutes of fame" quote of course.
When I asked about the stupid side bar they said that it was necessary to explain to the New York Times reader who Andy Warhol was.
After that experience I've learned that any article that "gets it right" is a miracle.
It's interesting to note that in all the years of Jackie 60 press, the best, most intelligent, insightful writing was hands down in the "Sex Rags". Screw Magazine, Playboy, Penthouse, Skin Two...
They were always hands down the most intelligent.

I should also say that Frank Owen always "got it right" as well. I guess it was all those late night hours at Jackie chasing the go go girls around.
Doing "interviews".
At least I think they were "girls". Wink
So true about the sex mags. I've been writing a lot for Playboy in the last few years and it's amazing how much freedom they give you to just write. They printed a 10,000 word piece about the murder of my brother-in-law in Detroit that no other mainstream magazine would have touched with a barge pole. The more "respectable" the magazine or newspaper, the less likely it is that you will be allowed to develop your own voice.
Could someone please save a copy or photocopy of Frank Owen's article for me? I'll be speaking (very briefly) at the Celebration of Dean's 18th Annual 29th Birthday, in NYC on May 30th. But I'm up in Montreal and can't get the magazine it appeared in. Thanks! love, Brendan
Anybody notice the similarities between Dean's death and Heath Ledger's death. Both were taking anti-anxiety medications. Both were on anti-depressants. And both used sleep aides. Just because these drugs are prescribed by doctors, doesn't mean they're safe, especially in combination.
i've never felt doctors to be at all safe...

and besides meds are a cop out... one should learn to take notes instead of just zoning out and extinguishing their fires

i gave up communicating with a once good friend of mine due to prescriptions... she lost all her enthusiasm... her anger... her bite... just became a boring lump instead of that vital wild force that was so brilliant about her

people need to corral those flames... not douse them out

fuck drugs
Jeepers! My flames almost killed me (several times) until I found the right drugs to corral them. I might be less manic, but at 40, that's fine by me. At least I'm alive and happier than I was at anytime during my younger years. Like Dean said, they were colorful times, but deeply and wrenchingly unhappy.
fuck the church of scientology.
It looks like Heath Ledger died of the same combo as Dean... painkillers, anti-anxiety and sleeping pills.
and the imperious pharmaceutical ghouls continue their reign... squelching those of splendid fire (yet weak of will)

Yup. Poor Heath. But I don't believe that any doctor would have prescribed that combo to one single person - it's overkill. Some people tend to get dyslexic with painkillers and anxiolytics (I was long one of them): "1 every 6 hours as needed" does not mean "6 every hour if the shit hits the fan". And if you have 2 or 3 doctors that don't know about each other... well, you'd likely end up with an overlap of different versions of each med, much like Ledger's combo indicates. Self-supervised medication with such things is not much better than being a street junkie (I was one of those too). It just feels like it won't kill you cuz a Dr. or Drs. prescribed 'em.
Call for Proposals for the Dean Johnson Documentary...

Project comes with existing footage (Velvet Mafia shows and interviews
with Dean), pre-recorded music, lots of still images and memorabilia
and a host of possible downtown legends to be interviewed.

The backdrop is downtown Manhattan 1981-2008... the Pyramid, Wigstock,
Jackie 60, CBGB's and the backrooms of every sleezy gay bar below 43th
st. Dean was one of the seminal artists of this time and place.

We're planning a big spring tribute to Dean, and we want to document
the party as well.

Project would work in tandem with Dean's estate (his sister).
Independent filmakers and film students A+.

We can be contacted via private posting at this site. Thanks.
Dear Beth, You're welcome to any still images in my archives. Please feel free to contact me here on the Motherboards.

Bobby Miller
i just talked to a lte. from the dc police dep.
no charges are going to be made in this case.
i argued with them that sharing your prescription drugs is a felony and they claim it is not a crime in their jurisdiction.
any dc lawyers out their know? because i was told that it was a crime by a friend in dc......
Most cities have a pro bono lawyers organization that you may contact to ask general questions. There is a very good one here in NYC so I can't imagine DC would not have such an organization. I think if you did a cursory search you would be able to come up with some contact information. It may also turn out to be a good resource for any steps you may want to consider taking.

It sounds like the usual inert wall of disinterest in such cases that many enforcement forces will put up just because of the identity of the victim.
Chris Johnson here, not long lost -- perhaps *temporarily* lost would be more accurate....

I would be delighted to participate in Dean's B-day celebration; they have always been notable (I still have an invite to one at the World in 1988, taped into a scrapbook). I have been in touch with Brendan "Mme. Alexandre" Brogan, who alerted me to the whole affair...

If *only* I knew how to get in touch with Gil. As Dean well knew, Gil was and shall forever remain the flame to my moth. I -- to this day -- am more attracted to him than to any other human on earth. Go figure -- an O.J. and Nicole thing? (but who is who?).....

I know Dean would want us both there, as he delighted in not only our sexual tension but also our cock-hard loyalty to his fucked up, Quixotic vision.

I have much to say about Dean, my intense experiences with him, and my thoughts about his inevitably cinematic departure. I hope I get to say a few words at the celebration, but even if not, I will certainly be there!!

Originally posted by friendofdean:
Here are my two cents worth: Memorial on Deans bday is right on; I remember Dean being awed by the artistry of Clark Render, Tabboo, and anyone who ever impersonated Stevie Nicks with him of one of his annual 29th birthdays. And of course, all band members from the weenies and the mafia. Others I haven't seen mentioned include Pee Wee (Perry) Masco of ICU - and I hope someone is in touch with former R&RFB gogo boys Gil Bellaran and Chris Johnson. I hope some of you know how to get in touch with these long time (and maybe long lost) friends of his; I can probably find Chris Johnson, but the others are on your turf.
As for the oxycodone issue, acetaminophen is, in this case, the "key". Oxycontin is not a fun painkiller, due to it's slow release into the system (no rush) whereas percodan/-cet are damn recreational cuz they hit you full strength within 20 minutes. I can't imagine Dean willingly taking both since we had the oxycontin vs. percocet conversation a while back, and he had a scrip for the 'fun' version. Of course, I could be totally wrong, too, but that's my hunch. Love to all from the great white north.
Ich've geforwarded to your perzonal email das proceduren on how to join das lovin' celebration crewe.
Das Frau Alexandorgh.
PS: Gil Bellaran. 201 some street, Newark NJ. or maybe the 201 was part of the zipcode. Lotta help ich bin, nespa?
rose My Friends*~...
To those of you who do not know me...Howdy, Im Lizze one of the NOTS performers who will be honoring Dean this May with a Blazing Performance of Seven Wonders*~...
Well, hmmmm..I don't even know where to start with this...& certainly do not want to go on a freakin rant but I feel safe here in this forum to speak my mind so I will....Chi Chi I am sorry, and feel free to edit or remove this at your disrecion...I would so not be Lizzie if I did not get this off my chest soooo...

Well, we have 1 little wayward Gypsy who has been bringing down the collective, brilliant, energy of the NOTS performers...I am not one to let such petty bullshit dampen my spirit but it has taken a toll on several others and after listening to this crap for 3 months I just want to get out Big Blue ( My coveted Tambo) and Boots and kick her in the ass!!! It seems to me that the meaning of this NOTS somehow got away from some, and I have directed those Gypsy's who hearts and spirits are failing to The Endless Night, Deans MySpace, and What is on the Enchanted Gypsies forum in the hopes that this will serve as a reminder as to what THIS Night is all about and can only hope that after the emotional journey they will take pouring though all of this information that a deep and meaningful tribute to Dean will be executed in honor of this...Timeless Spirit Dean Johnsonrose..I am pleased to report that HIS story is indeed spreading and the Enchanted ones are pulling it togetherroseBah hum bug on the one bad apple theory bah I say!!! There is so much Love and Incredible Energy at each and every NOTS surely with that alone we can calm the wayward Gypsy and bring forth that energy to surround her with Dean's Spirit...After all we all Spinned and Twirled on this mans playground, and did indeed pass in the Night...So show some respect already...Sorry but I was about to explode Geeezzzz..Feels much better ahhhhh...and I am putting together a lovely tribute to Dean that I hope to post over the coming week if not this weekend on the Boards and MySpace so stay tuned...
As for this prescribe meds nightmare...For those who may not know this I was in a horrific accident a few years back that all put crushed 3 discs in my lower back and am very lucky to still be among you, let alone able to Spin and Twirl once again..Point being I was put on endless cocktails to try and help me thru the pain and misery of the nerve damage to my leg, that I suffer from as a consequence of this accident...In fact this very same cocktail, along with several other medications... I thought I was a damn Guinea Pig for the world of drug science..You would like to think that the MDs and Pharmacists would have better sense but I digress I understand and relate to this... Recreational use or not makes little difference...Shit I feel safer with the recreational things to party on then what happened to me with my own experience into what I can only lable as a Nightmare...On a happy note I have to tell you that all those meds no longer reside in my medicine cabinet other then the occasional Norco or Xanax...At last there is something that does work and allows me to be me again and to Spin and Twirl in Loving memory of Dean...Lyrica...Figures the word Lyric would be in there...LOL...So in closing let me say Thank You for listening to my little rant and for the release it has allowed me to carry on into The Night...For Dean!!!!!
Much Love,Huggles,Spins & Twirls*~...
Lizzie*~... rose
Enchanted Gypsy*~...

& If I Live To See the seven wonders
I'll make a path to the rainbow's end
I'll never live to match the beauty again
The Rainbows End!!!!

On that note Love Love Love this version so much I have to share!!! I was trying to keep it a secret from Chi Chi until the Night but I just cant do it...LOL...Enjoy...I Hope it works...

& She Spins Off Into The Night Chiffon Flowing Behind Her*~...
Last edited by Chi Chi
Thanks NOTS-informant, and good luck. I always thought NOTS was Dean's idea (but I could be wrong). If I'm not wrong, than yeah, I think this year's NOTS ought to give a nod to the man whose coat tails were large and joyous enough for hundreds of us to spin and twirl about upon, year after blessed year. Even if NOTS was someone else's brilliant idea way back when, I bet they had some fun with our dearly departed over the years... So why not send Dean some love from your fabulous soirée? He's worth it.
First news of Dean's memorial concert 5/30 is now up in NYC Nightclubs and Events. If you would like to volunteer, visit the planning topic in The Versailles Room. If you'd like to buy advance tickets or donate, visit

Rock N Roll Fag Bar 2008
Last edited by Chi Chi
Well, Dean's concert is less than a week away. I've been very grateful for the chance to bond with all of Dean's "lipstick traces" (in the Greil Marcus sense) as we ready the visuals for this show.

Along the way Ive run into several favorite new images of Dean - Ive posted them here - thanks to Adam+Leslie, ever the fierce visual representatives of Dean's "crystal vision"..

Enjoy these and Ill see you Friday night - full info and advance tickets at


Images (1)
Last edited by Chi Chi
Tomorrow will already be a year.

And Beth just sent us a picture of Dean's gravestone. The inscription is perfect.


Images (1)
Chi Chi - "Thank you" doesn't even come close to the gratitude I feel for you and the work you did to help us heal on that magical night in May. Mr. Joe, ditto. Dean's walked me through this minefield of a year, and I've found myself thinking WWDD? plenty of times. Silly me. Or maybe not. Love from Montreal.

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