Skip to main content

I have been going to Jamaica now for over always inspires me to write a diary... here's a lil chapter from this past Saturday...

Strolling down Main street, shiny, shirtless ebony men hold out a clenched fist to me and knock against my knuckles "reeespekt why-t lay-dee...mee lie-k ya shay-p..'nuff reepekt"
I bow my head in acknowledgement as I walk on by.
Reaching across the street passed a group of uniformed school children, skirting away from the stray goats all the while feelin the boom boom of the ragga dancehall beat in my belly as it blares from every corner. "pppppssst! Psssst!" i hear from the men at the gas station "pssst! Big strong gal! Wanna ride wid me!?"
Across the old stone bridge an older dread is barefoot standing by a cooking pot at am impromptu fire stirring his food he blissfully watches the world go by, vendors selling wire wool balanced in mounds on flat trays a-top their heads walk brisk through careering honking traffic. I stop by a small beauty shop, down a dirt track road and ask the lady if she can wash and blow out my hair "Yesss Miss yer wanna settin' noooo prob-lem, 500J" (roughly the equivalent of $5 US). The place is like a busy family home, a baby lies in a crib to my side, two other women sit on small metal stools in the middle of the room as teenage girls braid their hair, clippers buzz like bees as the barber services a steady stream of men and boys.
A suprise to most of the waiting customers the stocky treacle colored barber offerd to wash my hair and leads me past a torn pink curtain to the dimly lit back room. A lone reclining chair cascades into an old tarnish basin. He swaddles towels around my shoulders like i am a fragile china doll and leans me back onto the sink, "I tink you arrrr a very pretty lay-dee", he whispers in my ear. "Oh thanks!" i say quite nochalant used to my new found 'fame'. Thought of the tacky 70's movie Shampoo crossed my mind as he peruse the dated decor as he washed and caressed my hair again and again. By the THIRD wash i was beggining to wonder if I had THE dirtiest hair in the world. At round four of the conditioning scalp massage he was startled as we were joined in the cramped back room by a tall well defined man with cornrowed hair. "Cordell,Yer wand some 'elp?"By this time I told them both that I thought I had THE cleanest hair in the whole of Chrisondom and shuffled dripping into the main room, almost embarrsed by my lengthy absence! A chubby dark skinned woman in a stained pink robe carefully glues rows of long silky hair onto the scalp of a younger gal as she asks me to choose the products I could use on my hair. Swiftly avoiding the 'placenta' cream (urg!) I pick up some hair mouse an step into the wobbly stylist seat all the time being watched by the stocky barber and his grinning skinny friend. After a scalp byrning blow dry I suggest adventourously that I could go for something "creative" (ha!) and so she headed to the table in front which looked like an alchemists desk at an Ironmongers school. After careful selection she chose some contraption that looked more like a pair of metal pliers and sat it in a rough hot metal sleeve. It was this point that I wondered if a horse might arrive for new shoes ... but no this was beauty Jamaican-style. I was excited, my over washed scorch-blown hair was about to be seared into shape with iron-monger gusto. Working her magic-1920 finger waves appeared with the combo of Destiny's Child flicks - it was hideous on my chubby red face - but I loved it!
The walk back 'home' created the same usual attention I had now gotten used to...but at least this time I was ....a Yardie hair hopper!
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

I keep meaning to post about the new Hot Spot in Jamaica. There's a night club in West Kingston (trenchtown way!) that just emerged in one of THE worst neighbourhoods... a "garrison community" (the areas that can only be 'policed' by full army in riot gear) its in Tivoloi Gardens which is one of those 'hoods that no Jamaican would even go to unless by gunpoint. HOWEVER... for ONE night a week everyone dresses up to the MAX MAX MAX and there is a cavalcade of cars that are 'escorted in' to the hood for this party... It's unbelievable!! How packed the place gets and the upscale folks that go there ... total decadance... but its not exclusive ..even locals from Trench town etc go there...Its just unbelievable as it goes all night.Real outlaw but up till now unbelievably safe... The police and government are speaking out about it as this is the first time that traffic is getting into that area and the roads now have to be improved! Plus the all night traffic jams are making headline news...Swatch watches have stepped in to pay for a new soundsystem... the whole thing is out of control... and all in the middle of one of the most dangeous areas in the country!! The club is called Passa Passa... and if u find yourself in Kingston ...dress as wild as you want and you will easily get in!
Having a ball (literally) in Jamaica.... started off in Montego Bay (Mo Bay) then went to Ochi (Ocho RIos) spent a day up in the Blue mountains in a cabin with a bunch of elderly toothless rastas who cooked all sorts of odd food that I didn't recognize but of course ate.. hung out with my friends in a small hillside town (Castleton) where they forced me to go to Baptist church by the river... Am now in Kingston town... did my tourist pilgrimage to Robert Nesta Marley house today where I hung around on my own (literally there were NO other tourists!!) in Bobs House sittin in the doorway of his bedroom seeing his clothes still there and his bed and guitars etc... feeling the bullet holes in the kitchen walls from the shots that went through his body... while my rastaman guide Biggie made me some fresh herb juice... (fresh juices and herbs steeped with ganja root)... from there my Jamaican guy who is all Mr Fancy pants made me go for British High tea - women in hats and frock (me stoned) and watching the cricket on the telly...
Off to the new club tonight the fancy one then off to Passa passa in Trench town... hold on to me handbag!
Ended my trip down in Negril... found the most stunning place to stay! Which is defo defo Fag-friendly!
It a hip boutique hotel... on the not so tall cliff area... beautifully done, (owners are four Australians who live there)..very Balanese in design... I stayed in one of the villas which was unbelievable... but uber romantic (i defo would have be bummed and depresed if I were on my own there!! Ha!). Round hand carved stone circular villas, four poster beds, with mosquitto nets, the best cotton sheets, stereo systems that you can blast loud as each villa is rather secluded... private areas to sunbath or have dinner delivered... tiki torches around the place at night.. just the sound of the ocean... and best of all an open roofed shower!
Total bliss.... if you need to get away from it all and just want to chill this is heaven (they even have morning yoga out on the cliff tops if you like)... common areas near the main house have tv, chess and Dominos which guest play .. its uber chill, very friendly. Great food/drink/staff and incredibly romantic!!!
OK ... just got back from Jam Down.... was having a conversation with a group of mainly women in Jamaica non of whom had heard of Botox when I explained to them what it was they all laughed out loud "SUCH FOOLISHNESS" asking me if men did it too etc.. the view of womens bodies and looks is really different and rather refreshing...The Pin Ups are strong looking women - very Robert Crumb cartoons really - big thick strong legs, bubble buts almost WWF women at times - very powerful... Boob jobs are NOT really popular either... the ONLY popular surgery advertised in the back of magazines everywhere - vaginoplasty!! a tightening of the Punny... cos of course such a surgery the gals tell me is 'essential not foolish'! Great to hear that the country has life in perspective.. the chicks might be big strang hell-tea gals with breasts like dangling oranges in knee socks.. but god bless em.. they got what REALLY counts!! LOL
The other thing I found really funny was that women with Moustaches is fairly acceptable ... and that sometimes hairline from a womans navel to her bits... is the "treasure trail"...womens hair I was told is sybolic of her virility!! Meantime all I have left is a hitler muzzy (and I dont mean on my face) they must think I am sooooooo lame.
So, I attended the Caribbean model search in Kingston last week... some AMAZING fierce new Grace Jones' walking the runway and some dee-lish young jamaican boy-chicken too... but had to notice that the fashion still prevailed almost ALL the models had 'the treasure trail' of hair from navel to pussy.. it was sooo funny to see... you quite forget how 'altered' women are here in the States.


Images (1)
  • aboymodel
Finally got to Port Royal in Jamaica last wk... historically an unbelieveable place...founded around 1670 it was considered the Buccaneers place "the wickedest place of all" It basically was a settlement for Pirates incl Captain Henry Morgan and Bluebeard . A town that boasted of all of its prostitutes and drunkeness (my kinda town!), all funded on pirate of the carribean looted gold, jewels etc! At one point in Port Royal there was one ale tavern for every 60 people (sounds like Liverpool) . There are few buildings remaining from that time since a freak earthquake came and sunk most of the city! 33 acres of the city totally sunk! Houses, ports, contents and occupants all under in one day, some folks say its better than Atlantis... There are some ole British churches left with amazing headstones that tell pirate tales as well as the remains of an ole fortress with canons... but the whole place is NOT geared towards tourists which makes it all the more fascinating to me really. I often wonder why i feel such a kindred spirit toward JA and on a guided tour I learnt that these pirate ships sailed often to Liverpool....perhaps I was one of these strumpets who trolled the taverns of Port Royal!?


Images (1)
  • Aport_royal
So... just got back from Jamaica... and thought it was interesting to see that after two years of failure McDonalds has pulled out of the country all together... they had opened up the burger chain in four locations on the isle but due to lack of customer support they have had to close down! How fab is that .. not ONE Mickey D's on the whole isle! The popular fast food chain is Island grill that serves steamed fish and beer! Now thats my kinda fast food!
I was wonderin' where you were. I should have known.
I just re-read this whole topic...
1) You are a very fierce woman!
2) I never wanted to go to Jamaica but after re-reading your travelogue, I have changed my mind. But I want to go with you.
3) And knowing just a LITTLE bit of what you can't say publicly...
You are a very fierce woman!!!!
Wow.. thanks Daddy.... have to tell you that u have competition now... since i was DJing in Kingston!!! LOL went to a party and the music sucked I ended up pluggin in my ipod and playing Reggaeton which nobody has heard there!!! Can u believe it.. nobody is listening to it.. so I had the joint jumping with Gasolina, Pon de replay etc... and a J.Period mix that I had of some ruff neck yardie stuff.. very funny! These youths were shouting "white selektor! Why-t seeelektor!" It was just crackin me up... How the DJ biz seems to work in JA is u have the "Selector" who chooses and plays the music then u have the "DJ" who does the talking over the music .. then you have the "hype men" normally two youths who know all the latest dances who hype the crowd... Went to brunch the day after and some guy gave me a 'nuff respect (clenched fist to the chest as he passed me cos he said he was at the party and they had a great time!!) I wouldn't dare do that in NYC.. don't know why i just have the balls to do anything down there!!!

Was also in the rainforrest and stayed on the beach (literally - ) Heres my crappy camera phone pics again...


Images (1)
  • rainforrest
Alas and alack I can't get down there... lots of major stuff going on at the office which ties me .. the only time i can go (the wk btw chrimbo and ny) the cost of the flts are $700 ! sod that! I want me Christmas Fruit bun and cheese! I want to go see Pantomimes!
I am currently looking at dates in January that might work. Probably gonna go to Kingston an head up to Portland ... the best secret in Jamaica. Tourist free!!! Lush, green jungles, amazing Blue Mountains.. and the most photographed beaches in the world (They filmed Brooke Sheilds Blue Lagoon there! ha!).
It's only a matter of days now till I am back in Jamaica... and to say I am excited is an understatement! Am counting the days,nay hours!
One thing that am eager to go to are the 'parties'. Nowerdays in Kingston more and more events are held in private homes not clubs. I wish this happened more in NYC. I never know WHO owns these homes but most of them are fancy huge houses 'Uptown' in Kingston in the Hills overlooking the city. It's normally a word of mouth event (often chalked up arrows on the roads to the house). They run tight guest lists on the door. There are no free lists but a strict payment. There is all u need at these parties from music, drunk, sex and drugs (if thats your thang) ... they normally attract a real interesting mix of people too. But the outlaw nature is what I really enjoy (and I have been to some gay parties too). The freedom of the non-guilliani/bloomberg bottle service generation is wonderful. I think this is where we should movie Jackie 60! Next wk i have been invited to two such parties one is called "menage a troi" heh heh ... might be fun!
Name to watch out of Jamaica - Ras Kassa - film director. Unbelievable stuff, excellent use of color, political, just a real story teller. You might have seen his work in some music videos but I swear this kid is gonna be HOLLYWOOD huge if he puts up with LA... he is full on rasta and shun's allot of the bling associated with success and always wants creative control so he might opt to stay out of the biz. But Hollywood IS listening and have set him up a studio in LA I hear... but he is moving most of it to Kingston to teach local kids - i hear - I think his vision is amazing, his work is fantastic (i don't know him, would love to meet him) saw a local tv doc about it and he just 'gets it', 'gets' all the b.s. about how everyone is brought up to believe cash is king and materialism is all what we need. He just 'gets it'. Was well impressed!
Check out his work on the Damian Marley video for Jam rock - excellent cinematography -
Time for Bun!
In Jamaica at Easter people eat ˜Bun' - A brown sweet fruit loaf popular to eat with thick slices of cheese or butter. You can buy these heavy fruit buns in allot of West Indian stores (inc. Daphne's on 14th/2nd). But the other popular use of the word BUN in Jamaica is used by women – If a woman complains to her friends about her man (especially if its that he is crap in bed) the advice that will be given will be "bun im" meaning cheat on him. The saying by men "man a get bun" means when his woman is sleeping with other men. More recently the top of the charts was a song called Bun Him sung by Macka Diamond and Black-er, the video shows her going out with different men cos he was a looser. At this time of Easter when we shall enjoy some Bun... It makes me also think of some of my American friends who put up with such losers who they really should have given Bun to ages ago. If only women had that same self confidence that my JA gyals do over here!
I think I found a good lil NEW hideaway in Jamaica Mount Edge in the Blue Mountains interesting lil B&B,way up in the hills over kingston...lil farm/coffee plantation - wooden cottages - fairly simple but chill. E-mailed the owner who was decent 'nuff to only ask for $40 a night for the Gong House which he says is the best cottage out of the lot as it has the best view/veranda and ensuite bath/toilet. I am taking my kid and he said he won't charge me for a ˜pickney'. He also offered to pick us up from the airport for just $32 which is an excellent rate too. Seems very chill – previous guests have included Michael J Fox (how random!) and Lauren Hutton (of course!). It's quite amazing up there as its abundant with hummingbirds that are relaxing to watch... and there are loads of huge butterflys and lizards (there are no snakes in JA). Our kid will love all the pick your own banana's etc...and the owner said he has some bikes we can borrow to get to the local village. Should be a riot.. We will only spend 3 days there and then head back to the city and the beach. Am giddy already!
This from todays Jamaican newspaper The Gleaner, Home remedy suggestions for rum and ganga....

What dem seh ...

A little rum in a glass of milk will settle a child's, or anyone's for that matter, upset stomach or nausea.

White rum is good for curing the common cold. Men in particular, who suffer from cold symptoms, should drink it straight with lime juice, get to bed and wrap up in the covers, and by morning will be rid of their symptoms.

Soak a small rag in white rum, and place it on the forehead of a feverish person, and the cooling effects of the rum will 'break the fever' in no time.

It gives relief from arthritis and other joint pains if used to 'sop' the joints.

Two tea spoons of bizzy soaked over a long time in a small flask of white rum, becomes a remedy for colic or upset stomach . (just a tablespoon at a time).

A small branch of green marijuana leaves left in rum till the white rum becomes a dark green, is also a great way to alleviate colds and flu. Sap the forehead with a little and swallow a tablespoon full and get between the sheets.
Only in Mo Bay - Headlines in today's papers -

MoBay gays not happy with 'panty shortage' story
Threaten newspaper staff over publication

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

MONTEGO BAY, St James - The Western Mirror newspaper, based in this city, was yesterday forced to review its security arrangements in the face of threats from two men over a story alleging that gay men were responsible for a panty shortage here.

Angered by the allegations in yesterday's Western Mirror lead story - 'Panty Shortage Hits MoBay' - the men yesterday stormed the newspaper's offices and threatened the staff responsible for writing the story.

According to the story, gay men in the city were 'buying out' women's underwear, prompting the shortage. The article said that on one occasion a well-known gay couple was seen buying 35 underwear from a higgler at an arcade in the city.

The men allegedly entered the newspaper's offices yesterday and demanded to speak to the editor, Lloyd B Smith. Smith was, however, at lunch and according to one reporter, the duo became boisterous and insisted on knowing who had written the article.
It's always an in-joke with my mates to call me Annee Palmer. I know the story of her from history but I must say I'm suprised that that BBC have never made a period drama about her - it's a wonderful story.... one that is prime for a Jackie Playhouse.

Annee Palmer was a teenager when her English mother and Irish father (same as me!!!) took her on a voyage to the West Indies early in the 19th century. She became a beautiful, lascivious and, they say, diabolical plantation owner. (Who was also known to dress in men's clothing!). Annee is said to have lured into her bed any man who took her fancy. Further, she is alleged to have dabbled in voodoo, tortured her slaves and murdered all three of her husbands: poisoning the first, stabbing the second and strangling the third. She killed each husband in a different bedroom and it is said she then instructed slaves to carry their bodies to the sea, after which they themselves were killed to protect her guilt.

She claimed yellow fever - which was common at the time - took the lives of all of her lovers, and because of her involvement in voodoo and her reputation for cruelty, no one challenged her. Strangulation was how the "White Witch" eventually met her death in 1831. She was murdered in her bedroom by her slave lover, Takoo, who suspected Annee of plotting his murder after he took another lover.
If you are ever in Montego Bay you can visit Rose Hall - Annee's home which still stands and see the area's where they found all the bodies of her lovers!!
If you scroll back here u will see back in Feb 06 I posted about a Jamaica film directed whom i was hero worshiping but who I'd never met.
I have an update.
I mentioned his name to a chum of mine, turns out they are pals. Ended up not only meetin my hero but we are planning on working together! I am beyond giddy! The guy is a genius. I truly believe he's just an amazing feral director. He is gonna move to Hollywood now and am sure he's gonna blow up.
It's really tickled me though to have been such a giddy fan of his then to be his chum.
Check out his videos allot of them are up on his page
So here I am in Kingston town ... and one of my many pleasures of 'foreign' travel is visiting supermarkes and drug stores... don't ask but that's the kind of thing that makes me happy. So I find this lil corner chemist, inside it's as quiet as a library and there at the old wooden and glass display cabinet is an elderly women in a brown polyester slip dress, check blouse with cameo broch and her grey hair neatly coufiered. She was the typical church lady... which immediately gave me guilt in my drug frienzy for Disprin and codine (all over the counter there) as it the Pill (real cheap) et al. When I stand an look what other pharmacuical goodies lie on the shelves behind this old dear I am totally mortified as the large array of dildos and vibrators. There's weren't your ordinary american 'quiet' lipstick sized bullets but there were mutherfuckin build by John fuck Deers black cousin. HUGE size of my thigh things. I am frozen, just frozen and can't stop glaring at these 'items of downright torture' (and ultimate pleasure!). And there the old deary is all meek in charge.
A classic JA yard tale.
It's great.
Really good song too.
Ras Kassa is very talented.

Why is everything from Jamaica such a cliche?
Everybody that I meet from Jamaica (of course through Anna Nicole) seems so smart and talented.
But Jamaica seems to be stuck in the 1970's.
That video could have been shot in 1975.
The Rude Boys, the dreads, the slums of Kingston, the police, the thieves, the kids with dreads, the girls as pieces of ass, the hopelessness...
It's been the same video for the last 30 years!
It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

What really interested me was this one.

The space ship hovering above Kingston...
Now that's what I'm talking about.

I understand that the problems there are still the same but there has to be a new way to express it.
Otherwise nobody will take it seriously.
It's like Martin Luther King's Birthday.
I mean it great that the country celebrates it but it's the same old speech year after year.
Same old Coretta, Same old Jesse Jackson, Same old Rev. Al etc. etc. etc.
(OK Well, maybe Coretta has moved on)

Is there anything more experimental going on there A.N.?

Add Reply

Link copied to your clipboard.