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Are the tour's leftover pharmas gonna be on Ebay?

And who got the hottest sex on the road?

Sorry for these questions, but Daddy if this is a career development workshop for DJ's is there job placement assistance?

Congrats pick on the wrap up of a great gig. Thanks for the tour posts. Hope you get some rest soon.
Hello readers, apologies for my silence. Have been out of wireless reach so not able to post my post-SS wanderings. I promise to fill in the blanks tomorrow. Pics will have to wait as they are on my computer and I have to rely on the kindness and hours of internet cafes.

To answer one of your questions Seven, I had the hottest sex on tour only because I was the only one who scored some road pussy. All the band are partnered and faithful. I know, snoozzzzz...

More to come, including dancing on tables and what to do when someone whispers "te gusto?" in your ear.

Ok, so with my head full of Cure and severely lacking H2O I arrive in....

MILAN: where I am greeted by Mauro the promoter of Billy (the club night I am playing at) who's a dead ringer for Bobby Miller I kid you not, and my new agent (backstory: my previous agent got knocked up by her husband and had the baby after which she decided to say screw being an agent I wanna be a mom only, hey why not), Riccardo who lives in London but is from Milan so he came for the weekend. Both are lovely and instantly I begin to have jitters about the upcoming night. My daysheet, or itinerary, has a small disclaimer at the bottom saying the music direction of the club- house with some vocals, nothing too hard or deep. FUCK! The word electro does not even appear and if ever anyone asks me what I play I usually respond electro or electro-house. Riccardo assures me that I should do what I do and to ignore the sheet, that it's bullshit. A quick laydown at the hotel and then it's dinner with 2 of the other dj's (Kareem from Paris and Paul Heron from London- whom I recognize from a club called Orange which is a fierce den of iniquity, like always 8 boys per bathroom stall) and the guest performer Barbara Tucker. Rumours of Barbara's diva-like behaviour circle the table before she arrives. When she does she's absolutely pleasant. Even after Kareem squirts lemon juice in her eye. Oops, sorry. Paul Riccardo and I get on like Jacko's hair on fire and spend the dinner pretty much ignoring everyone else. Not intentionally of course, we just happen to form a sewing circle at the end of the table, "...and THEN what did she say Marjorie?" Paul's quite a cutie, but he has a boyfriend so it's just hopeless flirting on my part. Still, he vollies well. Later on we arrive at the club during Kareem's set which is pretty tribal-y/housey. In my head I'm going "Oh god oh god oh god!" Now maybe you are thinking, "What the fuck? Just play your gdmf-ing set. This aint your first time in a dj booth!" But for me I feel like this is the first gig with my new agent, my first gig in Milan at a club (THE gay club in Italy supposedly), I've got to nail it. Here goes...

My set is to happen at 2:30am after Barbara does 3 songs (she is bookending my set, playing before and after). Mild disaster strikes when Barabra's 3rd song is skipping (luckily the dj had listened to it in his headphones before playing it to discover this fact). Barbara, obviously getting frustrated with stalling the crowd just turns to me and says on the mic "Play something with no vocal, let's freeform a bit". I hit play on my first track which is a hot song called "Here We Go", and those are the only words in the song. Before she even hears them she is singing "Gaaalaaaaxyyyy! Let's go to the gaaalaaxyyyyy!" When the beat drops in after a minute intro, the whole floor (and Barbara) drop 2 feet and it is ON! Synchronicity, she is a kind mistress sometimes. Towards the end of the song Miss Tucker has abandoned talk of galaxies and is now just singing "Pride (A Deeper Love)" over the track. I'm gagging. She finishes and I just launch into my set which goes great. Riccardo was right. I go hard electro and they eat it up. The rest of the night is a blur of vodka, curled bills, and steroid gogo boys as I witness something that feels like a new chapter in my life. The Italian Job.
Last edited by Pickles2
That's my girl!
All your Jackie 60 training paid off.
Very few people can tune into the Disco Goddess of Snychronicity.
(In the club world a DJ has to work with a pantheon of Gods. The Disco Gods. Sometimes they can be very cruel and sometimes they can elevate you to Mount Olympus. The Disco Goddess of Synchronicity can be a real bitch. It's good that she like you Pickles).

Barbara Tucker is very nice. I don't get the Diva rep. That free form show that you described is VERY old school. Barbara knows The Disco Goddess of Synchronicity very well.

Do you remember the time at Jackie 60 when India was there and I played two records (yes, records) of Love Hangover back and forth giving her just the bass line and drums? India sang a freeform version of Love Hangover over my spontaneous "track" for like 20 minutes. (I thought my hands were gonna fall off they got so tired of mixing back and forth). It was amazing though.
Barbar Tucker comes from that school and now... SO DO YOU!!!

I went to go hear this kid play last night. (My second time going to hear him). He's very ambitious and wants to follow in your footsteps Pickles. He mixes like a pro, plays great songs but I couldn't figure out why I can't do anything with this kid until now. He has NO spontenaety what-so-ever. No magic. I could never see this guy pulling off the Barbara Tucker thing that you just described.
You have always been special Pickles. Even when you were a baby you had that "thing".

I'm glad to see that you are finally getting some slap and tickle!
The Empress and I have been worried about you.

Congratulations, your blog had the most page views of any single topic on The Motherboards last month!

The Disco Goddess of Synchronicity


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Daddy I was totally thinking of Jackie when the whole free form thing was going on. I don't think I was there when India riffed (you know I may have been propped up at Hatties 12 count pour/poor bar), but I remembered (get ready for brownness...) Joan Osbourne getting on the mic and wailing. It felt like that. Who did you hear last night? PM it to me cause I wonder if it's the same person I see as coming up right behind me but he's still a bit green. Anyway, it's taken years of your training but finally I'm feeling the disco goddess at work in me. "Oh yeah she DO!"
Alright, so where were we? The night after Billy we go to dinner at this dj's amazing apt in Milan she shares with her girlfriend. A few of their lady friends are there to and I think how long it's been since I was in primarily lady company, ok lesbian company. And this was a fierce group of dykes like I remember from NYC. The hostess (DJ Milly) used to live in NYC and so I immediately play the name game with her about places she played (Chez Es Saada...check). But the best was when she turned to me and asked, "Do you remember Cafe Tabac?" I howled cause to me that was the beginning of the restaurant as nightclub phenomenon. I know it didn't start there but that happened right as I moved into the city so for me it was. I even remember one night at Cake when some queen turned to me and said "Oh my god, remember Cafe Tabac??? And it was still open and a fully-functioning restaurant." Dinner was fab and so good to have a home-cooked meal. The next day I am up early to wander around the city with Ric and then drive to....

GENOA: I get picked up at my hotel in Milan by the club owner (speaks little english) and his friend (speaks more english). It's an interesting 2 hour drive as we navigate the familiar (to them)Italian countryside as well as the familiar (to me) english language. Arriving in the seaside town of Genoa I am in awe of the houses and buildings perched along the cliffs. Really stunning views both of the sea and the shore make it one of those postcard towns. I go to the hotel for a wee nap then it's dinner at the restaurant/club. Andre (owner's friend) explains that it is almost the end of the winter season at which point the club moves to an indoor/outdoor location. Becasue the weather is so nice that day it is hard to tell what the crowd will be like since everyone likes to stay outside and drink if it's nice out (understandably so). Thus, for the first time ever I am praying for rain on a night I have to dj. No luck, despite a few dark clouds with empty promises. I go out on the town with Andre as he hands out fliers...big mistake. In a quite comedic fashion he grabs peoples attention and hands them an invite (which has my pic and far too much Scissor reference for me to feel comfortable) to which the overwhelming response seems "Ehn...think I'm staying home tonight." It was genius. Like getting hit in the face with a fish over and over. I leave Andre to his barking and slip away to the club to salvage any remaining self esteem. As it turns out, the club gets packed and they are dancing the night away on the tables and bar. I get far too drunk and almost crush a girl as we fall off a table and hit what feels like several chairs on the way down. Both of us are fine but to apologize I decided it's essential to buy her a bottle of champagne...clearly I do not think "Maybe the fall should clue you to not drink anymore!" Oh well, hopefully I will learn someday. Till then it's "Bottle of champagne for Lulu!" I end up paying for the bottle in so many ways by morning when I feel like something the cat threw up. Luckily all I have to do is sit on a train to Florence and finish my book "The Good German" which I absolutely LOVED btw.
Jeez Cafe Tabac... i used to go there ALL the time. I used to really enjoy it there and had some funny nights there. Infact I was only just talking about the place the other day, very Eurotrash (I fitted totally in!)... as I met Ahmet Ertegun there one night and he invited me to his table with him an Mika and it was a total hoot of an unexpected night... then there was the night that Geraldo kept sending bottles of Crytal to my table..that night I ended up in Nell's with him and him beggin me outside my Horatio st apt to come it ! LOL
Tabac was good to me for some funny nights. So sad that Tim (maitre d) of the upstairs was killed. So sad, he was such a luv.

Pickles... am loving reading this... we should send u out more often... more tales of foreign boys please.
FLORENCE: So I had 3 days off to kill before I have to be in Naples for the weekend so I decided to go to Florence. Now, I had been here (gulp) 14 years ago, and though there are plenty of cities in Italy I haven't been too, I thought I'd hit a familiar one so I'd feel slightly more at ease. Plus I knew a day had to be wasted taking care of stupid stuff like paying rent, sending winter clothes back home to lighten my load, and do laundry, so why not do it in Florence. No logic really it just seemed easiest. Actually there is some logic because doing all this travelling does not necessarily inspire one to explore other cities when you've got days off. The familiar is calming and repairs all those nerve endings fried from back to back jobs and being nightclubbed. I arrive in the evening in Florence and jump into a cab to take me to my online hotel which turns out to be a block from the train station, but the taxi driver and his wife insist it is worth the 10 euros on the meter. I'm in no frame of mind to argue and merely damn them to hell in the elevator up to reception. My hotel is very basic but perfect for a 3 day layover. The windows open to a courtyard which saves me from the street noise (not that this will matter as you will find out).
I grab a bite to eat and then off to sleep. Well, off to bed really. Sleep in Florence becomes somewhat difficult. I have no idea why but I could not get to sleep all 3 nights I'm in Florence. I try reading, tablets, drinking, drinking and tablets, and nothing seems to work. Really bizarre and kind of freaks me out so I spend the days wandering the city but not really taking in anything. Pity. Also my good weather mileage has clearly run out cause it is cold and wet. By Friday I am happy to board my eurostar to Naples.

Now, Riccardo had warned me that Naples, while exciting and lovely in a vintage kind of way, can also be very consuming and as he put it "too mucha in your face all de time." The minute I step off the train I understand. It looks like nothing has been washed or restored in years (if ever at all). It's not that it is dirty, but rather decaying. A friend later offered the explanation, "Well darling, they are living right next to Vesuvius which could erupt at any minute. Why renovate?" Apocolyptic, but pragmatic. I'm sure there's other reasons but this seems the most interesting to me. Another interesting thing about Naples is the lawlessness of the roads. Yellow, green, and red are merely suggestions, and everything is one way...your way. Since everyone has agreed there are no rules, no one thinks anyone is getting away with anything. A kind of strange socialism is how it appears to be to me. We're all in this together, capiche? My guide and caretaker while I am in Naples is a lovely man named Angelo. First we have to go to a store called Fnac (like Circuit City) where they have asked me to have a press conference. Ok, stop laughing. No really. I find it just as funny as you but let me walk you through this. I had agreed via email to do a press conference but I explained to the promoter "As long as they know I am not a member of Scissor Sisters, and that they can't start asking me questions like, 'What inspired you to write Take Your Mama?' cause it will be very awkward." All is understood but they wanna still do it because as they explain it, I'm the closest thing they'll get to any of the band coming to Naples so it's good enough. Thanks...I think. In Fnac they have a cafe next to which they've set up a little stage with a drum kit and a dj setup. There's about 30 chairs in rows facing the stage and 2 stools with mics. Your standard interview/press conference setup, well minus the drum kit and dj setup. The first people to arrive after several announcements have been made over the PA are about 8 men and women, not one of whom is under 70. I don't know if they are journalists, music lovers, or just needed a seat. Have a look...
Genius, right? I'm living and happy to start right then and there but the Fnacsters say to wait a little longer. A bout 20 more people plop down with some interest, including 2 kids who are super excited and obviously big fans of the band. Whatever, I'll take it. The woman interviewing me is a doll and the whole process takes less than 20 minutes with zero questions coming from the audience. But they clap when it's over. Very polite. Off to the hotel for some rest (finally!) before heading to my first gig in Naples at some seaside posh club. I feel like I rock 'em but my set gets chopped by 20 minutes which I assume means "uh, no." But the next day it is explained to me that there were some fierce dj politics involved with the resident dj and that I should not be concerned. Besides Angelo says tonight (Saturday) is gonna be a REALLY fab party because I'll be djing outside on the beach. WERK! I'm into that. Meanwhile my friend Mykle, whom many of you may know as Purple Pants from the door at Mr Black, is coming from Rome to hang out all night with his friend in Naples and support a sister. Oh, and did I also mention it's my birthday. Everything lined up to be a good night. All I neeeded was one of the notoriously loose-moralled Napolian straight studs and the package is complete. Mykle and I are having dinner at a pizza joint down the road from the hotel when I get a text from Angelo, "PLEASE call me! Have to cancel tonight. Club owner won't open club because rain." Now it had been kind of gloomy and grey all day but no sign or sound of rain. Angelo explains to me that it is too damp and cold by the beach so the owner of the venue refuses to open cause he thinks he'll loose money. Okaaaaay, so now what. So, no gig tonight. A quick call to Riccardo and the financial settlement is reached and boom I have the night off. Of course I had already psyched myself up for the gig so I'm quite disappointed. Nevertheless Mykle and I decide to take this opportunity to explore Naples' gay nightlife. This entails driving around in a tax for over an hour to 4 different places, all of which have obviously been shuttered for quite some time. Not a shred of rainbow flag in sight. Whoever said the internet had to be accurate? Discouraged at 2am I bid farewell to Mykle and head back to the hotel to get 3 hours sleep before I have to get back in a taxi and go to the airport. Happy birthday to me.
Oh Pickles, that was rich!
A press conference?
I never had a press conference with old people!

OK, now I get it.
So that's why you got chopped in Naples.
Pay it no mind.
DJ politics in Europe can be FIERCE! (as you know)
One time I got chopped down to a 15 minute set.
The Empress and I were thrilled and just partied the night away.
Resident DJs there find it VERY hard to give up one minute of their precious DJ time.
In Europe (as you know Pickles but I'm filling in the readers) DJs play sets. Usually 2 or 3 hours. They rarely play the 14 hour marathons that we do in New York. There might be 5 DJs all fighting for dominance with their (usually pre-programed) sets.
And they get VERY jealous of other DJs.
And DJs in Naples...
I can't even imagine!
You're lucky you made it out of there in one piece.

My very good friend Nick Scotti was born in Naples.

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