Air Travel is shite these days.....

I totally agree AN, and its really changed the way we book flights.

I've posted before, but still highly recommend Jet Blue if you are going somewhere they fly. Just had an experience in NOLA where almost nothing was leaving due to weather on East Coat. While the other airlines just cancelled everything for the night, Jet Blue actually worked to get an alternate plan approved, and we left within one hour of schedule, which was a minor miracle.

Whats more, unlike US Air (who is IMHO the worst about this), they were honest, communicated with passengers, and kept us in the loop.

Sometimes even the airport is a factor - American Airlines at JFK (especially lately with the renovation) is sadly wanting, yet the same airline at LaGuardia tends to do a much better job.

Cant let it stop you from flying, but buyer beware.

For domestic travel I pretty strictly fly American Airlines out of LaGuardia. I confess that is mostly because I have a lot of miles with them (which I will hopefully use for free trips next summer) and they have great leg room. Also if you only have two carry-ons you can check via their automated check-in machines and go right to your gate, avoiding lines. I rarely have problems and find them to be timely and courteous. For international I fly whichever airline gives the best deal and then it's anything goes. EVERYTHING takes longer and is more of a hassle.

My main beef with traveling these days is the whole process altogether of getting on the damn plane, regardless of the airline. I am so fed up with taking off my shoes at security check points, and one feels like cattle during the boarding process with everyone rudely dropping their wheeler luggage on my head and pushing and shoving.

we travelled American... but it was to canada so ...so much more drama.
What also pissed me off is that we arrived 2hrs early like u r supposed to... i thought we would then be able to check in like a breeze and go have some breakfast... but no... we ended up WAITING in line for over 1hr while folks who were late JUST arrived for their flights so were pushed in the line before us... i really do sound like a pissy crusty ole cunt here but... it does piss me off that a person is penialized by late folk. I sort of feel that they should just have one late persons line which is first come first served... and the rest of us muggles don't have to be pushed back each time some late person arrives... there! i will get off my soap box...

I AGREE! Has anyone else noticed all the strange weather delays lately? For at least the past three or four months it seems that every trip I take is delayed by weather. And we're not talking biggie hurricanes. Just your average, run of the mill, summer storms. Two weeks ago I waited at JFK for three hours before boarding a flight to LA. Once strapped in on-board, we waited another hour. Totally ridiculous, and the crew offered no details except vague 'weather delay' excuses. And NO apologies for the 4-hour lateness. It's so frustrating when you book an early flight to ensure you'll have extra work or playtime once you get where you're going, only to have it all tick away in the terminal as you sit getting fat from the Starbucks and greasy airport food. Similar 'weather delays' have made me late going to Va. and San Fran this summer, too. It's gotten so bad the airlines are acting like they're doing you a FAVOR getting you there AT ALL, let alone on time. I can't stand it! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

HA HA HA!!

You will all find this one funny... am here down in Kingston Jamaica.... have been her for three days now.... MY LUGGAGE JUST ARRIVED TODAY!! Before I went away my pal said her luggage STILL hadn't got to here from LA-NY route! I board a Continental flt from Newark - airport was a nightmare just ONE long Continental line for flt to Mexico, Guatamala etc etc... all these folks with at least Five Suitcases each all being expected to self check in electronically (there were NO agents) it was a difficult enough system even for me and english is my first language... so even though i was 2hr in advance there... didn't get to 'check in' till 45min bf the flt... women next to me worked as US embassy in JA she and I were walked from one place to another to take our luggage to be xrayed ..each holding place for luggage was jammed to the gills... just overloaded we both said then that we never imagined it getting on the flt... so..arrival into JA on Sat at noon... only 20bags were on the flt!! EVERYONE else didn't get their bags. The follow up for bags was insane although after a day of personally calling round speaking to totally inefficient people I realized as a AMex card holder i can use the Global Assist service for free... these folks were a lifesaver!!! just did all the calls for me and really sat on it to get answers and accountability... by Sunday they had tracked my luggage to Texas!! but Continental had lost the paper work so were holding it there etc etc.. long long draining story short ...i had to personally go down to the airport myself yesterday with a guy who used to work there and kick ass for an hour till they would give it to me!! insanity and draining of my 'vacation' time.. oeey vey.... the compensation offered by Continental for all of this trouble - just $125 US if i can show them receipts of clothes /toiletries that i bought... so...kids keep those receipts for me plan to get em for every penny... AND ADVICE TRAVEL WITH YOUR LUGGAGE AS MUCH AS U CAN!! phew.........anyway back to my holidAY

Here is my story... Flew Continental NYC to Albuquerque it seemed without a hassle... Stood waiting for the bags with a gang of tourists... About 6 bags come up. Then they announce that the bin in which the luggage flies was broken - "cracked" as they put it - and they did not have the right instruments to
open the bin or fix it -- so our luggage had to be flown BACK to Houston. The tourists were of course hoppin' mad. I just decided some ORIGINAL MSS. that they forced me to check were LOST FOREVER. I could not sweat it... moving is such a pain and you have to expect nightmare.

(I was travelling with Mistress Pearl the cat... she qualified as my carry-on! So choosing between checking Pearl and checking papers, what can you do.)

Anyhow Anna Nicole I will remember that about AMEX... because I did spend alot of time on the phone
hassling them... but in the end the luggage was delivered properly, (despite being labelled with a totally different address!)) to the CORRECT address the very next day, at the time they said they would. (Thanks to local couriers who knew how to use a telephone.)

I will always love Continental no matter what because last Xmas when luggage was delayed, they
managed to get my bags full of presents to my house at 10 PM on Xmas Eve. The guy looked just like Santy Claus to me.

Oh don't get me started. I began flying around 1969 or 1970. A plain old passenger was royalty then. You were a, 'valued customer' -this phrase simply has been erased from corporate consciousness. In the 80's there was at least a counter-movement with the likes of People Express but they got targeted by the big boys and squeezed out. Tower was the last incarnation of that populist approach (although their service was awful at the end) and Southwest has a remnant of that low-cost/good service ethos.I remember the first time encountering an I.D. check at an airport. It was about 1995. Before then there was no such requirement as showing a driver's I.D. After that all passengers were just suspects and you were treated like it, totally, blatantly. During the 90's I managed travel for a large performance company, had to get sometimes 30 or more people with excess and oversized luggage on flights out of the area. The only way was to work with the skycaps. I would just roll the van up the to curb, get out, go right up to the guys and say, "Here is $80, if you get my people and their gear on the 8AM to LA." They always worked with me. Not so anyone in the terminal, unless they recognized my boss. In the terminal I quickly learned to go right for the floor supervisor. Don't wait a minute esepcially if you are running late. I just tell them I need their assistance because my flight leaves in 30 minutes and I can't wait on line. Almost always I get put through. I do like the automated check in, which does cut down the line time. But there isn't anything you can do about the security line, of course.

But now, as evidenced by everyone's posts above, I have problem flights as the routine. It is the exception to have a problem-free flight. I find major foreign carriers better for overseas travel, especially British Air, Air France and Swissair. They usually have lower prices also. And the service is ALWAYS better with the exception of one or two flights I've taken on United. But US domestic flight, its not much more than what the experience of taking a bus is. I have too many examples to go in to.

In short going to the airport is just an adventure. It could take one hour. It could take, like Anna, three days. What can you say about the experience of trying to get to one of the area airports on ground transportation that on a bad traffic day can actually take longer to get to the airport than the flight you will be on will take to get you to your destination? The airlines could care less most of the time about a single passenger and as for your luggage its the least of their worries.

When I was a child in the early-mid 70s, my mother took me on planes all the time. Chicago, Boston, Miami, L.A. It seems almost a figment of my imagination now, but I remember the bigger planes (on airlines like Pan Am and Braniff) used to have lounge areas where Mom would go to get a drink and I could romp around. There she would be, in her flared jeans and shag hairdo, cackling away with a bartendress while the clouds flew by. Then we would de-board on the tarmac. I so wish planes had on-board bar/lounges now. Maybe those big jumbo jet/supersonic planes being manufactured in Europe now that I read about earlier this year will have them.

I'm leery of even having a pre-flight cocktail at an airport lounge or bar these days, because if you look the least bit toasted they will not let you on the plane. My mother can attest to that! Now I just wait till the plane's in the air to start getting buzzed ... by then I usually need a drink anyway.

That's one little thing I like about BA. I can get JD's for free because most their clientele will order something like Cutty Sark for a whiskey. When I ask for JD, often times I'm given a double dose.

In the old days you could also smoke on the plane.

These days going to the airport, I just have to laugh it off most the time. You have to have all your wits about you, know exactly what to say to get action out of all the different levels of personnel, at the same time try to be inconspicuous (now THATs a trick for everyone on these boards) so as not to get singled out for special treatment by security, and basically not take any shit from anyone. Its just survival of the fittest. A whole separate topic here could be the whackyness of just getting to the airport.

I too have enjoyed BA's free drink policy on many occasions, Seven!

btw, if you must change planes when heading west, I fully recommend connecting at the Dallas airport. (I always do when flying American to Denver). The Christian prayer groups are a bit scary, but without fail there is always hot military trade passing through. Plus there are bars across the aisle from practically every gate.

Air Travel Turns Evermore Shite-ier!!!!

Fucking terrorists...
Now your carry-on has to be TRANSPARENT or a plain old plastic bag,
and

"They also put in place new regulations barring passengers from carrying any liquids, gels or lotions onto planes, except for milk or juice for young children and medicines."

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/10/world/europe/11terror...094&partner=homepage


"Some law enforcement officials have said that the targets of the plot were American, Continental and United Air Lines flights. But the airline officials said the airlines have not been told which carriers or flights were the intended targets."

And now how will THIS go over in the USA??? ...
"Britain banned all cellphones and portable music players from flights."

Not to mention airfares are 'soaring' because of the gasoline prices.

I'm walking.

One of our exec just got his laptop taken off him airline 'promises' to mail it to him!!! it gets worse... Its part of the globalization of the world.
As soon as I can I'm moving to Jamaica! Am sick of the whipped up media.

Seems the only thing to do is mail my things to my flight destination ahead of time instead of dealing with all this potential for having things confiscated. Ridiculous!

We're flying to Florida the weekend after next to my aunt's 5-acre farm and we've planned on bringing our baby Napoleon with us. He's exactly 20 lbs, right around the size where airlines start giving you shit about taking a dog with you in the cabin (we refuse to check him with luggage). I was already nervous about the whole thing because you just never know with airlines and dogs, no matter what their written policy is ... so much depends on who you get, what kind of mood they're in, etc. You're totally at their mercy and if someone at the counter is hell-bent on being a cunt there's really nothing you can do about it. But now with this new terrorist scare I'm worried it's all the more reason to give us shit, and it will greatly increase the amount of time poor Napoleon has to spend in his carrier because security lines will take twice as long and we will now be forced to check luggage, something I always avoided doing before with domestic travel by only taking one bag.

We chose JetBlue to Florida because Doug's taken Napoleon several times to Buffalo and they made no fuss about anything. Hopefully common sense will prevail but it doesn't sound like it will !!!!!!!

Must've been some kind of lube they were packin'!

Was it...

or...

Oh, it must've been...

What is the world coming to you lovely people? We should all just drive, take trains, take the bus, and so on and avoid air travel. And lower the fucking gas prices already! Jesus Christ, Buddha, And Satan, please! Stop gouging us! I mean No water? I need water, I love water, it's very refreshing! and no portable music players? I love music so what the hell else should I do on a plane--listen to a starving baby cry because it's hungry? or maybe I should jerk off or find some one to do it with?

No laptops, cell phones or music players -- they could all be detonators.
No liquids -- they could be explosive.

I really must vote for some kind of "Qualified Flyer"
program where they come and ream you out and designate you Safe-To-Fly. Take blood, fingerprints, retinal scan, examine your bank records, check what you've bought in the way of books...

(what a minute aren't they already doing that?)

...drug-test you, ask you if you've ever inhaled, determine the political context of your urine sample, sexually declassify you, check your army and marriage records or lack thereof, show you pornography while wearing a rubber insert and come up with a number, and finally issue you a card that says You May Pass Go, You May Pay Us $700. and Fly. Or Not.

LEXY! PLEASE do yourself a favour and call the airline and get completely hysterical with them!!
Don't trust it will go well. They are going to make you check the dog... water for the dog, etc...
Send Napoleon to stay with Darling Domination, (forgot her lovely moniker) Miss. L., I beseech you dear.

Thanks for the reminder, S'tan...next week I'm packin' a carry-on full of porn and sex toys, just so we can all get a good laugh.

Just leave out the lube and you will be fine. Perhaps you might even make a friend who works for "Homeland Security"

Reminds me of my enema bag incident at Manchester UK airport.

And andreabiscotti, the "Mile High Club" would be an interesting alternative.

Did someone say make friends with someone in Homeland security.. done that!

S'tan spot on.... i would just love to see the confidential records on all of us here.

Hatches - don't tease us - FUll disclosure pls??

My only story of worth was on one of the MANY returns from Kingston when the sniffer dogs got excited (my bloke returned from a shooting party and had left all his guns on my suitcase, no joke). They were conviced I was some drug mule (and u know me I don't even smoke the wacky backy). Seating me in an interview room for over two hours they demolished my luggage but not until they found my diary - The one big Irish potato of a bloke and the Italian Popeye bloke both of them together reading it then lookin up at me, then reading it. It was then that I thought that i should 'become' a writer! LOL LOL
Mr Joe... am sure u have some tales for us!!

Hmmm...was just reading through some old journals myself last night, and was reminded of this one December '01: was flying to Atlanta for my birthday, packed the bag the night before pretty careful of what I was carrying on since we were at code uranium or some such thing after the WTC implosions. Worked the night before, so all I had to do was go home, grab the bags and go to the airport. Well, my "work" attire involved a certain chrome c-ring that I kind of forgot was I was wearing (it's like any other kind of jewelry...not always conscious that it's on you). Wanda with the wand was scanning me over and it kept going off at my own "wand" area. It was so funny, actually. She would scan my wand with hers...and ask, "What's down there?" So I told her to allow me to turn around while I fished it out. Showed it to her right there, but she didn't want to confiscate it. I told her it was only dangerous when I was at work! Got a good laugh out her, and she let me go.

Oh AN, I was traveling to Amsterdam once, long before 9-11, for an extended stay, and ever the ex-Boy scout (ya know, "be prepared") I packed some "cleaning equipment" in my checked baggage.
For some weather-related reason, KLM made an unscheduled stop in Manchester and then inexplicably made us change planes-- which entailed giving us back all of our checked baggage, and having us trundle, to another terminal and through UK customs twice.

The first customs search was done by a rather motherly British older woman who unpacked my entire bag, pulled out the other bag-- in all its pink-with-white-hose splendor-- held it up high, as the people behind me gasped, "Oh my God!" (a family of six from the Midwest)-- and exclaimed, "Oh, a hot water bottle!" and then carefully-- even lovingly-- replaced it and stamped me through. The other check though was uneventful, as if anyone would smuggle anything out of the UK into Amsterdam.

Th plane switch I guess had something to do with changing from one of those accident-prone DC-9's to a more sturdy plane due to extreme North Sea turbulence. And it certainly is a testament to both KLM and Manchester airport that the whole process added only an extra 40 minutes to my traveling time. Here it would have taken half a day.

Returning from Schilpol, of course they don't even open the bags and just ask if you have any tulip bulbs before waving you through.

That incident and the fact that they not only permit small dogs as carry-on's but allowed people to let them out and run around the aisles during the flight, made me fall in love with KLM, and now I always fly them to Europe whenever possible. I guess the fact that the Netherlands is a known neutral country in the current wars is another good reason.

How can u not know that was on you! U r my fave air flying pig

"ahh a hot water bottle" how merchant ivory of you!

I love the British matronly types. A while back when I rekindled the affair with my Maltese bloke. After my first night with him, we shagged so much that at 4am I was in UTI agony. I was in Brighton and we ended up at Eastbourne hospital me trying to get some med for the inflamation! LOL So this portly (Dawn French lookalike) takes me into the room and asks my bloke to step out. She is in full Brit nurse outfit, pinny apron, watch pinned on the top left, white folded paper box hat atop her old lady Thatcher haircut. She gave me an internal exam an then quietly moved towards me and said, "Did this chap force himself on you?" Huge guffaw from me "No did he, you can tell me?" She opens up the splectum again "ok then is he a big boy then? You know BIG?" Course I was just convulsing in the stirrups saying "YES! YES he's a big boy". To which point she just sniggers like a teenage girl and says, "put yer knickers on luv, I can give you some tablets, we call this the HONEYMOON problem u know" she smirks. As we walk out the examaning room, Big Boy himself was lookin at both of us in disbelief at all the laughing that was going on. "Is everything alright?" he asks all concerned. Course am still nervously laughing and say "Yeah! Big Boy!" and pat him on the back.
Trips like all of that make air travel all the more worth it!

Ah, the good old days. I remember when flying with my parents growing up, you absolutely required at least a sport coat. Well, maybe not required, but folks sure did take their attire into consideration when happily jaunting about the country or even world. Of course, traveling back then was meant to be a leisurely experience. Remember those little free packs of cigarettes that certain airlines would give out to every smoking passenger? Later, a curtain is all that divided smoking from non-smoking. I find it amusing that some airlines still feel the need to flash that NO SMOKING sign infront of your face (as if one wasn't already aware). I think the little rectangular outline on the arm rest that once contained an ashtray (I remember my mother putting her gum wrappers in there) speaks for itself.
Alas, let alone attentive and friendly service these days, we're lucky to sit infront of a pull down tray that isn't encrusted with the dribblings of a careless child belonging to equally careless parents. Why bring a filthy tray table to the attention of a stewardess (*coughs* I mean flight attendant) in this day and age? It's not as if meals are very often served on them when we should be lucky to get a stale peanut thrown at us.
By the way, Chi Chi, you're right. Jet Blue is a pleasant throw back to days gone by. Other than that, I think I'll take the train.

On my first trip to California in '68 or '69-- on Pan Am, no less-- the stewardesses (they were always called that then) changed no less than three times: miniskirt ensemble for the take-off, floor-length hostess gown for dinner service (on real plates, with real silverware) and stunning pantsuit for the culmination of this fashion parade in the sky. All of this on a mere 707, and it wasn't even first class.

Course I also remember flying to Hawaii and having to change to a pontoon plane in Honolulu for the flight the Kaui'. And yes, you did always deplane onto the tarmac, getting the first whiff of the fresh island air mixed with a heady dose of vaporized jet fuel.

Once I even flew from what was then Idlewild Airport in New York, but I was very small and really only remember the quonset hut hangars and very round portholes on the plane for windows, giving a very nautical feel... I don't think it was even a jet.

And yes I do remember those tiny cigarette packs... they always seemed to be odd ones like Kent, Chesterfield or Bel Air... Or maybe it was the smokers I was with just wanted those brands.

Ah yes! The stewardesses of yore! So young . . . so supple . . . so attractive! It really was a requirement back then for a stewardess to be somewhat pretty. And the various uniforms, you're right, were so amazingly adorable! Nowadays, you're lucky if the toothless old croans have both legs underneath their baggy "fat pants".
Kents . . . let's see . . . grandmother used to smoke those until the doctor told her she would die.
Bel Airs . . . high school ex-girlfriend's bleached blonde mother would smoke those like a chimney. Had a bigger crush on the mom than I did on the girlfriend.

By the way Hatches, did you read my response on "The Beggar's Opera?"

By the way
This Saturday at Crobar we are doing a party for...
you guessed it.

SNAKES ON A PLANE


Our Stewardesses prepare the cabin for take-off.

HOLY CRAP! This outta be fun! I'll be there. Any particular theme I should go for that you would recommend?
I only ask because this will be my first time at one of your parties. Now that I've gotten to know a few folks here on the board, I'm feeling much less timid. Any suggestions as far as a basic "look" goes for this one?

http://www.strandedpassengers.blogspot.com/

This is an excellent petition. Sign up!
It's for a passengers bill of rights. About time!

10hrs stuck on planes on the runway!

FIRST: !
Welcome to all Federal, State, County and Municipal employees who have logged on to perform official surveillance duties!

Now for the rest of us.
When travelling by domestic or foreign airlines these days one may be singled out for extensive searches while transiting through airports. This may be due to being placed on a watch list.
How will you know if you are going to be singled out for an extensive search at airport security checks? Easy. Look at your ticket.
Airlines print a code on your boarding pass and ticket.
The image here below is a ticket stub showing the not so subtle alert code. A line of the letter ˜s' at the lower right corner.
Also, notice a large ˜S" in yellow marker written across the entire face of the ticket. This was done by the primary security person at the entrance to the security station when he read the ˜ssss'.
Notice further the unusual hole punch in the ticket over the second ˜s' in the code on the ticket.
Some airlines use a more subtle code printed on the boarding pass. Typically the code is a letter of the alphabet which appears near or below the seat assignment. The code may even be more difficult to find when it appears as part of the printed PNR code on the boarding pass. The PNR code is used by the airline to designate your confirmation and is usually printed on the boarding pass above your seat assignment.
If you ask about why you have been singled out you will usually be told, "The computer chose you." But of course that is a lie.
The printed code alerts the security personnel to pull you aside for a body pat down and hand search of your carry on bags which will include a chemical ˜sniff' utilizing a SPAMS machine (Single Particle Aerosol Mass Spectrometry).

So, after you leave the ticket counter or kiosk and before you get to the security station take a close look at your ticket.
I was probably tagged because of my recent association with individuals who have been on a Federal watch list for decades.
You may find yourself singled out simply because you are a Radical Faerie or have done some recent work DJ'ing in Moscow.
For whatever reason, in today's hyperparanoid society where just thinking differently makes one a suspect, watch for the digital stigmata on your ticket that in the eyes of enforcement, makes you impure.

So that's why the Shoshone shaman and I were pegged as we left Oregon. I always assume that I'm a felon in somebody's book. There's that outstanding unpaid ticket I was issued last year for riding my bike in Washington Square; when I called about paying it, I was told there's a warrant out for my arrest. I'm certain that eventually all systems will be synched so that we're detained if we're late paying rent.

LOL Mr. Joe. I have one of those riding the bike in the park tickets too. What are you supposed to do in the park anyway, vote Republican?