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This amazing topic continues for all love, mojo, messages, prayers and BEAMS out to Bobby Miller, the Motherboards own bobby, who continues to teach from his Provincetown bedside.

Catch up in part 1 with this saga of courage and community, and KEEP ON BEAMING!

Bobby,

Sending all love to that very special place and most of all YOU:

Poet..Priest of Everything..Legend..

I'll dance one for you this Tuesday, promise!
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tim and ken are here with me for new year's. we talk and think of you so often. wishing you much love, lot o' health and prosperity in the new year. 2003 will be glee!! for you especially cuz you deserve it. i sent my elves randy and sean in to see john and say hello in p'town. can't wait to see your loverly face again in new york-or maybe we'll just have to go up to p'town in the new year!!

what a girl will do to lose some weight--i mean, really!!
am heading to Ptown for New Years Eve! just made reservations! have spoken to Bobby almost everyday while out in Santa fe, sending him some rays. Hoping he got a sun tan from it, LOL. while thinking on Mr. Miller, it's not just Bobby that is seen, all our smiling faces surround him as one big loving heart. in the worst of times -- the best possible things do happen.

love loving you Bobby.
Hey Bobby! I'm thinking about you, and all these posts filled w/ healing and fierceness. I've been burning a candle all month in my window for you, and it's so comforting to feel like I have you right there in that flame looking out for me.

Looking forward to my Miller Time this evening, as I will be with loved ones before the countdown. I'm wishing ABUNDANCE for you for this year: abundance of health, love and peace - even though it looks like you already have a lot of this covered!

peace and light to you, baby!
We spend so much time on costumage and apparel and then you go and loose 50 pounds and everything looks hip hop...ICK..

A few personal notes:

Stan/ Thank you so much. You made me laugh and cry and reminded me of my roots. I adore you as I always have and you know that you were the first women I ever proposed to. It was because I loved you and I still do. But I think I love my Master more and surely you understand that one.

Sweetie/ Look what you started. Now at 9;45 every night I have to buckle my psychic seatbelt to prepare for the delluge at 10pm/ I love you and always have since we met at BoyBar so many eenturies ago. Your carimg and loving qualities shine out to everyone abd I am the benefactor. Thank you so much for your assistance in helping my healing. I can't wait to see you again soon. All my love.

To everyone else posting here/ Thank you for your love and concern. Have faith that God will continue to reveal tommorow to us, each of us in our lives in our own way.
Bless all of you. I feel your thoughts and prayers for real.
Smile
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Finally got to speak to Bobby today for a long while - my first conversation since he has been back at home. His voice sounds ever stronger and Merlin and Jamie were there fattening him up!

Bobby said how much these posts meant and continued to mean. He asked that people continue to post here and not email him, as his email box filled up while he was in hospital and hotmail closed or disabled his account. He also enjoys receiving snailmail at the p.o. box - email me if you need it. He thanked everyone for the cards and notes and packages and apologizes for not being able to answer these separately.

I think being able to write in little groups to people in the topic is helping him feel connected to his roots and family here while not being as exhausting as individual correspondences or phonecalls.

Glad to have such a good report to add. Beam On!
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At 10pm, Bobby turned to John and said, 'It's 10 O'Clock, isn't it?' He knew it from the waves of love and energy that came over him. It was so strong last nigh none of us could sleep. We spent hours talking, sharing, laughing while trying to wear Mr. Miller out so he could sleep. Yes, he is talking again. LOL. Bobby Miller Time is a powerful thing, family.

We also sat around the kitchen table yesterday making plans for the future! It's a long road ahead, with many new possibilies, and we will all get there together.
we thought about you so much--sent you love and energy when we picked out the asparagus and grated the cheese. one of the people we invited to our dinner for 8 didn't make it so i imagined it was you! i imagined you were at the dinner and how you would respond to various questions and situations. okay--i had had some really good wine and there were these little green leaves being lighted. so what!! anyway, you had a swell time and we loved everything that you said while we were watching "the warriors," currently known as the fiercest runway movie ever, and we were sorry when you had to go. but you've seen in a new year and there will be plenty more (that's YOUR problem!) with much love--prayers and stuff for you to get better quickkkkkk xoxoxoxoxo
Judith mistakenly started a topic with this one (no biggie, Judith, just use the "post reply" button, not "post topic") Smile

quote:

matt benedict called me today. we had seen each other the evening chichi organized the videotaping for you(which i'm sure you're keeping for blackmail purposes--esp me with the tit clamps). it was almost like being in jackie again--everyone dresssed up, interesting people, friends, dope smoking--but of course you weren't there leading the parade so jackie it wasn't. but it was great to see matt and we had a good talk today. HE DOESN'T HAVE A COMPUTER. i don't mean to throw shade; i just wonder how he commicates with the world. so i told him i would post his best wishes here for you. he's got a show coming up in february in chelsea which i insisted on being invited to. i love to dress up for an evening and have a good time!! i'll pick up some nice men for you and fedex them up and i'll slip any little paintings i like up my sleeve and send 'em up to you!! so it will be like you were there!!

guess what? they may have an evening of gay rollerskating back at the roxy. can i borrow your skates???

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thank g-d we got new year's out of the way and we can get back to real life! the news is good? the news is bad? i don't know. they're filming an episode of "law and order" outside my window and i'm hoping to see jerry orbach. no matter what is going on in the world, i focus on the important things. especially important is BARBARA JEAN MILLER! keep goin' on, my love, things can only get better!! i think of you all the time but especially when i walk by your doorway. lots of love coming your way from...the woman in black!
I had the craziest dream about you last night Barbara Jean. I just figured out why. I was walking by your doorway yesterday and of course I wanted to bang on the window to see if you would pop your head out. (I didn't though don't worry). But last night I had this dream...

I was talking to Sammy Jo. He and I were going camping. (Don't ask, it was a dream) We were of course talking about the latest records and I said, "Wait till you hear Bobby Miller's new record. He did a re-make of "French Kiss". I then hand him a record. It said...

FRENCH KISS
by BOBBY MILLER
produced bt THE MERLINATOR
re-mixed by DAVID MORALES

I said, It's really good, wait till you hear it".

Then you were there. I said, "Bobby, this record is really hot. You know you are going to have to do shows. You have to get better quick because you have to do the shows right away, you can't wait".
And you then pulled out this jet black wig (it looked like G-Spot's hair) and put it on. It looked hideous! (it looks great on G-Spot but a jet black shag didn't work for you). Then you said, "Don't worry hon, I got it covered." I turned to Sammy Jo and said, "Should we tell her"? He said, "No, let's not".
I woke up feeling all excited and happy about your new record and your new show biz success. I was kind of stunned by you in that wig though, it was so not you.
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Not so far off - Bobby Big Beams and Daddy -- I saw that CD actually quite recently myself in the odd hours ... although the CD was in the traditional album racks no? I caught it with more of a Deb vibe i.e. FKing in the USA -- oh Wells ...

Bobby, was so incredibly happy to read your fiesty personality coming back through on the boards -- genually the first sign of Spring I've seen. And I do believe the true darkness has been passed (about 4am, not last night but the night before). Cool

And today, B-Burg was booming at 10am with community and enthusiasm for fashion, art and fun, yes, fun, boring old fun, like the South End once was a decade ago and it's going to be a cool, cool, spring this year (albeit a few frigid spikes to remind us how unnatural this year is)...

OK enough weirdness out of me, back to work, left brain exit right ... Oh, Lex ... Click Me!
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I was talking to Francine 59 today. She said to send you her best. She told me about the first time she met you -on a hair stunt of some kind.
(I guess Moses needed a new do)

I also just left Matthew Benedict's studio (I'm going to be a pirate in a new painting he's doing) He said you two talked for hours the other day. He loved it.

Well, I'll give you more dirt when I fall in it.
At the cabaret/poetry launch on Wednesday. SO many people spoke of you, asked about you, are still finding out about this topic, remarked on how strange it felt to be doing readings without you, or how much you would love the fact that we were again doing readings.

Was wonderful to hear that new bit of strength in your voice when last we spoke.

Love, love, love
hey bobby. veronica is spending some time bonding with her stuffed animals, so i thought i'd drop you a line.

it's a sunny morning on jane street, though quite cold! i think i'll swing by to your neighbors' -- the crazy christmas ornament place -- to see if they have a funky canister set. mine is from college yet and in desperate need of an upgrade. that place fills me with a lot of joy, not least of all because it's right near your house.

james and i are thinking of you often. i find myself walking by your pad alot -- just looking at the darkened windows somehow makes me feel better, as if i can will the lights to come on and your gorgeous face to come walking out the door.

we hope you are feeling stronger every day. on a related note, veronica is getting LARGER every day. i can't wait for you to see her.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,
c, j and v
Sending you some love before I turn in for a few hours. I came across your card the other day when I was doing some cleaning, and I remembered when you gave it to me at "Good Cop/Bad Cop." That was such a fun night for me (thanks in part to Jackie Bigalow and a handy pair of handcuffs!). It was the first real conversation I had with you; believe it or not, I had actually always been too shy to say hi to you before - a little starstruck, really. You were perfectly filthy that night!
Hey hons, Just got back from having a MRI ( a surreal ride in a tube that x-rays your brain) in Hyannis. Every day seems to make me a little clearer and stronger but I am still feeling this meningitis. Wierd and strange my dreams are full of friends and angels and I wake up in the middle of my sleep convinced that there are aliens in the room. Funny thing/ When they took me to the hospital in full straight jacket ( yum) and admitted me to the hospital, It was recored that I was an acute delerium. Little did they know that is my normal state. I want a t-shirt from Daddy that sez A Cute Delerium.

Thank all of you for your continued support and postings. These boards make me laugh and cry. I miss you all.And the 10:00pm stop and think on Bobby is so powerful I can feel it. Who is doing the singing? I hear someone singing.

LOVE LOVE LOVE
Mommie Dearest,

Just want to send you some more love today. Thanks for our phone call earlier, we are keeping long distance in business these days! I want to remind you how much we all love and miss your shining presence. Merlin and I are heading over to Chi Chi's new party tonight, I haven't been out in a while so I am really looking foward to it. Just tap in cause' you will be right next to me, as you always are.

All my love, Jamie
i've been reading the boards and now i see that you're home! yippee!! nothing like sleeping in your own bed. by the way, there really are aliens all around. it's a good thing. they come to find out what parts of us they might want to take back with them--the good parts of course. they'll probably take a lot of you! you're a total good part. is it lovely in p'town now? do you have snow? i'm sure you're cozy and warm and i hope you're getting better every day. i'll keep reading the boards so i can see how you're doing and also to read the fantastic postings from your friends. xoxoxox
dear daddy,

wow, your dream captures the moment clearly. love that you and sammy jo, go cacooning to find your dj inspiration -- if only in your dreams.

(as a confirmation) when Bobby was waking up in the hospital after having been 'out' for a couple of days........ he turned to Basil and said, 'Yes, I know, Merlin is my producer and he owes me a check, where is it?'

'"Should we tell her"? He said,
"No, let's not".'

'Honey, she knows and does it anyway! Yah, can't stop her.' Mr. Miller is ready for his close-up, just as he is. even with his body in stress as he was over the New Years Holiday (ask Jamie), there was a majesty in his deportment that goes beyond the seeming 'ugliness of the moment'. Bobby has always celebrated and shared what is happening to him and that wig tells us he just hasn't finished his new look. LOL

'I woke up feeling all excited and happy about ......'

this sense of joy in your dream, despite the seeming dire circumstances, is part of the untold story of this mystery we call 'Bobby Miller Time'. this 10 PM lovefest flows like honey from our extended family for this fierce Poet Lover Juglar Guitar Playing Singing Hairdresser Performance Artist Photogapher and TransGender Everyman -- has been the surprise elixar that has turned the tide. this joy has helped someone struggling with life, live.

I take this dream as a shared moment, Daddy, we have all egged/cajoled/celebrated each other over the years as the Jackie/Mother Family. we are helping each othere with our intense love and interest in life and each other even when we are not aware of it, it is nice to take a moment to remind us as you have done.
Oh Daddy I wish I could hear your entire dream. I am tired today and full of what the hebrews call turis. A feeling of aggitation and anger but then I come to the boards and it all passes. Thank you everyone for your wonderful posts. They mean so much to me. It is snowing here and so beautiful. I am blessed with the love of a wonderful man who cares for me and looks after my every need. I miss you all and hope to see you in the spring. I am planning to do a show at The Slipper Room then and want to give back to all who are giving me their love now. More to come on that later.
So nice to hear from you Shelly and Merlin I don't remember signing you as my producer? But if you say so, where's my big advance. Send the check right away.
Love is the glue that holds the universe together. xxxBobby Wink
virtual reality can be so wonderful,
making us blood royals, wise, and strong,
showing us kind reflections
that a mirro might try to ignore.

so first, we think to pretend,
to practice what reality may become,
while it is in our hands to shape,
please, let us all dream on........

thinking of you Bobby and to the future
where we all belong.
Bobby,
Hi hons. It is nice to know you are getting some more fats on ya! Did you know fat makes estrogen? That's why ladies of a certain age get
their little storage pudge: to make some extra
for the long haul through the big M. You can't wig out yet and miss that ride. Sheee-it.

I tried to go out today and it was yes, like Antarctica. I was shocked to see
Balducci's is boarded up! Well last time I went there I couldn't even find my apricot tea. The new owners botched it, I guess. Can you believe it. The world is coming to an end.

I am sure you have everything you need, but if you can think of anything you might want from NY let me know. Hope your apartment is okay. Let me know if there is something needs doing.

Love,
Terence
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Princess Ra/ No, no black gowns just yet but I would look divine in one, I am at least a size 6. I appreciate your posts sooo much, LOVE

Daddy/ What extra pounds? I've seen your icon picture on the boards and I want that same tummy. But I am eatting like a horse and starting to gain some weight. I miss you very much too. And Mommy. LOVE LOVE LOVE

Stan/ Balducci's has shut down??? It is the end of the world. But not before that rat basterd Bush does his part to help it. Thanks for your concern about my apartment. I am looking to sublet my place for at least the next year. Keep that in mind if you will. The rent is cheap for the west village. Hope all is well for you. I am working on a play about queens ( the creatures not the town) with the help and guidence of Paula Vogel who wrote "The Baltimore Waltz" when I have the energy. Can't wait to see how it reads in it's entirety. Thank Goddess for spellcheck. LOVE LOVE LOVE
Bobby, I dreamt I was in my summer house (I don't have one) and you stormed in - in a pastel yellow polo shirt and white capris (the guy kind, I don't know what they're called)- with two of your friends I didn't know. Then you sat down and demanded I get some better food out here (at the table) "'Cause that's not what I ordered."
Bobby, I do love and respect you, but if I invite you to my summer house and fix you a special meal, you're gonna have to eat what I give you. Wink
sitting here with Faux Pas and reminiscing about our introduction to the fierce Miss Barbara Jean Miller. It was in the basement of Pyramid. and you said we needed to wear biger lashes. HA HA. Well we took heed, and the rest is herstory. Missing you, and soooo happy that 10:00 o'clock BOBBY TIME is warming your bones. So much love to you Bobby and cant wait to give you a good hug.
Faux Pas sends her affection and best regards.
Love Sweetie Big Grin
Hi Y'all..Cold here too but I am feeling better and I just found out that my viral load has dropped to zero...Still working on the T cells. I wish I could be there for the weds nite caberet, I have afew new poems up my sleeve.
Much worship to Paul Skiff, genius of word and sounds. Thanks Chi for that post.
Merlin arrives tonite for a week to Bobbyset while Daddy is away on bussiness.
I miss you all. I am slowly improving but have a long road ahead. Keep those prayers coming. I send them back to each of you tenfold and then some.

Love from PPTown,
Bobby xxx
It's 8am, Monday Morning, no one that would read this will be up for hours......

Arrived in Ptown, Saturday Evening, to the smells of Mr. Miller's cooking. Yep, he is watching the Food Channel and cooking up a storm-- the diner was delicious, Risoto and marinated chicken!

Kinda weird to be here when John is not around, miss him. Please take care of him while he is in nyc. He has a big unconditionally loving heart.

Daddy, Bobby is still gonna need help with that wig. HONEY! Hoping, this 'wildman look' is just a passing phase.... LOL. Amazing to see the change from the last couple of visits. Our love & good thoughts, his determination, and the Bobby Miller attitude towards life are turning the tide.

Caberet night is so much fun, sorry to have missed Paul Skiff last week.

From the front line......
The Merlinator
Hey Bobby I just resently joinedthe Mother board soI don't know if I'm even doing this right.I just resently found out your news and have been keeping you in my prayers. I also cameabout a photo of us from the Christmas show we did together.I would like to send it to you but I need to learn to use my scanner.I hope your feeling better getting some strenghth back. Kitty made me some great costumes for cabaret Now I just need some hair.I ILove you and really miss you and your cute butt.
Love Rabbit
Hey Bobby, Merlin and John

Sorry I missed that great dinner last night, but momma I'm sure you will be preparing a feast with all the trimmings for my arrival later this month. If you do I just might do a number for ya hon! But this girl hasn't been in drag for at least 8 months, so break out the makeup. Don't worry, my performance skills are still razor sharp, HA !!
Oh by the way, you should beware of your new producer the "Merlinator", he took me under his wing and all I got was a 3am gig at Now Bar, some queen has a party there (oops).
Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good time together. I must admit I am a bit jealous not being there, but my love for all of you just melts it away. How gay is that?

Love, Jamie

p.s You guys shoud check out my brand new Betty Page photo gallery on queenmother.com, designed by my new idol - the one and only Daddy. Bobby, you are featured with your poetry girlfriend Penny Arcade. Let me know what cha think. Roll Eyes
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bobby--i'm so sorry i haven't been writing. getting my life together--what else? tim told me that he had a good long talk with you and that you sounded wonderful. i'm so glad. i knew you would come back--it's not your time yet. g-d's just giving you some down time so you can reflect and learn. and of course she had to get your attention first! everything here is--well, it's new york! there's a beautiful snowstorm today so the city's prettier and quietier than it's been for a while. johanna's having relationship problems--what's a mother to do?? i have to go to l.a. to see her--you know how i love that. four days--that's my limit in that town. but here's the best news: they're going to have roller skating again at roxy!! thinking about starting a thursday night skating thing with a d.j. and all. i will keep you informed. if i ever get my act together and get a digital camera (maybe that's what i can do in l.a.! johanna's so good with these things!) i'll take pictures for you. thinking of you every day and saying my little prayers. xoxoxox to you and john. love, judith
Spent some time in Provincetown with Bobby and John last week. Mid winter snows, cold morning walks, long friendly conversations, great meals and major Judge Judy sessions daily.

There was a lovely ordinariness about this visit, as well as a sense of momentum for a future filled with promise and the love of friends. There is a soul re-blossoming in Ptown, whose physical stenght needs building everyday.

Patience and love are winning the day.

The Merlinator
Greetings! I hope you're feeling better - today was spectacular in the city - despite the news reports, I believe the masses of people who poured out from all over the place, clogging midtown east, numbered in the hundreds of thousands. Scott (who you haven't met - not many have, as I'm keeping him hidden) and I weren't able to make it further east than Third Ave., because of the crowds. Despite the cold, it felt really warm out there, among all that humanity. Terrific energy. I thought about you.

My favorite protest sign: "Drunk frat boy is driving this country into a ditch! Take him away from the wheel!"
I have been feeling the swell of energy (well, you know Ms. Miller, I'm partial to those kinds of metaphors) emanating from the day of 3/12 for over a month now, so recieving the bless of your appearance at Magique may have me -most suitably- incoherent. Being alive is not anyone's choice in the beginning, so it is, to say the least, sometimes hard to hold on to the universe out of which we all have come while on this planet. Wild fortune has me in Tokyo today (a long story, which like all long stories is kind of a puff of smoke compared to what's on the other side of the last page after the ending). But I have that part of my identity which knowing you made in me, to rely on, among a few other spiritstrengths, to rest each of my footsteps over here on. So it is really a loud anticipationlaugh I have knowing I will be able to dilute the exhaustion of a 13 hour plane ride with your upcomming offering at Chez, among the crowd that totally knows how to blast-off with you.
It was a brilliant night last Wednesday at Chez, as I knew it would be. Beforehand I was so exhausted, right up until the last second before the car service pulled up downstairs I almost didn't make it out of my bed. But the instant I walked into Chez *boom!* it all hit me, a heavy dose of glamour and genius in one fell swoop. I'm so glad I dragged my tired skinny ass out of bed. Bobby, you were GREAT and your new work is some of the best I've ever heard from you. I WILL NOT CRY!

your fan,
LEX
Crackers? Merlinator don't serve crackers, honey! lol. Gonna have to get some new party receipe books, seems we served the same thing more than once to the same crowd. need a new chef around here;-)

In light of the goodness Mr. Miller, is now feeling, and the love that so sweetly surrounds him and helps in the healing process; Mr Miller looked around while sitting at the Cafe, and asked with a quizical face what's all the fuss about? 'Maybe I am wrong,' he said, 'but, it just doesn't seem that bad looking back on it.' Basil and Jamie set him straight. it was bad, but look at all the love that came from it.

yah can't help but love someone that sees the good in everything.
I recieved your phone message my pet. It was wonderful hearing your voice. You sound like a 14 year old girl, fine lady! I think before you consider performing at HIGH LIFE, you should check the place out. It is it's own brilliant animal, but it is a Saturday night affair, and has 500 fags with the attention span of a house fly. 15 minutes of colorful, high energy razzle dazzle in a show is about as long as they can hold on before they start fidgeting. I have a very hard time booking talent, because ANYTHING remotely cerebral, and they start to meltdown. Perhaps however since the space is sooo fabulous for performance, we could book an early Bobby Miller performance very much like how are promoting NINA HAGEN. A select group of people coming early, getting a great dose of fabulousness and either sticking around or flying off to the next destination. I would love to host your work Miss Miller. We just need to package it properly for mass consumption!!! I love the idea of an early affair, complete with reception and a chit chat with the artist known as Barbara Jean Miller. Advance tickets. the whole shebang!!!!! I can see the headlines.......
"Coma Cutee Comes Back With A Vengeance!!" OK OK so I never have been one for subtlety. Let's get crackin'!!! Big Grin Eek Big Grin Eek Big Grin Eek Big Grin Eek
quote:
Z & S Yes I will be there and performing too I believe. I look forward to meeting you both. Have a safe trip to NYC. Luv and Peas, Bobby


Cheers Bobby, I'm very glad to hear you will be in town for the Arcadia! event. I have been waiting so long to meet you! Was hoping we'd bump into one another randomly on some dance floor ... Please email me ...
Holly woodlawn is in a coma... at Cedar sinai after collapsing in her LA home... they say its due to alcoholism... beams to Holly...

-I digress- Holly Johnson from Frankie Goes to Hollywood stole his name as homage to the above ms Woodlawn fyi... sure y'all realized that.. (his real name is Billy Johnson or ...Billy Hollygay)

Get well Legend Holly Woodlawn!
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That is very sweet of you to say Marc, but I no longer live in New York. I have resided in Provincetown, Massachusetts for two years now. But I do visit often. Perhaps we will see each other at those times. So happy to hear about your film doing so well in Spain. I wish you continued good luck. Love and Peace.
Well it's been awhile and neither I nor Holly Woodlawn are in a coma.

But I would like to say thank you to all the many people who beamed me back to health and abundance. Those of you who took the time to think on me and send your beams of love.
It worked big time. And to Sweetie for starting the beams and keeping them coming when I really needed them most. Thank you my dear. Thank you Empress and Daddy for your continued love and support. Thank each and every one of my beloved friends for your positive enforcement of my perfection. I owe my very life to each of you.

It is so great to be alive and healthy.
I know I haven't been on the boads lately but I have to send not just beams but planets and the universe to Bobby, whatever the situation!One day I shall raid your photo collection, and pay you in Westwood, name it you can have it(well, except the couture pieces)!!!! I miss you terribly, still, even after all these years, and I think of you every day.
All the love in the world.

Julian
Thank you Joe.
I want that hat please.

I have just returned from my father's funeral. It was a beautiful celebration of his life and I learned so much. My family are fine. I got to see my mother's grave site as we buried my dad. It is in a small wooded private graveyard in the shadow forest of Mt. Baker in Washington State. Surrounded my ancient trees and a moss covered meadow with wild flowers. A small blind mouse came out of the underbrush and rolled playfully near the grave stone. Several of us looked closely at it and one boy picked it up and petted it as the small circle of family and friends weeped. The mouse stayed for the entire ceremony, even after he was set back down on the ground he continued to dance around my mothers gravestone and watched my brothers and I shovel the earth back into my fathers grave. We all thought it a sign that my father was now happy.

I am glad to be home here in Provincetown;

Thank each of you who posted your sympathies
and warm wishes to me both here on these boards and on my Myspace page as well.

I hope to see you all sometime soon.
Sending beams of love to each of you.
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