Craigslist !!!

This was a post from today.
What the hell is this about?

quote:

I Met Paul Newman Yesterday! It Was So Weird! - 33 (Upper East Side)

I was in Connecticut at this supermarket and who do I see? Paul Newman! I was so thrilled to see him that I went to the salad dressing aisle and picked up a bottle of his dressing. I politely approached him - his blue eyes are even more dazzling in person - and asked if he would autograph my dressing. He looked at me coldly, took the bottle of dressing, opened it, and drank the whole thing in like ten seconds. He then wiped his mouth on his sweater sleeve and said, "Let's see Redford do that."

Just then, Joanne Woodward came over to him with a package of pork chops. "Honey, what do you think of these chops?" He said, "Screw those chops. I want your chops!" He then grabbed Joanne and began kissing her violently. "Paul, you smell from vinaigrette," she protested.

I asked Mr. Newman if he was feeling okay and he said, "Kid, I just drank a whole bottle of salad dressing. I feel fan-[expletive]-tastic!"

I asked if I could have an autograph and he said he stopped giving autographs after a guy peed on him in a men's room. I told him I really admired his work and would love just one autograph. He then unzipped his trousers and proceeded to urinate on me. I put my soiled pants on eBay - the current high bid is $6,500. Imagined if he did #2? I'd be rolling in it.

Or this?

quote:

PUSSY EXAM
We are looking for white men who need their man pussy examined. All men should have this exam on a regular basis. You just lie back while we put on our rubber gloves and give you a probing pelvic examination. We can use speculums or dildos if you wish. Just let us open, probe and examine your cunt. If this is something you have fantasized about having done, now is the time to fulfill it. Email for an appointment. NO pics available.

quote:

Easy money for a Cute female CHESS player

I get turned on by smart girls.

I'm also a beginning chess player trying to get better.

Come play chess with me, while in the nude. If you beat me, I'll give you $250. If not, well at least we both got in a good game and I got some eye candy. Maybe we can play multiple times. I play white.

Me: attractive, laid-back, professional i-banker, 30s. Very discreet - you should be too.

Yes, this is a real ad! (please send a pic, tell me your age and experience level)

Men have pussies? No wonder some gay guys love rimming! LOL

OK, Here we go.
This is what I'm talking about... GENIUS!!!!

quote:

My Wife Looks Like Nathan Lane - We Seek a Matthew Broderick Lookalike - 41 (Murray Hill)

My wife Cherry and I are want to spice up our marriage. My wife has often been told that she bears an uncanny resemblence to Nathan Lane. Once, we were coming out of the theater after seeing a play, and several people requested her autograph, saying, "Oh, Mr. Lane, we loved you in 'The Producers.'"

We would like to find a Matthew Broderick lookalike and do some kinky role play. We live in the Murray Hill Towers and would like to host you. When you walk in, "Springtime for Hitler" will be playing. We will then go to the living room and eat cheese and talk about Chevy Chase's failed career.

We will then go to the master bedroom and you and my wife will read a scene from "The Odd Couple" while I masturbate using a large wooden avocado.

Please send pic, stats, and location. Serious only - non-smokers need not apply. We are tolerant of Jews.

Oh I love love love this.... just beautiful and the sick thing is I BET it's REAL~!

I'm sure it's their version of a P.L.O.P. but who cares.
Like Mrs. P.L.O.P., I WANT to believe it's real.
I NEED to believe it's real.

Nathan Lane is awesome. However these people are SICK! I wonder if Mr. Lane is attached to someone.

I wanna know more about the avocado.

I wished I had saved the post from one of my ALL TIME favorite CraigsList freaks. He was a married, jewish professional who was seeking the company of a mild mannered Asian lady. He was hoping they could get together at his place while his wife was away, smoke a couple of joints and then binge on EXLAX. He wanted to then lead her to a huge Persian rug in the living room and hold hands with her until they both were able to shit at the same time. He wanted to hold her hands while they both took a big dump on the rug and then roll it up together and put it out on the street. The lady HAD to be Asian and they both HAD to be able to shit at the same time. GORGEOUS!!

What so weird about that?
I rike Jew man.
They clazy.

I like Jews ans Asians, an equal opportunity lover.

Had to get my little dose of CL tonight...

Bald Headed Transvestite Humper Wanted!

I'm looking for a wig-wearing guy from Bellport Village who likes non-passable transvestites and tells people he is married when he is actually very gay. He lives somewhere on South Country Road in the Village of Bellport, and drives a silver car. He's Italian and is around 60 years old and not very attractive.


* Location: Bellport Village
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

quote:

likes non-passable transvestites

Hmmm
I know one.

Daddy, I believe you have a whole new lease on life via Craig's List, what with their terrific niche factor...

So now I know where my large wooden avocado went... Sigh, for the glory days of the Whipshack. And I'd even had a special case made for it.

Wonder if my miniature guillotine for crushing penises will show up there?

The guillotine is now in use at Gracie Mansion.

Holy crap why am I only now just discovering this topic....nobody TOLD me! As said before, even if it is plopping it is such great reading I don't care. Too bad the lady had to be asian though.

You're only discovering it now Isla because you live out of a suitcase!!!!!

You and The Scissor Sisters travel more than anyone I know. You're like the bird flu.

Are you skiing Isla?

No but I am.
Looking for some company too.
A little Pump and Dump before I go out to the clubs.

I really like the "missed connections" on CL. Today's gem:

UNICORN DVD 28th and 8th - m4m - 34 (Chelsea)
Reply to: pers-308139475@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-08, 10:31AM EDT


a few nights ago i was high and went to the booths, horny to suck some cock.
i bumped into a blk dude with sunglasses, dressed like a rapper, his dick had cologne on it.
he fed me his hardon through the gloryhole and then later i slipped into his booth with him and sucked him off and made him nut.

if this was you, i want to suck you again.
i can meet you there or you can come to my apt nearby.

if you remember this, tell me what booth we were in so i know its you.
any other big dicked blk hood/thug types need sucked, you can hit me up too.

quote:

his dick had cologne on it.

Doesn't everyone's?

Not mine. But do you really think it had cologne on it or was it as Justin's cousin once so politely put it, "They just smell difernt down there."?

Can someone please post more CL shenanigans? I love reading this forum.

Here's someone that I'm very interested in meeting.

quote:

Horny Teacher Seeks Curious Student for Sex Ed. Xtra Credit

I see you staring at my big breasts instead of at the blackboard. I look down and notice the huge bulge rising in your khakis. I daydream for a moment of what it would be like to sample the hard flesh straining inside your pants. The bell zapsme back to reality. The rest of the class leaves and you linger a bit. You are nervous to stand up because of how hard your big cock is and how obvious your excitement. I smile and wink. After all you are over 18 and a young man in college. You can make your own decisions. I ask you if you are interested in earning some extra credit for the semester. You blush and nod your head yes as you see my eyes hanging crotch level with your huge erection. I invite you to my apartment for a little one on one instruction. Interested in making the grade? Get back with a pic and be available TONIGHT. Sexy, mature shemale, 5ft11, thick, voluptuous, 44d, blonde hair, green eyes, sexy legs, fat ass. BE OVER 18, hot, hung and under 25 yrs old.

i want to get down and dirty like the girl in the pics. i'm a guy seeking a guy who would get off making me do the same nasty things the girls are doing in his own nasty toilet, a hotel room toilet or even better a public restroom, if you had after hours access to one. i also have some trailers available that you can view to give you a better idea of the kind of treatment i desire.


YOU MUST BE ABLE TO HOST in your nasty bathroom, a hotel toilet or public restroom where no one will walk in on us. You must be willing to make me do all the nasty things the girls are being made to do in these pics and vids. please respond with a description of yourself, including your race and what area of the city the toilet, restroom or whatever is located. you do not have to be good looking and i don't care if your fat or whatever, but i would just like to have an idea of what you look like before we connect. i do not send my pics but don't expect you to send yours either. i'm a slim average looking white guy with an athletic body weighing about 145 pounds, clean shaven 45 years old but I look like i am in my 30's. late night fun is always a plus. this can be a one time nsa or on going.


toilet bathroom cock balls whore girl pussy sissy slut pig raunch cum load sperm freak scat shit lick suck rim blow dick cunt pee degrade dominate diaper ripe dirty perv lick rim drink piss hole fuck gape gag swallow assemail this posting to a friend

damn I could have used him in the back bathroom at Rapture tonight with the blood and feces.

Rupaul has this new song (maybe not out yet) called "Computer Love". It's all about Craig's List. It is her best song since Supermodel! It is hysterical and like "Supermodel" really captures the moment, the whole on-line sex thing.
I love it.

No Fats, No Fems, No Chelsea Fags
No Pics Collect, No Email Texts
No Fats, No Fems, No Chelsea Fags
No Pics Collect, No Email Texts

Because I'm searching, searching
Searching for some love
Computer love

Can you host?
I can host
Can you host?
I can host
Can you host?
I can host...
I need to travel

Another lonely night
staring at the screen
One hand on the mouse
The other in my jeans

Anonymous Pump & Dump
Must Be Discrete
8 by 6 and Black Uncut
I'm on my knees

I'm not doing justice to it.
But it's hysterical.

Oooops!
Mr. Joe posted this genius Craigslist ad from last night but I deleted it by mistake.
I'll try and re-create it.

quote:

I want my wallet back - m4m - 22 (East Village)
Reply to: pers-339224019@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-27, 10:29AM EDT


I met you on 3rd and avenue D last night.
You had a 40 in one hand and a gun in the other.
Can I have my wallet back?
It has my driver's licsence in it you know where I live.

Brilliant.
But Mr. Joe...
But did you catch this answer post an hour later from a certain Messy Bonnie Raitt?

quote:

You should know better honey - m4m - 64 (East Village)
Reply to: pers-53674893087@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-27, 11:45AM EDT


Honey,
What the hell was you thinkin' was gonna happen to you on 3rd and avenue D last night...
meet up with Lindsay fuckin' Lohan?

No you can't have your wallet back.
I sold it already for another 40.

And yes,
I know where you live.

Hey!
That computer shit is sposed to be private.

bah!

wait...
so now bonnie's posting on craigslist, too?!?!?
werk.

Yeah, Bonnie's on ""The List".
But did you catch...

quote:

64 (East Village)

M4M missed connection of the day:

AT&T Iphone line -- aka madhouse - m4m - 33
Reply to: pers-363731153@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-30, 12:49PM EDT


Hey. You were the guy in the maroon t-shirt. I was wearing a white sweatshirt and an orange t-shirt. I actually thought you were really hot. I dug the fact that you were reading a book... you seemed smart. That's cool.

But... why do you smoke?!? Would you give it up if we hit it off?

I nearly struck up a conversation with you, it just didn't seem like an ideal time and place... a smelly alleyway in Astoria, surrounded by what turned into a downright madhouse... crazy.

Plus I felt shlumpy and gross after waiting on line all day.

Anyway. I could tell that you were cool. I'm in Astoria... let's get a drink or coffee sometime. Hope to hear from you.

AT&T Iphone line...

I'm impressed.

here's what we get in our local missed connections:


>Farting man at Tyrone Mall - m4m
>Reply to: pers-343602348@craigslist.org
>Date: 2007-06-02, 6:51PM

I was looking for the guy who ripped the big fart today at JC Penney at Tyrone Mall.
I am not gay but your fart did stink.
You had a Lou Reed shirt on.

God I love that post. The layers....it could be it's own forum I think. There's at least a semester's worth of material...

Ripped fart (implying one that lasts longer than 10 seconds), JC Penney, Tyrone Mall (gary), not gay, Lou Reed (I'm pretty sure there's some LR scat story I was told by Danny Fields).

I know this is not proper CL forum stuff but did anyone get into this story last week about Foxy Brown and her false mugging report. According to police files....

"...Brown was dragged from her vehicle and then punched and kicked and had part of her weave ripped out. The women snatched a Louis Vuitton handbag, $500 in cash, credit cards, necklaces and hearing aid...."

Sorry, what?

This makes me so proud. Feels like we've really arrived when we hit the missed connections:

black guy at counter of rapture cafe - m4m - 26 (East Village)
Reply to: pers-369567072@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-08, 11:07PM EDT


we caught each other's eyes a few times, i was the asian dude with the blue stripe polo. wanted to come over and say hi but was with three girl friends.

hit me up.