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I'm goin' back on Friday! This will be my fifth year!

For anyone who's interested, last year I spent 5.5 weeks in Thailand and I kept a little journal of observations. Topics covered include the elabrate Thai drag shows, the constant spooking of trannies EVERYWHERE, the amazing cheap food, the giant wooden phalluses, etc. You can find it under: Motherboards.com->Front Door->Best of the Motherboards->Miss Understood's Hi From Thailand.

These photos are:
1)My $10 beach bungalow
2)A float in the Chiang Mai Flower Parade
3)Same parade, a little boy in full makeup on a pony. It's something historical I think.
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"The first time I lay eyes on you I fancied us an a little one" but unfortunately I'm a pig that has to feed it's trough. I would love to be married to your mind and your spirit though because it so does intrest me(you sick motherf'r) I had no idea you were here since 1987.I really liked what you said about michael alig etc. I only shook his hand a few times I couldn't really add to anything.
Enjoy thailand to the fullest......I hope I see you out soon!!

Christopher
I don't think Miss minds people talking about her...it's when they STOP talking that you've got to worry. And I don't think she's there yet--she's still on the plane!

Speaking of who he looks like, he told me that in high school he was often told he looked like John "Ducky" Crier. I got the same thing--but me & Miss do not look at all alike. I guess it was a polite 80s way of saying:

"You are gay."
It's like 1AM and I'm in an open-front Internet cafe on Khao San Road. KS Road is... hmmm, Like St. Marks Place meets Mortville crossed with an amazing eclectic flea market with lots of hippie/punky clothing and accessories,bootleg CDs, and food vendors. Add thousand Aussie/Euro backpackers with dreadlocks. I wouldn't stay on this street, too noisy, but it's comforting to be near it. Oh, and between my hotel and here I've spooked 4 trannies.

A lot visitors who want to "keep it real" might shun it the way some of our friends might shun St Marks, but for a tourist neighborhood is earthy, convenient, fun, and cheap. The other tourist ghetto is all gossy hotels. It's slick and boring. This area is full of hidden alleyways chock full of cheap shopping and great snacks. I just had a fresh-n-spicy chicken satay for about 25 cents.

I'm still all zombified from the grueling plane ride. But the night weather is that rare perfect comfortable breeze.
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I'll probably read up on it at some point, but I do think that it just goes back a ways in their culture. I'm not saying that there's no discrimination at all. Trannies actually CANNOT get female IDs here, which they can in the States. But in general, everybody is used to them and pretty much lets them be. Maybe that's not true in rural areas, I'm not sure.

TV here airs major drag pageants. They also do that in Brazil. I've never seen it in the U.S. except for some lame Jenny Jones type thing.

So, even though surgery is cheap here, and even though lipo sounds tempting, I'm exploring more natural alternatives. There's this great place with a cleansing fast program. No food and colonics for days!! I might try it:
http://www.spasamui.com
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For your information, the Thais rarely use soy sauce as a seasoning... they use FISH sauce! Mmmmmmmmm..

It's only my 2nd day. I haven't hit the bars yet. When I get on this day schedule I just can't do nightlife. I'll get there. I should go hit the bathhouse. It's really fancy looking. For here it's expensive: $5. You can live in it for $20 a day! I like it, but not that much. Hey, maybe Dirty Martini should stay there and be there and be their Bette Midler! I'd love to see a lady stripper in a gay bathhouse! Check it out:
BABYLON WEBSITE

I forgot how much I just love wandering around this city. I love the most plain old 14th-Street-esque shopping areas. The whole city is like a buffet. Everywhere you turn there's a food cart with some exotic snack for 25 cents. It's like snacking at an exotic cocktail party all day. I keep making it a point to try weird looking things that I may have been put off by oor ignored in the past. It's usully just some kind of fruit.

Last year the big knockoff item was fake Sprouse bags. This year it's much cuter: fake Paul Frank! Monkeys everywhere!
I've been there before. It looks like some crazy Mary westerner did that site for them. It's not really an accurate description. It's just a nice place. It's very lush. There's a courtyard bar that's just so tropical and nice. Al; the nookie happens in the cubicals. The Thai have this modesty thing. Like in the locker room they'll put on the towel before they pull their pants down. Also, if they drop the towel to get in the jacuzi (sp?), they'll cover their weenies while they step in.

Last year I fooled around with this guy and then, the next day, I saw him in the paper. He's the big gay avant garde artist...probably the only one in the country. That's not a big thing here. Why do people like up always find eachother, even if we're just in a towel.

I've been too busy compulsively fabric shopping. I know I come home with nice outfits, but getting it together is hard work. Today I shopped in the Indian Market. It's very hot crowded and I the minute I buy anything bulky I get stuck carrying around. It's physically uncomfortable but soooo fascinating. This city is full of markets that are all so different from eachother. This one, like the others, is a never ending maze of mysterious shops.

Indian people here speak perfect English so it's very easy to navigate. I found a gorgeous little sari shop and I went nuts. They're always nice if I show them a drag photo and tell them it's for me.
I got:
-a Green skirt with a sari attached trimmed in gold sequins
-Same in pink
-A whole matching red ensemble consisting of a top, wide pants with a drapey skirt thing that goes over it and a little scarf thing, trimmed in gold sequins.
-The same thing in orange.
-4 sheer red net things with gold sequiny things all over them. I might have something made from it.
-a silly looking male crown thing... you'd have to see it.
-a glitzy little hair thing...again, you'd have to see it.

Total: $100

Not bad. Some label fag would pay that for Diesel jeans. Still...do I really need four sari outfits? Yes, I do.

I also got some silly pink fabric with gold lame flowers to have a lady-suit made. And I got...you don't need to hear all this.

To make up for all of this impulse spending I'm eating all of my meals in the cheap outdoor places.

Hey, here ar sites for the big drag shows I talked about last year. I want to try to go again. They're in another town;
ALCAZAR ABARET
TIFFANY CABARET

You say "Cabalay" in thailand and everyone knows you mean a big glitzy drag extravaganza!
Not to disappoint anyone, but I'm not really a chicken hawk. Lately I've actually been into daddy types.
BUT
I met this 21 year old from Viet Nam (that's how they write it in Asia) online. Now, not only am I going to his town (Saigon) at the end of my trip, but he's also visiting Thailand while I'm here. We're basically traveling in circles will only meet for 2 days. He's going to Pattaya where those big drag shows happen. I made plans to go with him to the shows. Now, should I plan on 1 room or 2. Hmmmm.
The nails are gorgeous. I brought home a box of them to give as gifts one year. I need new ones for Kelly Webb. Hers got lost in the fire. If she wants a date with a certain nail obsessed crossdresser she needs some new ones!

I'm actually doing a lot of boy clothes in tailor shops. It's cheaper than off the rack at home! Shh, don't tell everyone about my secret fetish. I like to wear mens clothing. Actually, I have on men's jocky shorts RIGHT NOW!
I keep seeing little funny things that I always forget to tell anyone.

I was in this crazy crowded market today. Bangok has so many of these and they all have a different feel... but they're all narrow and mobbed. Then people walk through pushing food carts! But you know, the locals are just so used to it. Thay never bug out. In the US we expect everything to be comfortable all of the time. My friend has a very small shop on 2nd Ave, and customers will actually tell him to turn the air up or to change the music. This is a tiny shop that they will be in for 5 or 10 minutes! You know those dykes who like to have a "fragrance free zone?" Well, they think they're all granola, but I think it's really a sign of their western privilage that they even have time to think up such things. I'm guilty too. See the "Smokeless NYC" board.

So anyway, a big seller here:
Baby tees with the 7-11 logo or graphics of
McDonalds french fries! Junk food is hip and trendy. It's not cheap enough here to be mundane. They didn't all grow up on it.

Oh, knock off names. My tailor is the "A. R. Mani Boutique"! In the train station there's a "Coffeebucks". By the beach last year I saw the "Harry Potter Hair Salon".
I'll try to remember some more.
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I haven't ever encountered a dangerous situation. I'm sure that, just like in NY, if you're careless in crowd ou can get pickpocketed or something. But as for violence, I never see it. Confontation is frowned upon in Thai culture. In five long trips here I think I only saw a loud argument once.

In the US, the scariest thing is packs of 16-25 year olds. Young people can be evil when they're in a group. I never ever get that vibe off people here. People are very friendly and easygoing.

As for prostitution, there's tons of it. Most of it is in the red light district. Still, there is a lot of Western sugar-daddyism everywhere. It's very common to see a 50-80 year old Australian sitting with a 20 year old man, woman, or tranny. As for underage, while I'm sure it does go on, it's not out in the open. They have laws against it too. Well, they also have laws against prostitiution. They like to occasionally raid the hooker places. They also make them pay off people.

Last year there were a lot of raids on hooker places and gay bars, but they all still thrive and are very out in the open. I think it's all about money.

Hey look at the escort pages in the Voice. I guess in NY hey're more concerned with keeping them off the streets.

Hey, I went to Babylon last night. I forgot nice and cozy it is.

More Observations:

-Thais love anyything menthol. They eat Halls like we eat mints. They sell these cute little gold things, like a tiny salt shaker with a lid, full of menthol and herbs, that are just for sniffing. It's just for refreshment, no high. Wrigleys even makes "vapour gum" that you can buy at any 7-11 here. I'm getting hooked on it.

-Remember how we always heard that Eskimos rub noses? It may be true, because that's sort of a prelude to kissing here. If you get jiggy with a Thai guy, they do this thing where they act like they're kissing you, your face, neck, etc. But they just sort of rub and sniff a little. It's sexier than it sounds. After doing that for a while then they give you a tight mouth kiss, then comes the real thing. It's like foreplay to kissing. I have to remember to ask the Chengs girls if thats common in other parts of Asia.
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I had a friend who was Vietnamese(sp?)who, before kissing me on the check "hello" she would gently grab my face rub her cheek against mine then take a deep breath to sniff me - literally like one would a flower, I thought it was very flattering and charming (and something of a turn-on but, with "westerners" what is'nt? ha, ha.. ).
In her culture this is how you greeted someone you loved, a beloved friend, family ect. Very sweet indeed. I miss her.....

Gi-Gi
p.s. I know you're the Queen of sequins, but I bet you look awfully cute romping around that little bungalow in your Bvds!
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That's sweet of you Gigi. To bad I'm not into poontang these days. I keep getting compliments from girls.

So, I'm in a towel in the bathhouse. Tonight is the big Chinese New Year party. I was hanging out with a friend of a friend of a friend who said it's good to come during the day, so we got here at 4PM. It is nice actualy. There's so much outdoor area that it's like being in a fancy resort. I feel SO much less self conscious in a towel because so many of the honkys here are geriatric. The party doesn't start for hours, but I'll fiddle on the Internet, drink, eat, etc. I'll let you know what nookie comes my way! Thai guys are VERY sexy if you didn't know. We don't have a lot of them in NY, so maybe you don't.

At the entrance they had 3 drag queens in Chinese costumes. I'll post the photo later. I wish I could take pictures inside. It's very swanky,but still cozy, very clean, with lots of nice design and foliage.
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Okay, it's now 8:30 PM. I'm drunk so excuse any misspellinssssezz. I love it here! My hair is tipped in blue... maybe it helps me be to be a freak magnet. There was this sexy, sort of husky guy at the bar. He had that meaty nice body that's muscley, but not too obnoxiously toned... and he had LOTS of tattoos! That's very unusual here. And when you do see it, it's not in the gay crowd. He was born in Laos and grew up in Northern Thailand. He went to college in England, so he had this weird accent, Thai mixed with British. His name was "Slut." Everyone here goes by short nicknames. The real name is usually something cumbersome like Rachdakaplakaporn Surmatetarumpumtum, so they all have one syllable nicknames. His is "Slut". We had fun. Yes, some Asian men ARE well hung, especially husky boys like Slut. He had "Rebel" tatooed on his arm. That's so cute to see here! He really was some sort of local freak. Nobody here looks like that!

The special party price was high for Thailand, about $8. It includes 2 free drinks and some free Dim Sum... that's Chinese, not Thai, but it's Chinese New Year sill

[This message was edited by Miss Understood on 01-31-03 at 09:12 AM.]
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I'm staying in the Euro/Aussie slacker tourist area. It's cheap and fun, but pretty far from the gay strip. I finally found out where there's a gay club near here and I went last night. They actually gave me a little look up and down at the door,grilled me about ID, etc. I realized why when they decided I was okay and let me in. I was the only non Asian in the packed club! That's very unusual here...at least from what i've seen so far. There are some very mixed bars full of guys who want white trade/sugar daddies etc. Then I've gone to places that are largely, but not exclusively Thai. This was different. I guess it's just off the obvious track for most tourists.

The format is nothing like we have at home. Everyone stands around cocktail tables with small groups and order bottles. I didn't know how to order a single cocktail, and it was too loud to ask anyone. It looks like a dance place, but you just dance at your table. Luckily I made a friend quickly or I would have felt really awkward. If there was a show I missed it. I'm sure there was one. I think everyplace here has a show.

In a few days I'm going to see this show on a floating theater on the riverfront sponsored by the princess. I went last year. It's very pageant meets theme park. That one was all about Thai history, battles on elephants, etc. They did a lot of special effects with spraying water and projections. At one point this lady grew taller (on a hydraulic lift) and her dress was just streams of water coming from her waist. I'll steal that when I get a backer for my fantasy drag show! There were hundreds of extras, it was very pretty.

This years show is something mythological. I passed the theater and the set looks like stone and caves. I'll tell you all about it.
Asia loves color. Pink and green are everywhere, and I don't just mean on the Hello Kitty products. Chinese, Japanese, and Thai graphic, package, and industrial design is full of that candy apple green color that I live for! At home I'm the last person to ever notice a car or a bus, but here I snap photos of them. The regular busses are apple green. There's some sort of long distance busses that are orange with a big "Mod Era" looking stripe. There are pink and purple cars. I took a picture of a batch of refrigerators in a shop. They were pink,red, green...one had the NY skyline on it!
Even in a temple they surround Buddha with bubble gum pink flowers, candles, and fabrics!
I see all colors everywhere... without acid. Just Pink and green are just especially prominent. In the U.S. the trend for color in product design is FINALLY returning thanks to the late 90's IMAC. All of a sudden there are colorful boom boxes and telephones. I wish they didn't all have to look like a tranclucent jelly, but it's better than the black and beige of the last two decades. How I long for an avacado refrigerator!

The reason I'm not going on and on about how there are trannies EVERYWHERE in Thailand is because I'm trying hard not to repeat last years posts. So, if you wanna hear all about it, go to "Best of the Motherboards" under "Front Door." It is really easy not to notice all of the trannies, because sometimes they really dress down. Especially if they're just waitressing.

I'm currently working on starting an online retail business so i want to begin to dabble in importing stuff from here. Things are very cheap, but the process of getting everything home is still something I need to explore. For those of you familiar with the East Village, you know those hip-but-pricey boutiques like Lanceloti and Alphabets(the fancy side)? You can find all of that stuff here for beans. Still, shipping and reselling it is a whole other chore.
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I was delighted to find this year's edition of your Thailand topic in full swing on my recent return to the Mothership. Last years Thailand topic (now on Best of the Motherboards for posterity) was one of my favorite travelogues on any vc - and I do read quite a bit.

So report on Miss Understood - we shall be peering into a thousand screens and monitors, cheering you on. And keep on shopping without guilt: You are doubtless keeping many nimble fingers happy and well fed.

kudos,
uly
I'm in Pattaya, the flashy trashy beach town with the giant drag shows I spoke of, ALcazar and Tiffany. I just went to both. Wow. Wow. Wow. These shows are multiple orgasms for costume lovers. They are overdone beyond belief! It's Vegas in Asia on a sugar rush! Yes, lots of pink and green. There are girls rising from the floor, flying through the air; name a stage effect, they do it. I want to drag all my friends here just to see these extravaganzas! I could see you all squealing wit delight.

I know I said all this last year but I can't help going on about it. These tranny revues are famous all over Asia. They are Thailand's glitziest form of entertainment. Everyone's either been to one or seen them on TV. They are both in HUGE thousand seat theaters, they do 3 shows a night, 7 days a week, and they're PACKED! They each take place in palatial Liberace-esque venues with big neon street signs. Lot's of fountains, columns, and dramatic lighting. Before each show there's a mad rush of people flowing out of rows and rows of tour busses. Lots of people bring the kids. The are all there to see hot tittie queens parading around in amazing fantasy wear, much of it based on traditional costumes from different Asian countries.

After the show we wandered across the street. There's a big open area with outdoor bars, each a vestibule with it's own name, full of hookers lounging around. In the center is a stage with a never ending lip sync show. It's like the low rent version of the show across the street, you know, if you just wanna get drunk and get laid!
I looked for Messy B.R. but she was no where to be found.
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Today is the 1st day of my "Cleansing Fast". I've had 2 days of "Liver Cleansing" during which I had to drink the "Liver Cleanse" drink which tasted like marinade.

Today I have to drink the "detox" drink and go for a you-know-what. I must cleanse my colon of over a decade of swallowed glitter lipstick.

I'll pass the time reading. So far I've read Carol Channings "Just Lucky I Guess" and "Auntie Mame." Those are two people I can really identify with! Now I'm readng "Weird Like Us".
Koh Samui ('koh" means island) is a large somewhat developed island. Certain areas have flashy hotels, but where I'm staying it's still somewhat lazy and cozy. I'm not actually sleeping at the place where I'm doing my cleansing fast, they were full. I'm right across the road. In the past when staying at Thai beaches I'd rented a cute little bungalow, like the one in the picture I posted. This time, I have a really big one, about 3-4 times the size. This one even has hot water and a refrigerator. Big whoop, all I can put in there is water!

But get this. You won't believe me but it's $9 a night. They generally rent them out on a montly basis for $7 a night but I have to pay extra since I'm a short term guest. I swear to you it's totally cute. There's nothing bad about it. It's just thet $9 is a lot more here. It's only when you go to a corporately owned place, like a big hotel, that you get ripped off.

Up the road is a luxurious little spa with private villas thet are really lush and designed. They're about $100-$150 a night.That's way out of my budget, but it's pretty wild that for the price of a blah room at home you could have this fancy villa!

Anyway, it's my 2nd day with no food and I'm bugging a little. I will savor my bowl of clear broth and 2 coconut waters as if they were a gourmet feast.
This fasting is no vacation! I just finished my 3rd day and I feel like I've been doing it for a month! Can you imagine how stange it would sound to an person who is poor and hungry that Westerners will pay money to someone to starve them? Gee, what if I lose weight and my new clothes don't fit?

Oh, by the way, I'm constantly running into European and Australian travelers that are HORRIFIED with our war mongering shit-for-brains president! Being from America has NEVER been more embarassing.
Hey Alex, I'm still jealous of your trip there. Well, except for the fasting part. If I were there I'd have a nice big plate of BBQ shrimps, some vegetable curry, some papaya salad, mango with sticky rice and a beer to wash it down. Wheee! As for being embarrassed about being an American, just get some maple leaf accessories for your bags and pretend to be Canadian.
quote:

Oh, by the way, I'm constantly running into European and Australian travelers that are HORRIFIED with our war mongering shit-for-brains president! Being from America has NEVER been more embarassing.


But Missy, darling, you're not from America..you're from New York City!

xxoo
empress

Hanging on your every virtual word...
Don't think I don't constantly point out the fact that NY is an special oaisis.. a poluted oasis, but an oasis just as well.

Five times a day we drink a glue like potion consisting of:
Psyllium (seed husks: fiber)
Bentonite (clay: detoxifier)
Pineapple Juice
Lemon Juice
Water

It's like cold, overcooked, thick Cream Of Wheat with a dash of fruit. We can also have up to 2 vegtable broths and 2 coconut juices (right from the coconut). We can throw in a carrot juice if we want.

The there are supplements every 3 hours. Three herbal nutrition capsules, three intestinal cleansers. Once at night we take an acidophilus capsule.

With all that goo, you don't get THAT hungry in your stomach, it's mostly in your head. I like the idea of detoxing, but like most people here, the hope of losing weight is a major drive.

I had two days of the pre-cleanse (light food and a drink that was like salad dressing) and I'm on my 4th day of a 7 day fast. It's very irritating, but I'll make it. I must say that this part of the trip is no vacation.
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THe world is a very SMALL place....
I have a VERY good mate of mine who is staying right by you right now! You two must meet! He's a hoot an lovely!
Hes a British boy (st8 but very frisky and funny), I have known him since i was 18! He used to be a big executive in the Music industry for Warners working with Madonna and Prince etc etc... he had enough packed it all in and has for over 7yrs now being living in Asia - mainly Bali - i JUST got a msg from him today that he is in Samui! which is where u r!!! Hanging out...
I told him all about u... if you are up for it, check him out... he's a great lad (not your usual str8 lad you know)...His name is also Alex he speaks fluent Indo etc and might be a good help for your export business idea... whatever.. i hope u both meet... hes a cheecky tinker ... hes at Lamai coconut bungalows (behind McDs) bglow No B4..... (FYI, he knows me as Jane not Anna!)
I called and called and called u for like two weeks then i saw this topic. havent been on here in ages until yesterday so i havent seen your posts. Nice to know ur back where u like it most- well other then my ass.

Bring me back something good and u know im not into Asians so make it food-type stuff. Peanut Sauce is my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

come back soon so we can go to Boiler Room again Smile and u can bring the cute boy who likes to play that centipede game.
and i can put some peanut sauce on his centipede. haha just kidding .

whats everyone doing for spring break now that were talking about travel. I think i saw Miss Understood on the new girls gone wild video.
I finally can eat in 20 minutes. It's been a long week! Now I have 2 days to relax and enjoy the beach.

I then go back to Bangkok to check on all the costumes. I'm bringing home a big batch of girl-sized showgirl costumes to use on girls at parties. I'm also getting myself a pannier dress. I hope it comes out right, they are very tricky.

Then I'm off to Vietnam... I mean Viet Nam. In the US we never hear about Viet Nam other than in reference to a war that happened 30 years ago. Than again, in the US we hardly hear about ANYPLACE other that the US. I've read up on it and it sounds beautiful. I won't really have time to go everywhere, but I'll try to leave the city (Saigon) at some point and see some nature.
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.......going to taste like heaven on your tongue, be careful not to eat too much though, it may upset your tummy. Please post a pic of your Thai showgirl outfits when you can, and your pannier dress! I'd love to see them! of course I would rather wear one- I would be happily be a prop for you whenever in NYC...

GiGi
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I had a real health nut spa breakfast: fresh pappaya with goat yogurt topped with bee pollen. We're supposed to stick to raw fruits and veggies for a few days before eating rice, bread, eggs, meat, etc.

I cheated. I biked to another beach, smelled that thai cooking, and had some chicken curry with rice. I'll do salad for dinner though. I do feel really good and clean. I'll post a photo of my sparkling colon!

I visited Anna's friend Alex today. His little hut is so cute. It is literally steps from the ocean. He's spends his days on a hammock on his little deck. While my place is 5 times the size, there's a definite advantage to being right on the beach. The water was wavey and warm. It was like swimming in a jacuzzi.

If I can stay awake, I've been on such a day schedule, I may go to the local "Cabaret" bar. It's like a tourist bar with a drag show, but I bet it's somewhat hooker-ish too. The show is at 11:30 and I've been falling asleep at 9 or 10. I think I can handle it though. I'm not SUPPOSED to drink but...
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I don't know why I never bothered to before, but I finally bought a small knife so that I can buy fruit. If you only eat what is served ready-to-eat there are a whole range of interesting fruits you'd never eat. I had to go on the web to find out what some of them were. Like the Sapodilla. It tasted very sweet, as if it had been steeped in honey. I don't think I ever tased anything like it. Rambutans are similar to lychees. Pomelos are like mutant grapefruits (it's probably the other way, huh). It's amazing how location affects the value of something. Coconuts, bananas, and pineapples are so cheap and abundant they might as well be tap water. In street markets they find 101 ways to serve bannanas. They BBQ them, sometimes in the skin, sometimes out, fry them, make sweets out of them, sell them dried. Anywhere you go you can get chilled coconut with a straw for about 35 cents.

No matter how hard you try, you can't cook things 100% authentically at home because certain things are unavailable. Kafir lime rind and leaves are a main ingredient in many thai dishes. When I was trying some recipes in NY I found a Thai specialty shop in Chinatown that sold the frozen leaves but not the rind. Since it's not something that appears much in Chinese cooking you can't find them in Chinatown. You can import a lot of things but nothing replaces actually being here. There are so many unique herbs and ingrediants that are commonplace here. That's why a $1 roadside meal is so good. It's fancy to them to make a hamburger, it's nothing to them to whip up a curry.

Thai Fruits CLICK HERE

When I was with Vu, my friend fron Viet Nam, he wanted to eat at McDonalds. Since they don't have it in Saigon, he thought it was exciting and different. Interesting perspectives, right? To him, Thailand is this place to try all of this Western stuff and for me it's a place to get away from it. He thought the salad in the cup was interesting, but what really got him was the 1000 island dressing that came with it. He got really into it. I told him that that right there is the reason we are all fat and you are all so damn skinny, so be careful!

[This message was edited by Miss Understood on 02-17-03 at 02:47 AM.]

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Yes, but it's incredibly WARM snow!

Yes, this is why I escape each winter. Just getting through December an January was not pleasant for me. I hate freezing weather. People here are fascinated by the idea of snow because most of them have never experienced it. They don't know how lucky they are.

Well, I do my part to stop it. Global warming has certainly progressed through my excessive use of Aqua Net. I can't do it alone, we all need to pitch in together! QUIPGLOW Queens United to Promote Global Warming.
WOW.... am reading your posts out to my co-workers and we are ALL jealous of your travels... the fruits sound amazing...the fasting sounds awful!.... Keep shopping, can't wait to see all the new outfits... business in NYC is getting worse and worse... war fear on the rise... lay offs even more... but the snow and the trash on the telly is warming the cockles of our hearts - AND your tales!! Glad you met Alex, hope he was fun an useful!?
enjoy!
Well, no one's been accusational towards me personally, but the whole world seems to really be hating Bush right now. They also see American News networks on cable, and they're horrified by the biased coverage.

If Bush DOES start WWIII, I don't think we'll end up with many allies. They'll all be blaming us and they'll probably group up against us. Maybe we'll be lucky and they'll do what America allegedly does: take over and put in a democratic government. That might not be so bad.

Well, if the shit hits the fan I'll hide out in a hut on a beach here for a few years. I'll lease one of you my "character" for a while. All of the wigs and costumes are in my apartment. No one will know the difference. Hey, Ronald McDonald does it! Any offers? Anna? Gigi? Zazoo and Satori could take turns!
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I was checking on costumes and rather than brave the 5PM traffic jam to get to my guesthouse I came to Babylon. Well, they're having a Giuliani-style crackdown and all of the "mazes" are closed. Still, this place is hopping as always. Everyone is in towels, just lounging, eating, drinking, chatting. I love that they don't blast music everwhere. I used the pool and now I'm at the computer where they're playing 1950's easy listening.
Last night went to Freeman, my favorite gay club here. They have an ever changing show 7 nights a week and every number is a group number. There's always a crowd. There's nothing like it at home.
******FREEMAN WEBSITE******

They do a lot of black girl numbers. Last night there was a "Shirley Bassey) and a "Diana Ross". They also do some numbers is severe fashion looks. One girl wcame out in black lipstick and and a sexy/gothy exaggerated black ruffly collar and did an Amanda Lear song. The backup girls were modelish trannies with these gorgeous jeweled masks that covered one eye. There was also a dead serious boy number. A handsome guy in a slick suit, with expert smoke machine and lighting effects, did "You're my Inspiration." Not my sort of music, but he did it with such sincerity that it was gorgeous. Drag is never lazy here, not even boy drag.

The hostess is a nutty queen named Dae. She's not what you'd call a traditional beauty, but she's genius. I always call her the Thai "Carol Burnett". She usually does a Thai number in a weird outfit. I couldn't understand it, but I could tell that it was campy. She's very "Pyramid 1987." Then she does a funny monologue, intereacting with the audience. Then everyone hits the dark room.

I've heard that Dae has become a regular on a Thai soap opera.
Wow.

Yesterday I went to check out another sauna called "Chakran."
*******Chakran Website******
I really can't explain the dreamlike ambiance. The decor was very Moroccan. The lighting was magical. The transition from indoor to outdoor was so seemless, you're never totally in or out. It just felt so luxurious, the pool, the tiles, the billowing curtains, the hidden courtyards. The photos on the website really don't say it. It's so weird, when things are dumpy here, they're really dumpy and dirty, but anything nice is so extreme. I felt like I stumbled into some exclusive place for millionares.Hardly anyone was even in there when I went. I think you have to know when to go.. unlike Babylon, which is always crowded. But honestly, this place was so gorgeous you'd want to stay for all the legitimate reasons: food, steam, sauna, pool, gym. You really get a lot for 6 bucks.

I spent the last few days working. Yes, this is a working trip. It takes many days and long hot sweaty hours in the market getting costumes made, it's not like shopping. But, I'm going to own the only collection of real-girl-sized showgirl costumes! You got a "Vegas" or "Carnivale" theme going on, I'm the one to call!

Tomorrow I'm off to 'Nam. I hear they make a lovely agent orange glazed chicken.
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I'm in Saigon, oficially know as "Ho Chi Mihn City." So far it's nuts. I love it. There's this crazy energy at night. Almost everyone in the street is on a motorbike. They outnumber cars 50-1. It's noisy, but exciting. There's a lot of eye contact. I've heard it's a good way to cruise.

I have a friend named Thang(prounounced "Tang" )who's a local. He's the boyfriend of my American friend Benjamin (an old friend of *BOB*s) who's in the U.S. at the moment. Thang is very flamboyant for someone around here, bleached spikey hair, trendy clothes, etc. I'm glad I tapped into the local crowd of freaks. Last night we went to a streetcorner place for beer and snack food and all of these wild looking girls kept pulling up on motor bikes and sitting with us. They were all really fierce, sexy clothes, lots of makeup. Most of them are singers.

Here, when people go to clubs, they always see live singing shows. The singers become nationally famous and they are played on the radio, seen on TV, etc. Most of the male singers are big fags but the general public is clueless about it. I guess this clubby crowd are hip-and-in-the-know. I can't wait to go see some of the shows. Oh, some of the girls were hookers too. They call them "PR girls." as in "public relations." They were VERY stylish PR girls. The mood was...hmmm... relaxed decadence.

I love the whole little table on the street scene. The snacky food was interesting: deep fried fish (I thought they were slivers of fish, but after eating a few I realized they were breaded whole small fish.), mango salad with dried salty fish, roasted dried squid, noodles with squid, fried seasoned squid, some sort of tiny hard boiled eggs. It was all really good and, from an American's perspective, insanely cheap!

There's a lot of French influence here, it's a former colony. The coffee is very strong and good. They serve it with a little dripping filter that takes 10-15 minuted to drip. Unlike much of Asia, they're really into baking. There are lots of bakeries and you see baguettes
everywhere.

Salespeople here are a lot more agressive than in Thailand, but you just smile and keep walking and it's fine. I love they mystery of wandering the streets alone. You never know what you'll find.
I know I keep going on about food, but I'm always faascinated at how something so ordinary in oneplace seems so odd to to people from other places. We went to a birthday party last night and again, it was all about beer and food... with a little Henessey thrown in. The main diah is a broth full of vegetables and fresh herbs. On the table there was fish, noodles, more fresh herbs. While eating you pick up the various things and drop them in your soup. They're really into eating all sorts of fresh green strong tasting herbs in their soup.

So then Thang ordered some barbacued birds... I'm really not sure what they are in English, maybe pigeons. Well, it is a bit horrifying from an American's perspective to see that little blackened whole bird with long chopstick like legs and little claw feet arrive on a bed of greens. It's also surreal that no one at the table thinks it's at all odd but me. I agreed to try some if he would break me off a little piece. I couldn't look to closely at the bird as a whole. It tasted...like chicken. The cliche is true. Of course I didn't get to try the head, since Thang crunched it right down, so I'm in no position to give a full report. I also was a bit of a scaredy cat and passed on the little slad made of nuts, scallions, and rabbit blood. I'm sure it's very tasty, I'm just a bit handicapped by my culture. I'm trying to get over it.

On the drag front: I bought some amazing purses at amazing prices. I got a pink silk handbag covered in little pink tortoise-shell like squares of buffalo horn. It was $7. I'm getting some boy clothes made, but I can't get any drag without my damn corset and boobs which are sitting in Bangkok. Since Thang knows people directly we don't have to go through tailor shop middlemen, the prices are amazing. I'm getting some shirts made for like $4 each!

I must add that I LOVE being the exotic foreigner! I can hook up with guys here so much more easily than at home. Can you imagine what it's like for blondes!
A message to all the New Yorkers working hard to resurrect live perfromance, Vaudeville, and Burlesque: it is alive and thriving here in the Viet Nam! I went to a club the other night. It was like some of the ones in Bangkok, it looks like a disco but people sit at cocktail tables and watch a show. We entered as a sexy girl pop singer was finishing her set. The next act was a slapstick comedy team that looked like they just stepped out of 1935. One guy was like a hobo W.C. Field. Every time he went to tip his tophat the brim seprated from the hat. The other guy was in frumpy lady drag: no makeup and a silly dress. He wore a funny headwrap that old ladies wear here. W.C. kept trying to do magic tricks but the "lady" kept picking up the objects in such a way as to give away the trick. Like, she'd lift the cards and you's see that they're all connected.

The next act was a singer who seemed to be very popular. He was in his mid 40's, wore tight flared jeans and a Western belt, and sang mostly rock power ballads ("You're My Inspiration" etc). He was actually very good and had a lot of star quality. The fact that they don't do this with any sense of irony is actually very sweet. While I'm no supporter of the alleged "death of irony," a little break from it is not only refreshing, but good for the spirit.

The emcee was a queeny guy in a silver suit. That's as close as it gets to drag here.

Speaking of drag, I hit the jackpot yesterday! I went to Chinatown (yes, they have one here too) and with the help of a very nice moterbike driver, I found a place that sells Chinese opera-type headpieces. You must see them, they are sick! I bought a few in Bangkok two years ago, but these are a bit different. They are certainly NOTHING you'd find in NY! I have discovered a way to impulsively shop without guilt. I just buy things that I love BUT are also an investment because I can use them for my entertainment business.

I went into a furniture shop and I saw some amazing hand carved chairs with silk cushions. The prices were unbelievably low! You would gag! It's like going into one of those pricy SOHO places and getting 80% off. But:

A)I'd have to deal with shipping
B)I live in a tiny NY apartment with no room for such things, and
C)It's better to invest in costumes which I'll enjoy just as much but they will eventually pay for themselves.

It's a haphazard sort of discipline system, but it works for me.
A couple of friends of mine, both men, were telling me about the "lady-boys". Apparently that's what the TSs are called by the locals. One of my friends is around 30, the other is around 50 yrs, and both of them just got back from there. They do not know each other, but described almost identical instances of being hounded by hookers. If you want to fit in and you are a lady-boy, you may go up to a foreign man and ask, "Smoke? Smoke? You wanna smoke?" If the foriegn man doesn't get it, you may point at or grab his crotch while emphasizing, "SMOKE?"
Unfortunately, both my friends were not interested at the time in the lady-boys, already having paid the female hookers they were holding hands with for the week. One hooker said, "No lady-boy. I here, need money. Family buffalo die."
You talk even more online than in life! I joined MotherBoards just to talk to YOU while you're away...in Saigon? Good God honey...and you never did give me my birthday gift from last year. Why not get me a new one?

Just wading through all your postings...when you returning?

Love Raven
Hi Snook,
I have a lovely pigeon head for you!

I just took a 2 day bus tour through the Mekong Delta. Lots of waving children and conical hats. I'm outta here soon. I just need to stop in BKK and pick up costumes. I forgot to mention what a fabulously international trannie meeting place those costume stalls are! Every day some wacky queen from somewhere in the world is loading up on gear. I met a queen from Paris who is VERY surged and pumped, but still 24-7 male. I met another one who's also from Paris and does a big "showgirl" revue. I met an Asian tranny from Australia. I met this nutty one from Malaysia who tried to get lezzy with me. Yo, yo, I don't go there! It's a very wacky thing, smack in the middle of this otherwise gritty marketplace. I live for it!
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Help us all ....Miss Understood, the drag community of New Yark Sitie could greatly ben-e-fit from ya findin of this ole great thai secret for da fab outfits you be pull ova there in kathy lee gifford land.... could ya please pack one of the elderly people up in ya bag- slip him or her a roofie and pack'em up- im sure customs won't mind, and we could all let them live underneath grand central, or some slum with cheap rent, and have the the person soup up sum nice little frocks so us po gals don't haveta fly all the way over there.....feed'em some dog food or chinese white rice, what's the difference...i think dogfood has more color.... i think that's a great idea. But what do i know?
Mason
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I have had outfits made by actual professional Asian tailors IN Asia. There is such a job over there (as in other countries) designated "tailor". That little nugget of knowledge out of the way, how many sweatshop workers do you figure go into making a one-of-a-kind little do?
We save the sweatshop numbers for midwest Wal-Mart specials.
So, don't jump on the little Asian tailors and the people who need them until you've visited one of our BEE-U-TEE-FUL countries and yelled at all the tourists for keeping commerce alive.
Well come on, i understand that, but, just one little 85 year old that sits in a corner and beads and sequins things can't hurt!!...... Just 1...ok ok, we'd feed her more than dogfood and white rice..... They are the best workers, yes, i know. Needle-thread-sequin-bead and repeat....and repeat....and repeat..........If my grandmother can do it for only 2.25 an hour, surely i could pay a smuggled one in 3. 50 an hour...patrica field only paid me 6. 50 an hour...that's a sweatshop for ya......
She's just some piece of crazy talkin' Southern trash, don't take her seriously. She's actually one of the few privileged ones who actually gor a Thai-sequined souvenier last year. There won't be any this year I'm sorry to say. I need all my time and space to stock up for my new fleet of showgirls.

I'm at the beach in 'Nam with my temporary BF Tung. It's lovely here. I'll be home in a week. Damn.
I wouldn't exploit him like that... besides, I have no way of uploading a photo here.

(Hey moderator, if you're out there, can we keep this going instead of starting a part II? I'll be hope in less than a week, it seems silly.)

Viet Nam is significantly more poor than Thailand. Still, people seem to function quite well. There's just so many people... and children, trying to sell you gum or some other thing, that it gets a little upsetting. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't look like a Save The Children commercial, but it really reminds me that we are VERY rich in America. The way we got that way may not be fair or right, but we are privilaged just by being born there.

I's funny though. People who have a decent job always have a live in maid. Their money doesn't go far OUT of here, like they probably can't afford to trave to the US, but a live in maid here is $35 a month.

Today I went to a nice beach that was free of foreigners... it helps to make local friends. I bought a kilo of bbq scallops for $2 and a big steamed crab for $2. These ladies in conical hats walk around with freshly caught seafood and serve it to you right on the beach. In an hour I'm back to Saigon.
Having lived in Miami for almost a year, i think i went to the beach about 4 times. 3 times at night. Sorry, they have not came out with the spf 284 that i would need to wear.....the sun would need the shades i'm so white...
The state of how the US lives is amazing, espically since i got to know alot of people from latin america that just came here recently, and how different things are in every way from here to there. But,there's a big catch 22 about the rich and poor vs. the who's right and who's wrong, who's priviledged and who's not and it's all relative towards what you want outta life anyhow....
I'd love to go scuba diving over in that area of the world, scuba diving in the atlantic is mild compared to all the weird fish and prehistoric fishes and creatures from that blue lagoon over there. But, i don't know. Being not a fan of swimming due to a jellyfish attack on me when i was yng, i think i would be more likely to have fun exploring asian ruins and the jungles of asia and talking with the wildlife, being i speak their lanuage of crazy well. Make it back safely.....Mason
I just got my 10th massage in 6 weeks. I think all 10 add up to the price of 1 in NY! Thai massages are rough, but they make my back feel alright again. I got one in Vietnam that was a bit different. She did a lot with her feet, walking on my back and the back of my legs. I guess fat people don't give massages. Well, the 6 fat people in Vietnam will manage to find other occupations.

Maybe it IS the diet in Asia, but I'm skeptical. Thang is over 30 and packs away beer like a German truck driver, and he's still thin as Kate Moss. Some DNA researcher will isolate and sell that gene, you just wait!

Saigon was wild but I have to say, it really makes Bangkok seem peaceful. Thai people are much more calm and laid back. Don't get me wrong, people in Vietnam were generally very warm and friendly. They're just in a big scurry to survive.

Did I already tell you about the insane driving situation? Seiously, you take your life in your hands every time you drive anywhere in Saigon. It's like being in some crazy road race. They will U-turn ANYWHERE and they always, on 2 lane roads, will cross onto the other side to pass someone... even at night. I was trapped in a speeding van staring at the lights of 5 motorbikes barreling towards us. It was quite a thrill ride. And crossing the street? Well, basically you just slowly wade your way across and people will either stop, or swerve around you. It sort of feels like your trying to kill yourself. Isn't there a scene like that in some drug-scare movie?

Importing is hard. Vietnam has amazingly cheap embroidered and beaded handbags, but the shipping prices are crazy. I had to buy a suiotcase to take my Chinese headdresses to Thailand to ship them from here. It's still going to cost more to get them home than it cost to buy them. It gets easier when you have large quantities and can buy cargo space, but I'm just dabbling. The only thing I bought for resale are these cowboy hats and handbags made from soda cans. Coke, Diet coke, and Lipton Iced Tea. The writing is a mix of English and Thai which makes them extra special!
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Alex, we are all LOVING these journals... it sort of will be sad for us when you get home (in the nicest possible way!)... its so frustrating that you can't ship all of this stuff home...don't suppose my goofy mate ALex was any help on that front eh.... I remember being in San Angel outside of Mexico City for a while and theres all these really fantastic furniture stores... huge hand crafted armoire for about $20 US!! But the shipping was a MAJOR issue... so much black market for shipping... would cost around $700 to ship.... EVERYONE i spoke with said it was impossible... and to hire a van and drive there are bandits and extortions on the way... but sometimes as i look around ABC carpet i think back to those armoires!! how sad am I.....Keep posting.... can't wait to see the new frocks!

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