Madonna: Swept Away, part IV

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JESUS CHRIST, MADONNA!

Like many in the gay community I ‘m passionate about Madonna. The only difference is that I can’t stand her.

And old Madge is at it again with her religious antics--mounting herself on a crucifix in her concert in Rome. Ooh, how shocking she is! Now I could care less about the catholic church and welcome any slam against it. While she’s at it, let's reduce all religious symbols to what they really are—meaningless, ancient props which charlatans have used for centuries to keep the faithful in their fold. But Madoodoo ain't fooling me with her tired bag of "scandalous" tricks. I'd be more shocked if she came out with some decent music, instead of the lead single from her latest album which samples a cheesy Abba disco record. It was actually one of Abba’s least cheesy, but so long after the let-sample-a-disco-record craze has faded! Girl! You used to set the trends, not fall behind them.

Or did she? No, not really. She just kept her ear (or her helpers' ears) to the streets to determine which trend was developing enough to stick and then clamed it for her own--like voguing or electronica. Maybe it was cutting edge to the folks in Kansas, but honey, I keep my ear and sometimes whole face is to the street--ok the gutter, actually --and I've always thought of Madonna as behind the times. And the constant reinvention? Well, if she'd started out with anything more meaty than flavor-of-last-month girlie-pop trash to begin with, maybe she wouldn't have to change it so often and so desperately. I realize that stars use different looks to announce new projects to send a clear message “Hey! You bought that last album, here’s a new album with a new look—so buy this one now.” There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s an effective marketing technique. But to me, Madonna is more marketing technique than artist.

Oh, I can feel the hate mail brewing. What do I know? I'm jealous. I'm a complete failure in comparison to Madonna and her mega-stardom. Well, that's true. But who isn't, really? She obviously has something a lot of people love or she wouldn't have a record-breaking world tour after 20 years in the most fickle of businesses. And the more everyone worships her and crams her down my throat, the more I tire of her.

Music is a matter of taste. I'll admit to liking a few of her songs over the years: HOLIDAY, LUCKY STAR, SPOTLIGHT, VOGUE and NOTHING REALLY MATTERS. (Of course my hatred of bubblegum trash like TRUE BLUE, LIVE TO TELL, PAPA DON’T PREACH and MUSIC almost cancels them out.) And she's certainly pretty and can dance ok . I loved the Marilyn-esque dress and hair in MATERIAL GIRL, however much I hated the song. And her body is amazingly toned in the HUNG UP video. Here's where the hate mail is directed towards my weight. I may have flabby, untoned, aging schoolteacher arms but at least my flab is a naturally-occurring condition—if you consider 5 meals per day natural. What is wrong with her stringy, muscular arms? Is it just me or do they look horrible? Certainly not sexy in a feminine way. Maybe that's one more reason why fags worship her--she looks like she's on steroids now.



And worship her they do. I'm always shocked how new generations of fags flock to her every new incarnation. I guess gay men are always gonna love the latest girlie sensation, whether it's Kylie or Britney or Stacey Q. Remember Stacy's TWO OF HEARTS?

Now I did get excited when footage from Madge's current tour showed her riding a mechanical animal
I’d hoped she might have another riding accident and break some more bones! OK, now I know that's just plain mean, but I do get testy on the subject of Madge and her, in my opinion, undeserved goddess status. After she french-kissed Britney on that awards show, some fag sent me an email claiming that this was Madonna's way of supporting same-sex marriage. Hungh? This was a desperate old whore trying to seem scandalous by swapping spit with a more current and equally undeserving superstar, who’s also mostly hype. And you'd think that I, if anyone could, identify with another desperate old whore! Actually, Madge’s whoring and taste in men endears me to her the most. I love that she snatched hunky Carlos Leon's sperm and said "That's all I wanted, thank you." I'm also fascinated with reports of how she used to cruise the once seedy East Village in a limo picking up multiple puerto rican lovers in one night—if they were in the 9” and over club. Basically hooking for free if the trade was fierce enough. So at least she and I have one thing in common. And I’ll give her unqualified kudos on another aspect of her career—her acting! What a natural comedienne Madonna is—especially in her serious scenes!

Now I know that IÂ’ll be crucified by the gays for blaspheming against The Material Girl, but what bugs me the most is her misuse of religious controversy. ItÂ’s totally empty and meaningless, just like the jailed, black Jesus she caresses in her LIKE A PRAYER VIDEO. SheÂ’s claimed that the cross scene is accompanied by slides of AIDS-infected children in Africa and related statistics in order to raise awareness of the diseaseÂ’s huge toll on the continent, but a cross has nothing whatsoever to do with AIDS or children who have it. Mounting herself on a giant onion has as much relevance to African kids with AIDS. So why choose a crucifix? To get press for her overpriced tour.

There are so many real life controversies which she could be calling attention to, even within the church. How about the rampant child molestation by priests? Or challenging the VaticanÂ’s claim that condoms donÂ’t prevent AIDS transmission? The Vatican is so glued to itÂ’s antiquated preachings that it lies to itÂ’s followers about safe sex, sending them to their deaths by preaching against condoms? Or why not draw attention to the quest of your massive gay fan base for same-sex marriage/equal rights? Global warming? The pointless war in Iraq? ThereÂ’s a ton of issues to pick from. But, she prefers hollow controversy for controversyÂ’s sake. And sheÂ’s gotta pick one that will not offend the Clear Channel so that her music will get played. The Material Girl cares about one thing only: your money. (If thatÂ’s what the Kaballah teaches, she must be a saint.) Oh, and kids in Africa with AIDS. God, sheÂ’s even biting Bono and BrangelinaÂ’s style on that cause. She probably did marketing research to see if their popularity increased after their fight for African childrenÂ’s health. Give it a rest, honey.

Lady Bunny